My iMPACT (5/7) Insights

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My iMPACT (5/7) Insights9
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, brings us his unique analysis of the Thursday night battlefest.

The show began with a look at the Rage and Anarchy that has gripped TNA. It talked about the situation with Samoa Joe, Bobby Lashley, and Mick Foley. This was a promo piece for the upcoming Sacrifice PPV.

Tonight’s Episode: Mafia Re-Loaded

The entire Main Event Mafia, including their two bulky security guys and the two women, walked to the ring. Kurt talked about kicking Foley’s butt last week, with the help of Sting. Kurt said he would be in the main event for the TNA World Title at Sacrifice. Kurt put up his leadership role in the Mafia to get in the match. Kurt was upset about putting a 10 man match on free TV. Kurt was also mad that the Mafia weren’t asked about it, in advance. Kurt demanded that Foley come out an explain what was going on.

Mick Foley and Christopher Daniels came from the back. Foley confirmed the 10-man match. Foley made the match as a “show of power” against the Main Event Mafia. Mick was surprised to see Sting return. Mick talked about attacking Kurt, two weeks ago, to save a friend (Jarrett). Foley talked, yet again, about the 25 stitches in his head. Kurt cut him off and reminded him that he wrestled with a broken freakin’ neck. Foley united with the men who set the foundation of TNA (Styles, Daniels, Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett). Foley told Kurt that he (Foley) was going to become the Godfather, after Sacrifice.

Jeff Jarrett and A.J. walked out. Jeff wanted to know what the Hell Foley was doing. Foley said that TNA needed a sign of solidarity. Foley wanted to try and repair the relationship. Foley said it was never personal, only business. Jeff told Mick to “Kiss my *ss”. He started to walk off but Kurt told them to get ready. He wanted to know if they could all just get along.

Jay’s Thoughts: I still can’t warm up to Mick Foley as the champ. I hope and pray that someone takes that title at the PPV.

In the back, someone dropped off Samoa Joe. The car drove off as Lauren tried to find out who was driving the car. Joe was silent.

TNA ran a promo their next video release, Second to None. It was a look at tag teaming in TNA. Over at the official TNA website, fans can order copies that were signed by Team 3D.

Mike Tenay talked about the situation revolving around Suicide. The Motor City Machine Guns think it’s Chris Daniels. Daniels got ticked off when he was accused of being the masked man. Daniels told Sabin and Shelley to ask Suicide, himself, who he was.

Consequences Creed, seconded by Jay Lethal, came out for a non-title X-Division match. The arena went dark as Suicide arrived for the match. He didn’t ride the zip line, this time. He just showed up in the ring.

Suicide d Consequences Creed
Non-Title Match

The Finish:

Creed hit multiple shots that rocked Suicide. Suicide hit his Running Clothesline. He then hit the Corner Bulldog. Suicide lifted Creed into a Fireman’s Carry and hit the Rolling Senton. Suicide picked up Creed and cinched in a Front Face Lock. Creed blocked the Suicide Solution and clipped Suicide with a Jumping Enziguri. Suicide recovered and sent Creed to the corner. Suicide drove both knees into Creed’s chest and then nailed a Flying Code Breaker out of the corner to take the win.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: Ok, it is not Daniels under the silly mask. It is and has been Kaz. Daniels did do a short run as Suicide when Kaz was injured. Kaz and Daniels are similar in builds but Daniels is technically more advanced than Kaz. This storyline of “Who is Suicide?” is already getting rather stale. I have to think that TNA is building to a grand unmasking and the return of Kaz. I think Kaz should stay under the hood. The character of Suicide is unique. Kaz, while a fantastic wrestler, just hasn’t got the same personality as his alter-ego.

After the match, Suicide waited for his X-Division title. Then the lights went out and Suicide simply disappeared. TNA then ran a video about Mick Foley. Foley talked about the sacrifices that he had made.

Matt Morgan talked with Mick Foley. Morgan wanted a match against anyone to prove his talent. Foley said that if Morgan wanted to impress the Mafia, he should battle Mafia Security (Rocco and Sally Boy). Morgan agreed to face either one. JB asked Foley why he wanted Morgan aligned with the Mafia. Foley understood and said the Morgan match needed to be tweaked.

Tenay talked about the Kong v Velvet Sky Stretcher Match for later. He sent it to Lauren. Sky was freaking out about the idea of facing Kong. Sky sent it to the video package of Madison Rayne‘s destruction, last week. Sky mentioned that Rayne spent 3 days in the hospital, thanks to Kong. Angelina pretended to comfort Sky, but her eyes betrayed her.

Mike Tenay then talked with the Main Event Mafia. Kurt admitted that families weren’t perfect. He admitted that “the family” has their fights and disagreements. Kurt said the issues between himself and Sting were resolved. Kurt hinted that he wanted the Mafia to hold all the belts, at one time. Tenay started to ask about the problems between Sharmell and Jenna. Sting interjected himself to address the issue. Sting talked about the egos in the Mafia. Kevin said that the girls worked well, last week. Sharmell looked really upset. Tenay then asked Kurt if the TNA World title was worth risking his leadership position. Kurt said that he wanted to show his love for Sting, as a brother, by defeating Mick Foley for the TNA title. Mike then turned to Scott about his problem with Jeff. Tenay wanted to know if Scott had a message for Jeff. Scott said that the Mafia planned on taking over TNA.

Lauren talked with a giddy Taylor Wilde. Wilde has a secret admirer now. She was scheduled to meet the mystery person, next Tuesday. Taylor asked Lauren to go with her, in case the guy was a creep. Whatever.

JB questioned Jeff Jarrett about Mick’s odd behavior. Jeff told JB to get out while he got ready. JB tried to ask about the change in Jarrett’s office, which looked more like a locker room, but Jeff told JB to “Get the Hell out!”

Back in the arena, Mafia Security waddled their way down the ramp for their match against Matt Morgan. Foley’s tweakings had turned this into a 2-on-1 Handicap Match. Morgan actually got a decent pop from the Impact crowd as he entered.

Matt Morgan d Big Rocco and Sally Boy (Mafia Security)
Handicap Match

The Finish:

Sally sent Morgan to the corner and worked on the shoulder. Sally made the tag (he hadn’t actually tagged in before) and then tripped Morgan. Rocco started up the corner to deliver the Big Splash but got distracted by the crowd. Morgan kicked free and then threw Rocco off the top rope. Morgan then blasted Sally, twice, with Clotheslines before Irish Whipping him to the corner. Morgan then grabbed Rocco and sent him crashing into Sally with another Irish Whip. Morgan threw a huge Dropkick that sent Rocco tumbling from the ring. Morgan finished things off with the Carbon Footprint to Sally Boy.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts I do not like Matt Morgan. He’s not so much a Blueprint than a Carbon Copy. He is like a million other powerhouse players that really never gets out of the blocks. Joining the Mafia makes no sense. Morgan has never held a title, even a minor one. Bobby Lashley would make sense as an addition, not Morgan. I can only hope that TNA is working towards a Morgan face turn. The crowd reaction should have been a clue. I could see Kurt (or whoevers running the Mafia) inviting Morgan in, only to turn on him ala Orton and Evolution. Face it, Vince Russo hasn’t had an original idea in years.

JB talked with Mick Foley.Mick tweaked the main event match. Mick banned Jeff’s guitar from the ringside area. Mick switched to the squeaky voice of Cactus Jack. Foley didn’t want to be bothered for the rest of the show. He needed to get ready for his battle.

Lauren interviewed Eric Young and Jethro Holliday. Eric was bitter about having to take scraps. Eric said he would exploit the weaknesses of Roode and Storm. Jethro just blew his nose to Lauren’s disgust. I smell an Eric turn. That’s just not a good idea.

In the arena, Team 3D came down to watch the next match. After Ray and Devon got settled, Beer Money came out. Again, Jacqueline was missing from the group. Ray expressed major respect for Beer Money. He said Beer Money is the tag team of the future. Eric Young and Jethro Holliday came out. Jethro is now billed from somewhere in Missouri, instead of Waxahachie, Tx. My little sister has to be so disappointed not to hear her hometown mentioned anymore. (I was from Denton, so anytime a Von Erich is mentioned…I’m happy).

Robert Roode & James Storm d Eric Young & Jethro Holliday
Team 3D Tag Team Invitational Semi-Final Match

The Finish:

Roode stomped on Eric and dropped an elbow. Roode went for a Rear Chin Lock. Eric fought out but Roode sent Eric to the corner. Eric did the Flair Flop and then Shouldered a rushing Roode. Eric slid under Roode and then took him over with a Belly to Belly Suplex. Storm and Jethro tagged in. Jethro unloaded with Haymakers and an Inverted Atomic Drop on Storm. Roode made the mistake of hitting his own partner with a Clothesline. Jethro then hit an Atomic Drop on Roode, followed by a big Back Body Drop. Jethro planted Storm with a Bulldog. Jethro got caught with the Back Stabber by Storm but kicked out of the pin at two. Beer Money double teamed Jethro. eric blind tagged in and Bodyslammed Storm. Eric hit the Guillotine Leg Drop on Storm. Jethro had the ref distracted so Roode was able to attack Eric. Jethro went after Roode with fists. When Eric came to talk to Jethro, the Outlaw nearly decapitated him. Eric explained the Jethro needed to get out of the ring. In all the chaos, Storm was able to hit the Last Call Superkick. Beer Money then finished off EY with the DWI (Driving While Investing..cute name).

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: Beer Money is possible the second best team out there, right now. Team 3D is just a half-step ahead of them. The chemistry just so clicks with the two of them. It’s the Twin Brothers of Different Mothers kind of thing. They remind me of a very young Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard team. Unless someone is foolish and splits them apart, Beer Money could find themselves in the top ten, possibly top five, tag teams of all time.

As for Eric and Jethro, that is a different story. Eric has been so badly used by the company. He got screwed out of his X-title, he’s been cursed with dumb gimmick and senseless feuds (see Danny Bonaduce). If Eric was ticked off, he’d have all right to be upset. Jethro aka Trevor Murdoch just doesn’t work, as well, without Lance Cade. I can only hope that Cade will show up, likely as something like Homer Garrison.

Team 3D applauded Beer Money .

Raisha Saeed talked about the Wrath of Kong. Saeed said Kong would destroy all of Love’s friends. Kong actually spoke! “Dumb Blonde…Dead Blonde!” That felt like hearing Abdullah the Butcher give an interview.

Tenay sent it to a look back at last week’s stretcher match. Kong destroyed Rayne with two Awesome Bombs. That led to Velvet Sky’s arrival for her destruction…err…match.

Awesome Kong d Velvet Sky
Stretcher Match

Kong carried a picture of Angelina Love with her to the ring. Saeed was at her side.Sky wanted to leave the ring but Love kept her in place. Earl Hebner forced Raesha to leave ringside. He then ejected Angelina. Sky tried to throw Fore-arms at Kong, which is like fighting a tank with a flyswatter. Knog hit a Short-arm CLothesline. Kong tried to set for the Awesome Bomb but Sky scooted out underneath. Kong did catch Sky with another Clothesline, off the ropes. KOng powered down Sky with the Implant Buster…then a second! Kong stomped way as the crowd chanted “One More Time”. Kong heard and hit the third Implant Buster. Kong threw her on the Stretcher but decided on a fourth and fifth Implant Buster! Kong threw Sky on the stretcher. Kong wouldn’t end the match and nailed the Awesome Bomb! Hebner counted one of the fastest 10 counts in wrestling history to avoid further damage to Sky.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: Kong destroying the Plastic Princesses just feels right. I’ve always hated Posers. Those “I’m Better than You” types. I’d like to see someone other than Kong take out Love, but the Knockout division is at its lowest level, ever. TNA really showed scouts some indy girls, like MsChif, to build up the division. With the loss of Roxxi, Christy Hemme and Rhaka Khan, the Knockout title is starting to feel about as prestigious as the old WWF European title.

Abyss was back with Dr. Stevie. Abuss was talking about Michael Scott of The Office. Stevie said he had a surprise for Abyss. Daffney walked in, looking sexy as all get out. Stevie said that he wanted to have Abyss transfer his aggression to Daffney. Stevie said that Daffney would be part of the first Knockout Monster’s Ball match. (Guess they released Roxxi just a little too early). Abyss was also set to be in Daffney’s corner. Stevie took off his belt to threaten Abyss.

Jay’s Thoughts: I’m going to say it. Fire Vince Russo. This is the dumbest story angle in the history of wrestling. Trying to convert The Monster into the Whipped Puppy is stupid. TNA has reduced one of their headliners to jobber position. Abyss would be well within his rights to take a spot in WWE. There he might get to regain his character and his dignity. Dr. Stevie is such a politically incorrect character. I have a good friend who works with troubled individuals. When I showed him “Dr. Stevie”, he just shook his head, uttered a few words I won’t put into a family-friendly column, and walked out of the room.

Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed came out to talk to the crowd. Creed called out Christopher Daniels. He’s basically going by Daniels now. Lethal wanted to ask a question. Creed showed respect to Daniels. Lethal accused Daniels of being Suicide. Creed said Daniels was Kabuki (one of my all-time favorites). Lethal called Daniels a “shape shifter”. Creed asked Daniels to admit to being Suicide. Daniels was ticked off. Daniels said if Creed worried more about how to beat Suicide instead of who Suicide was, he wouldn’t have gotten his butt kicked earlier. Lethal got in Daniels face and started throw out some old masked references. Daniels said he didn’t have time for jokes, expecially the biggest joke of all…Lethal. Lethal called Daniels a jerk and slapped him.

Sabin and Shelley walked out and asked the men to try and keep things “family friendly”. Shelley talked about video games. Shelley gave Lethal Consequences credit for facing them face to face. Shelley accused Daniels of stealing his X-Division title. Shelley said it was Game Over for Daniels. Sabin said they would unmask Suicide, next week.

JB talked with Jeff Jarrett, again. JB had some notes to share with Jeff. Jeff accused JB of stirring the pot. JB ran down all the craziness in TNA, thanks to Foley. Jeff said that Foley has lost his mind. Sting came in and said he could tell Jeff what he should do. Sting was hot about the match at Sacrifice a four way. Sting said that if he could beat Foley, tonight, he wanted Jeff to put him in the match at Sacrifice. Jeff reminded Sting that he would have to sacrifice something. Sting said he was ready to make the Ultimate Sacrifice to get his shot at Foley.

Lauren tried to interview a tripping out Angelina Love. Lauren giggled at the Beautiful People’s blight. Love got a call from someone, most likely a male. The person talked about the no male-on-female violence policy that Spike TV has put in place. I’m betting she was talking to good ol’ Kute Kip.

Don and Mike talked about upcoming shows. Tenay then ran down the main event match. Tenay sent it to a video piece abou the Main Event Mafia and Mick Foley. They showed all the attacks, including Christian (Cage). aThe video then looked at the issues between Mick and the Mafia, all the way through last week.

The Main Event Mafia came en masse to battle the fractured Frontline. Once the Mafia were set, Samoa Joe walked out. He ignored the fans as he arrived. The ring cleared before Joe got in. Daniels was next out. He was followed by his long-time friend and partner, A.J. Styles. Jeff Jarrett was the fourth to arrive for the Frontliners. Jeff didn’t look happy. Jeff’s pyro ws cut off by Foley’s intro. Foley came in with Barbie, the barbed wire bat. Foley and Jarrett argued as TNA went to break

The Main Event Mafia d Samoa Joe, Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, A.J. Styles and Daniels
10 Man Tag Team Match

The Finish:

Sting and Foley taged in. Foley hit a Swinging Neckbreaker on Sting. Kurt snuck up behind Mick and planted his rapidly expanding backside with the Belly to Back Release Suplex. Jarrett came in and hit a Pedigree on Kurt. Nash then attacked Jeff and tried for the Jackknife. Joe attacked his former mentor with a Flying Assault. Joe caught Nash with the Suicide Dive. Styles and Daniels hit Double Slingshots on Booker and Scott on the outside. Back in the ring, Kurt stalked Jarrett. Kurt had the barbed wire bat. Jeff Low Blowed Kurt to prevent the bat attack. Jeff grabbed the bat but Foley tore it out of Jeff’s hands. Foley said it was his bat. Foley swung at Jeff but Jarrett ducked. Jeff punted the stones of Foley and then Stroked him into the bat. Sting slipped in and took the pin. At the same time, Jeff nailed the Stroke on Angle.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: This match proved nothing. It was basically a chance to get Sting into the PPV and provide the set-up for Jarrett getting into the match, as well. This one seemed rushed, even though it had plenty of time. No one got enough time to really showcase themselves. I did like the ending. It wasn’t all that unique but it was fun to see Foley go face-first into Barbie.

Joe and Styles screamed at Jeff for his actions. Jeff tried to explain as TNA went to break.

After the break, TNA showed the ending moments of the match. Sting was in the ring to deliver some good news and some bad news. Sting explained that thanks to the deal struck earlier, Sting gets to battle in the four way at Sacrifice. The bad news is that if Sting gets pinned he will retire…permanently. The crowd was not happy to hear that.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: Not the best TNA show ever, but not horrible. I would have liked a bit more action, but I don’t write the show. If I did, trust me, things would be a lot different. Foley needs to drop the strap. I expect that he won’t at Sacrifice so someone loses something special. I expect Foley will take over TNA, when he beats Jarrett (who has put up his spot as TNA top dog).

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(5/8/09)