TNA IMPACT 08 27 2009


Location: Orlando, Florida (Universal Studios)
Date: August 27, 2009 (Taped: August 17-18)

Lauren Brooke + Sting & A.J. Styles + Kip James: A.J. Styles and Sting arrived together in a yellow convertible. Lauren Brooke asked Styles what he was doing there tonight, and Styles said he brought his wrestling gear. Kip James showed up and asked if he could park Sting’s car. Sting said Kip doesn’t have to part anybody’s car. Kip told Lauren “you know, I used to have one of these cars” and Lauren asked “when?” Kip’s responded, “when I was OVER.”

TNA X-Division champion Samoa Joe vs. SUICIDE: Christopher Daniels joined Mike Tenay & Taz on commentary for the match. Afew minutes into the match, Pope D’Angelo Dinero made his way to ringside as the crowd chanted “Pope is Pimpin’!” Suddenly, SUICIDE went after the Pope, and Joe started brawling with Christopher Daniels – causing the referee to throw the match out! Referee Earl Hebner ordered that the match would continue later as a tag team match…

Lauren Brooke & Eric Young: Eric Young guaranteed that Hernandez would become a member of the World Elite. Eric Young said Hernandez isn’t American, he is (like him) a second rate citizen. Young said tonight Hernandez will find sanctuary, the World Elite will get stronger, and he’ll open Hernandez’s eyes.

World Elite (Eric Young & Sheik Abdul Bashir & Kiyoshi & Brutus Magnus & Doug Williams & Rob Terry) + Hernandez: What was the point of the three minute interview, if Eric Young was just going to come to the ring and repeat everything. The Sheik talked about the Iraq war, specifically six years earlier when the President declared that the war was over. The Sheik asked what was killing 600 of his brothers and sisters every day? The Sheik said it was a world “you people” know nothing about, because they are brainwashed by the American media. The Sheik said they think that voting for an American Idol is more important than voting for an American President. The Sheik said they think a dead King of Pop is on the front page of the newspaper instead of a dead Iraqi child. The Sheik said for the weak, it’s easier than the truth. The Sheik called America a “junkie” and an addict for OIL. Eric Young said he wanted to talk about Hernandez, so Hernandez made his way to the ring. Young asked Hernandez when was the last time he came to the ring wearing the colors of his own country (America). Young said the fans won’t respect Hernandez, and they will view him as a common theif. Young said Hernandez needs to come home, and join the World Elite. Hernandez said he WAS home, and “these people” are his family! Hernandez yelled “THIS IS OUR COUNTRY” and then suggested Young love it or leave it..

Lauren Brooke & Traci Brooks & Sharmell: Sharmell said they weren’t sweating Amazing Kong & Raisha Saed – saying that they were Mafia and had Gangsta going through their veins.

Lauren Brooke & The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) + Dr. Stevie: Alex Shelley was working of a camera man and zoomed in on Lauren’s boobs as she hyped the TNA Knockouts Tag Team tournament. Dr. Stevie came in and asked if the Guns were finished fooling around, and if they wanted to make $50,000. All they had to do was end the career of “The Monster” Abyss. Dr. Stevie promised to pay up $50,000 in cash if they end Abyss’s career!

Awesome Kong & Raisha Saed defeated The Main Event Mafia (Sharmell & Traci Brooks): Raisha Saed “stole” the pin and that didn’t set well with Awesome Kong, but nonetheless, they advanced to the next round of the tournament..

Jeremy Borash & Matt Morgan + The Main Event Mafia: Matt Morgan barged into the Main Event Mafia locker room and accused Kurt Angle of messing up their match last week. Angle said Morgan was not experienced enough, and booked him in a six man tag teaming with Booker T & Scott Steiner. Morgan said he got Dixie Carter to put him in the fourway title match at No Surrender. Morgan said he would have Angle’s back, just like Angle had his back at Hard Justice and last week. Morgan gave Angle a hug and said he’d see them out there..

Jesse Neal defeated Rhino: After Rhino squashed Jesse Neal in a short match, he callously GOREd him in the middle of the ring! The referee reversed the decision and awarded the match to Neal. Rhino continued to beat on Neal until Brother Devon ran down to put a stop to it!

Jeremy Borash & Mick Foley + ODB & Cody Deaner + Abyss: Mick Foley acted as “judge” with a goofy wig to render his decision over the TNA Knockout title. Abyss came in and wanted to return Foley’s barbed wire bat. Foley gave Abyss another brown paper bag, this time full of groceries. Abyss thanked Foley and left with his food. ODB said the “Knocked Up” title was for women, and Cody Deaner is a man. The Deaner claimed to have knocked out Mike Tyson and Chuck Norris, and that is why he should be the Knockout champion. Foley said he would hold up the Knockout title until ODB and Deaner wrestle for it at No Surrender.

Abyss defeated The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin w/Dr. Stevie): Abyss handled the Motor City Machine Guns just fine, and even briefly got his hands on Dr. Stevie.. After the match, Dr. Stevie yelled at the Motor City Machine Guns and they beat the crap out of him! Abyss applauded from ringside and brought a chair into the ring! Suddenly, Kevin Nash came out and took they took a commercial because it takes him so long to walk to the ring.

Abyss & Dr. Stevie & Kevin Nash: After the commercial, Kevin Nash was only half way to the ring. Of course, Kevin Nash was interested in the $50,000 so he promised to hand Abyss’ head over to Dr. Stevie on a silver platter. Nash said when Abyss stuck his nose in his business at Hard Justice, he made this personal!

Lauren Brooke & Daffney: Lauren asked Daffney how she plans for an opponent she’s never seen before. Daffney said she was incapable for planning, and lives in the moment. Daffney said she counts sheep every night, but doesn’t let them jump the fence. Daffney said she attacks them, drains their blood, skins them, and wears them to the supermarket! She said tonight Hamada will find out just how disturbed the Scream Queen is! Daffney is the BEST..

Hamada defeated Daffney: The finish saw Hamada place Daffney on a table at ringside, and then she did a moonsault off the top rope crashing through the table! The crowd chanted THIS IS AWESOME! One Hamada-driver later, and Hamada won her first match on iMPACT!

Jeremy Borash & The Beautiful People (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) + Madison Rayne: The Beautiful People barged into Madison Rayne’s dressing room and harassed her mercilessly. Love said they heard Rayne found a mystery partner for the tag team tournament. They said they drew Rayne’s name and implied that they performed favours to get it. Love called Rayne a skank and said she has an ass-kicking coming. Rayne told them to stop talking about it and do something! Rayne shoved Love and they started to brawl aka catfight as Borash tried to help the situation..

SUICIDE & Christopher Daniels defeated Samoa Joe & Pope D’Angelo Dinero:

Jeremy Borash & Bobby Lashley & Dixie Carter: TNA President announced that TNA has signed a new three-year deal for programming with SpikeTV. Bobby Lashley talked about doing both professional wrestling and MMA, meeting with Dixie Carter (who is really sexy, by the way). Lashley said he didn’t want to do either “half ass.” Carter said it wasn’t a traditional signing, but it was a way for TNA to make their mark by making Bobby the biggest name in MMA. Lashley said his goals in TNA was to make an iMPACT (not to be cliche). Lashley said he was aiming for the top, mentioning Kurt Angle by name. Carter said it’s her vision for Lashley to be the King of both worlds.. Carter also announced that Lashley’s first match will be against Rhino at No Surrender..

Sting & A.J. Styles & Hernandez defeated Matt Morgan & Booker T & Scott Steiner: Kurt Angle joined Mike Tenay & Taz on commentary and said Matt Morgan proved to him that he is not experienced enough to be in the Main Event Mafia. Matt Morgan was made to look like a complete baffoon and he was pinned by A.J. Styles. After the match, Booker T & Scott Steiner berated Matt Morgan, until Morgan snapped and knocked them both out of the ring!