TNA IMPACT 07 02 2009


Location: Orlando, Florida (Universal Studios)
Date: July 2, 2009 (Taped: June 23-24-25)

The Main Event Mafia (Kurt Angle & Scott Steiner & Booker T -w/Sharmell– & Kevin Nash -w/Jenna Morasca- & Samoa Joe) + Mick Foley + Jeff Jarrett: Kurt Angle told Sting, who was sitting home licking his wounds, that last week wasn’t personal – it was just business. Angle then told Mick Foley to come out and face the boss, man to man. Angle scolded Foley for making decisions against the Mafia and declared that there would be consequences. Angle said it was time to pay the band. Foley said he messed up and made some bad decisions, and asked Angle to leave him alone and let him wrestle Kurt at Victory Road. Foley’s security stepped out front so Steiner destroyed them with his lead pipe. Foley said he hired the worst security team in history, and made some of the worst decisions of his life. Foley told the Mafia to do their worst, but just leave enough to face Angle at Victory Road. Angle suggested, Door #1) Angle kicks Mick’s ass, Door #2) Steiner kicks Mick’s ass, Door #3) Nash kicks Mick’s ass, or Door #4) Joe kicks Mick’s ass. Foley picked door number one, and then the entire Mafia started to destroy Foley all at once. Finally Jeff Jarrett came down with a guitar and the Mafia retreated. Angle screamed threats at Jarrett. Jarrett turned and smashed his guitar over Foley’s head! Jarrett then apparently left with the Main Event Mafia! Don West proclaimed “if you can’t beat’em, join’em!!” It wasn’t made clear that Jarrett actually joined the Mafia or not. Probably not.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Mick Foley was trying to get at Jeff Jarrett but TNA security was holding him back. Jarrett shouted at Foley, “it will never work between us!”

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the part of the show where a smart wrestling promotion would present a good wrestling match, but this promotion, which calls itself “total nonstop action” provided the first of many pointless segments, this time featuring Mike Tenay interviewing Kevin Nash. I predict the rating for this show will be a whopping 1.1 – which is the same rating it’s gotten for the past three years. Seriously, I’m sICK oF iMPACT.

Mike Tenay & Kevin Nash: Mike Tenay called Kevin Nash the “most controversial figure ever” in wrestling. Nash talked about being WWF champion as Diesil barely making seven figures, then moving to WCW making millions for half the dates. Nash said he loved the business but it become more about how much money they can make. Tenay asked if the titles mean anything, citing his Legend’s title match at Victory Road. Nash said titles are great, but the bottom line is if you go out to an autograph signing kids want their picture taken with the melt so it does equate to cash. Nice.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the part of the show where a promotion with HALF a brain would show a good wrestling match, but the idiots that run Total Non-stop “Action” quickly cut to yet another pointless repeatitive backstage segment..

Abyss & Lauren Brooke: Abyss was taking a fit and Lauren was trying to calm him down. Abyss was screaming for Dr. Stevie. Abyss picked up Lauren and set her down on a table so she was eye level with him. Abyss said it was okay, and he would never harm Lauren. Abyss said he’s never cared about anyone like he cares for Lauren. Abyss said he is sick today, and he’ll be sick tomorrow. Abyss said he never stopped Lauren from being a woman, so don’t ask him to stop being a monster. Lauren said Abyss was a MAN. Abyss said he would come and get her when it was all over.

Amazing Red defeated Cody Deaner w/ODB: ODB shouted intructions from ringside during the match. The Deaner climbed to the top rope despite orders from ODB not to do something that foolish. Deaner crashed and burned, and Amazing Red capitalized and scored the victory!

Abyss + TNA SECURITY: Abyss was still going crazy when three security guards surrounded him with bats. Abyss looked like he was going to take them all on when head-of-security Mike Davis (aka Bugsy McGraw) stepped in. 99.9% of the viewers will have no idea who the hell Bugsy McGraw is. Davis shouted “I may be a crazy old man, and you may kick my ass, but this isn’t going to happen here. NOT IN MY HOUSE!” I can hear the fans going “HUH?” already.

Jeremy Borash & Jeff Jarrett + The Main Event Mafia: Jeremy Borash was trying to get some answers from Jeff Jarrett when the Main Event Mafia came through the door. Kurt Angle sat down with Jarrett and the rest of the Mafia surrounded them. Angle offered Jarrett a peace offering, saying with the Jarrett’s power, and the Mafia’s stroke, they could rule the business for the next 10 years. Jarrett stood up and yelled “SCREW YOUR OFFER!” Jarrett reminded Angle that he brought Angle into TNA to replace him and he (Angle) abused his spot. Jarrett said it was his company and they were playing by HIS rules. Jarrett booked Angle & Samoa Joe vs. himself & A.J. Styles – adding that Angle’s title would be on the line. The Mafia was shocked, and Booker T was especially offended, shouting “he’s making the rules up as he goes!”

Lauren Brooke & Jenna Morasca + Sojourner Bolt: Lauren asked Jenna how she was going to get out of Sharmell’s challenge for Victory Road? Jenna said she was gonna fight Sharmell and it was gonna be on. Sojourner Bolt confronted Jenna and said Sharmell was “her girl” (since when?). Sojo vowed to train Sharmell and make sure she was ready for Victory Road.

Jeremy Borash & The Main Event Mafia: Kurt Angle said he always wondered what it would be like if he and Samoa Joe were a team. Angle said now they will find out and tonight they will see why the world is the Mafia’s to take.. Everyone left, and Booker T asked Sharmell to go get Matt Morgan..

“Showtime” Eric Young defeated Rhino w/Jesse Neal: They have given Jesse Neal a goofy Mo-hawk. Late in the match, Neal jumped up on the apron and caused a distration, leading to Eric Young scoring the victory.

Lauren Brooke & Sharmell + Matt Morgan: Sharmell found Matt Morgan and told him Kurt Angle wanted to see him. Morgan started celebrating, saying he has been waiting for the day that he gets to join the Main Event Mafia.

Jeremy Borash & The Main Event Mafia + Matt Morgan: Matt Morgan said he knew when he woke up this morning that it was going to be a huge day for the Blueprint. Morgan said his only question was “how many zeros?” Angle said the Mafia was taking Morgan under serious consideration. Angle said he needs to cover all his bases tonight, and told Morgan to make sure Christopher Daniels doesn’t get near the ring during the main event tonight. Morgan said he understands, but his patience is running thin – and told Angle to make the right decision quickly!

Tara & Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saed defeated The Beautiful People (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky w/Madison Rayne): Tara brought a box to the ring with a Tarantula inside. Awesome Kong finished off Velvet Sky with the Awesome-bomb and after the match, Tara let her taratula crawl all over Sky’s sexy body while Angelina & Madison ran away screaming! Kong seemed a little bit freaked out as well.

Lauren Brooke & Angelina Love: Angelina Love was screaming in fear of the tarantula. It seemed like she only cared about her own fate, and not about the fate of her Beautiful People partner in the ring… Lauren took the opportunity to tease Angelina, saying “what’s that on your shoulder?” Angelina screamed and ran away, while Lauren looked in the camera and said “what comes around goes around!”

The Main Event Mafia (Scott Steiner & Booker T w/Sharmell) defeated Team 3-D (Brothers Ray & Devon): TNA World Tag Team champions Beer Money Inc. (Robert Roode & James Storm) joined Mike Tenay & Don West on commentary. West insulted Beer Money until they sat down then he started kissing their ass. Midway through the match, Sheik Abdul Bashir & Kiyoshi came down and attacked Beer Money. They brawled out of the iMPACT Zone. Team 3-D hit Booker T with the 3-D but Sharmell distracted the referee. Team 3-D then hit Steiner with the Wassup-drop. Team 3-D tried to “get the tables” but the British Invasion ran down and atatcked them! Brutus Magnus knocked out Brother Ray with a briefcase and put Booker T on top for the 1-2-3, giving the Main Event Mafia the victory!

Jethro Holiday vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal: Abyss attacked Jay Lethal (Holiday’s scheduled opponent) & Consequences Creed backstage and went to the ring and destroyed Jethro Holiday, too.

Abyss + Dr. Stevie & Lauren Brooke (on screen): Abyss called out Dr. Stevie, looking to get revenge for the “shock therapy” he received at Slammiversay. Abyss looked into the camera and said “Dr. Stevie, I don’t need you any more!” Abyss said no more shock treatment, except for YOU. Abyss promised to snap Dr. Stevie like a twig. Dr. Stevie came up on the big screen holding Lauren Brooke hostage somewhere backstage. Dr. Stevie said he thought long and hard about what he could do to Lauren. Stevie said he worked on Abyss for hours and he turned on him for this useless piece of meat. Stevie said he owns Abyss and he will come to his office for therapy, or else he would do something to Lauren. Abyss jumped out of the ring and ran backstage…

The Main Event Mafia (Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe) defeated Jeff Jarrett & A.J. Styles: If Jeff Jarrett & A.J. Styles won, whoever scored the pinfall would win Kurt Angle’s TNA World Heavyweight title. Late in the match, the referee was knocked down/out. Jarrett had Angle covered for the 1-2-3 but there was no referee.. Jarrett grabbed the guitar and lined up to smash Angle. Referee Slick Johnson snatched the guitar away from Jarrett, and Angle snuck in and put Jarrett in the Anklelock! Jarrett held on and refused to submit, but eventually passed out from the pain. The referee noticed and awarded the match to the Main Event Mafia. Kevin Nash, Booker T, and Scott Steiner came down to join the celebration. Styles jumped in with the Legend’s title to chase the Mafia away before they could do more damage to Jarrett. Joe snuck in and tackled Styles, and the rest of the Mafia swarmed like a pack of wolves. Meanwhile, they showed video backstage of Matt Morgan assaulting Christopher Daniels. The Mafia destroyed Styles and Nash was about to knock Styles out with a shot from the Legend’s belt. The lights went out and Sting appeared in the ring with the baseball bat. Sting started taking out the Mafia one member at a time and then took possession of Angle’s championship. The lights went out and Sting disappeared along with Angle’s belt!