TNA IMPACT 03 12 2009


Location: Orlando, Florida (Universal Studios)
Date: March 12, 2009 (Taped: February 23-24)

Kurt Angle + Jeff Jarrett & Mick Foley & BG James: Kurt Angle said Jeff Jarrett crossed the line last week. Angle complained about Jarrett taking his paycheck and buying new suits for the young punks. Angle called out Jarrett to show him just how crazy he is. Jarrett came out but Mick Foley and BG James got in the way and tried to convince him not to do it. BG took Jarrett back to the hotel, while Foley confronted Angle in the ring. Foley asked Angle if he lost his mind. Foley asked what happened to the Olympic Hero. Angle said it had nothing to do with Foley, but Foley said it had everything to do with him. Foley said six months ago he put his own money on the line because he believed in TNA, A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe, and Kurt Angle. Foley said inside the ring, Angle is the best, but the more he saw, the more he saw the real Kurt. Foley said he thought he could reason with Booker, Nash, and Steiner – but they’re as bad as Angle is. Foley said the only person he can place his faith in is Sting. Foley said Sting finally figured out that he has nothing in common with the other Mafia guys. Foley said Sting will walk out of Destination X as TNA champion and the balance of power will have changed. Foley told Kurt his reign of terror will be over. Foley challenged Angle to fight HIM, and give him the opportunity to “Cactus Jack your ass!” Angle got fired up but eventually backed off leaving Foley with a devilish grin on his face!

Jeremy Borash & Jim Cornette + Sting: Jim Cornette said he needed Sting’s help, and pointed out that he always treated Sting with respect. Cornette said management is bugging him that talant backstage isn’t getting any spotlight. Cornette told Sting to pick somebody young from the locker-room to represent him against somebody that Kurt Angle picks. Cornette added that Sting and Angle will be at ringside for the match. Sting left and Cornette told Borash, “if you’re gonna have chaos, make it chaos that you create, and can control. It’s good for business, and business is about to pick up!”

Lauren Brooke & Mick Foley & Jenna Morasca: Lauren Brooke introduced Suvivor: Amazon winner, Jenna Morasca (very hot!). Morasca said she was a huge fan of TNA and watches every week. She said she met Mick Foley at a business conference a few months ago. Lauren asked her whats he did with the $1,000,000 she won on Survivor. Jenna said she invested it, but Mick Foley cut her off and took her away to talk.

Lauren Brooke & Matt Morgan: Matt Morgan harassed Lauren, demanding to know if Abyss was going to accept his challenge to a Thumbtack match. Lauren said Abyss was making progress in his therapy session with Dr. Stevie.

Rhino defeated Sheik Abdul Bashir: Don West finally showed up for work during this match, having left Mick Tenay to work by himself for the first part of the match. West claimed that somebody moved showtime up without telling him. Tenay said it smells like a brewery at the broadcast position (implying Don West was drunk). Rhino won with a surprise roll-up, but Bashir took Rhino down to his knees with a post-match shot to the crotch. The Sheik found a chair under the ring and smashed Rhino in the face with it! The Sheik placed his head-dress on top of Rhino and worshiped his own actions.

Jeremy Borash & The Beautiful People (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne & Cute Kip): JB finally clued in that Madison Rayne was now a member of the Beautiful People. Velvet Sky proclaimed that it was the newly formed sorority Mi Pie Sexy. Angelina said that JB’s microphone was very limp. Angelina said tonight was Madison’s official initiation against Taylor Wilde. Angelina said in case Tracy Brooks gets some stupid ideas, the Beautiful People will be at ringside.

Jeremy Borash & The Main Event Mafia (Kurt Angle & Booker T & Scott Steiner & Kevin Nash): Kurt Angle was looking for somebody to represent him tonight. Scott Steiner said he and Booker already have a match, and Kevin Nash had a tube coming out of his arm. Angle went looking for somebody else…

Lauren Brooke & Jim Cornette & Booker T: Jim Cornette told Booker T he would get his belt back if he signed a document that says he won’t call the cops on A.J. Styles or pursue legal action. Booker T signed it and took his belt, saying it doesn’t matter cause he wants a match with Styles anyway. Cornette pulled out a contract for that match, but Booker said he wouldn’t sign anything without his wife or his lawyer. Cornette made a crack about Booker getting old, so Booker grabbed the contract and signed it!

TNA World Heavyweight champion Sting & “Showtime” Eric Young: Eric Young asked Sting to give him a chance. Sting said there was a handful of people in TNA that has respect and he believes Eric Young is one of them. Sting said he didn’t want to put Young out there, but Young pleaded his case and begged Sting to give him the opportunity that Ric Flair gave Sting all those years ago. Sting agreed and shook Eric’s hand…


Lauren Brooke & Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed + LAX (Homicide & Hernandez): Lauren explained that Lethal Consequences had to find two partners to face Booker T, Scott Steiner, and two partners of their choosing. Jay Lethal said they chose Morales & Santana – but Homicide & Hernandez showed up..

Kurt Angle (w/MEM Security) & Kiyoshi (w/No Limit from AJPW): Kurt Angle tried to recruit Kiyoshi to fight for him tonight. Angle asked him if he understood, but Kiyoshi just kept bowing. Angle kicked Kiyoshi in the gut and said if he doesn’t speak english don’t come to the country!

EDITOR’S NOTES: So far this show has had one five minute wrestling match, one in ring segment, nine backstage segments, and one video package. You wonder why TNA is struggling with their ratings?

Matt Morgan & Beer Money Inc. (Robert Roode & James Storm w/Jackie Moore) defeated Abyss & Team 3-D (Brothers Ray & Devon): Brother Devon was eliminated first. James Storm was disqualified for spitting beer at Brother Ray. Don West and Mike Tenay got into an argument over that. Robert Roode was eliminated. Brother Ray was eliminated. It came down to Matt Morgan vs. Abyss. Morgan brought a bag of tacks in the ring. Abyss couldn’t focus on anything else except the bag of tacks. Abyss picked up the tacks and looked at them. Lauren ran down and pleaded with Abyss to drop the tacks. Morgan flattened Abyss with a stiff kick to the face for the win. Morgan poured the tacks out on the mat, while Lauren jumped in the ring to check on Abyss. Morgan pushed Lauren into the corner and threatened to choke-slam Lauren on the tacks. Abyss came to her rescue and knocked Morgan out to the floor! I would have been very impressed if Lauren took the tacks bump.

RINGSIDE SEGMENT: Don West was shown laughing and called Lauren a stupid blonde for getting involved. Mike Tenay got pissed and told him to “pull a Don West” and leave now. West got up and said if anybody needs him he’ll be at the hotel bar. Tenay said West won’t have to stop and ask for directions. A few minutes later, Mick Foley joined Mike Tenay at the announce position.

Abyss & Lauren Brooke: Abyss spewed into the camera that he was going to get Matt Morgan. Abyss said Morgan would leave Destination-X with lots of holes in him. Abyss promised to make Morgan his BITCH!

Taylor Wilde (w/Roxxi & The Governor) defeated Madison Rayne (w/The Beautiful People & Cute Kip): Tracy Brooks was the referee for this match wearing a sexy custom made referee shirt to hold her over-sized boulders. After the match, the Beautiful People attacked Taylor while Cute Kip blocked Roxx & The Governor from entering the ring. Roxxi & The Governor crotched Kip on the ring post and went after the Beautiful People. Cute Kip recovered and sprayed Roxxi & Governor’s eyes with purfume. Mi Pie Sexi stood over their fallen rivals..

Jeremy Borash & ODB: They showed some video submission to win a night with ODB. ODB explained how a guy can get to first base (just say Hello), second base (buy her a drink), or a home run (buy her a box of stogies). ODB said she was horny and mounted Jeremy Borash.

RINGSIDE SEGMENT: Booker T (w/Sharmell & Kevin Nash) confronted Mike Tenay about comments he has made. Mick Foley stood up to defend Tenay, and security was called in to drag Booker T away… Foley said they were being unprofessional. Suddenly Scott Steiner whacked Foley from behind with a lead pipe! Steiner bashed Foley with the pipe and screamed at him! BG James ran out to check on Mick Foley, who was bleeding from the back of his head. If BG is back does that mean Jeff Jarrett is back, too? EMT’s showed up to work on Foley. After the commercial, they told Foley he needed 10 stitched. Foley refused to get in the ambulance and stormed back into the building!

HIGHLIGHT REEL: The Ultimate X – four competitors all said they were worried about SUICIDE, and one of them pointed out that he might be willing to kill himself to get the X-Division title..

Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed & Homicide & Hernandez defeated Booker T & Scott Steiner & Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin, : Lethal/Creed picked LAX to be their partners, while Booker/Steiner surprisingly picked the Motor City Machine Guns. .

Jeremy Borash & Mick Foley & BG James: JB said this wasn’t the reason Mick Foley came to TNA, and nothing good can come of this. Foley said he wants something bad to come of this, and got fired up while cutting a promo on the Main Event Mafia. Foley said the warmth of his own blood gives him comfort. BG James went for the Academy Award and said broke down saying it wasn’t supposed to go down like this!

Kurt Angle (w/MEM Security) & Brutus Magnus: Kurt Angle tried to recruit Brutus Magnus to wrestle for him tonight but Magnus didn’t want to go against the TNA Founder, Jeff Jarrett… Angle was at the end of his leash, so he picked Main Event Mafia security guard 400+ lbs Rocco.

Eric Young w/Sting defeated Rocco w/Kurt Angle: Late in the match, Kurt Angle gave the double thumbs down – telling Rocco to go in for the kill. Rocco went to the top rope but missed the big splash! Eric Young hit a miraculous Death Valley Driver for the win! After the match, Sting and Angle started to fight, but MEM security grabbed Sting so Angle could punch him! Mick Foley ran down to help Sting and went after Angle. Scott Steiner attacked Foley from behind, as Kevin Nash limped into the ring. Jeff Jarrett hit the ring and whacked the Mafia security guards with a steel chair. When Jarrett went after Steiner and Nash, Sting got in the way and protected them. Jarrett said he would be the guest referee, and Foley would be the outside enforcer, at Destination X when Sting faces Angle for the TNA World Heavyweight title…