Total Nonstop Action – Pay-Per-View
March 21, 2010 – Orlando, Florida
OFFICIAL TNA PPV RUN-DOWN:
Theme Song: “Torn Apart” by Death On Two Wheels
Announce Team: Mike Tenay & Taz with Jeremy Borash reporting
Kazarian beat Kendrick and Daniels and Red (4-WAY Ladder Match)
Tara defeated Daffney (TNA Knockout Title Match)
Big Rob Terry defeated MAGNUS (TNA Global Title Match)
Motor City Machine Guns beat Generation Me (Ultimate X)
Scott Hall & Sean Waltman beat Kevin Nash & Eric Young
Doug Williams defeated Shannon Moore (TNA X-Division Title)
Morgan & Hernandez beat Beer Money Inc. (TNA Tag Team Titles)
Kurt Angle defeated Mr. Anderson (Super Grudge Match)
A.J. Styles vs. Abyss was a No Contest (TNA World Title)
#1 CONTENDERS LADDER 4-WAY (X-DIVISION TITLE)
(Frankie) Kazarian defeated Brian Kendrick and (Christopher) Daniels and Amazing Red: There was a contact on a clipboard hanging above the ring. Kendrick played the cowardly heel, avoiding the in-ring action, and trying to sneak in with the ladder when the other three weren’t looking. They took turns trying to climb the ladder, as the crowd chanted “X-DIVISION!” wildly. Does anyone remember A.J. Styles vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Low-Ki back in the early days of TNA? Kendrick set up a ladder accross the guard rail and the edge of the ring. Kazarian ended up on the ladder and Daniels did a split-legged moonsault onto him! Daniels stood on the ladder, but was taken down by a Hurricanrana by Red. Chants of “This Is Awesome!” were heard in the iMPACT Zone. Kazarian & Red climbed to the top of the ladder, but Kendrick pushed it over, causing both men to crash below. All four men completed a series of amazing spots at various levels of danger. The crowd seemed to walk Kendrick to win the match. The finish saw Kendrick and Kazarian on top of the ladder, with Kendrick taking the fall and Kazarian grabbing the contract to earn a future X-Division title shot! Finish was kind of weak.
ON STAGE: Chelsea (Desmond Wolfe’s valet) pushed Ric Flair out to the stage in a wheel chair (after being Black Hole Slammed through the stage). Flair cut a promo telling the fans not to cheer him, saying him being in a wheel chair was NO FUNNY. Flair talked about all his injuries, and crashing in an airplane, but has never been in a wheel chair! Flair said he didn’t come to didn’t to be immobilized, but he came for action! Flair said the people that are responsible are Hulk Hogan and Abyss. Flair said tonight the Abyss & Hogan pay the price for doing that to the Nature Boy!
Hulk Hogan & Abyss + Eric Bischoff: Hulk Hogan told Abyss to stop asking him how he’s doing a good job, because he’s never seen a wrestler with the momentum that Abyss has. Hogan said the power of Abyssamania is like nothing he’s ever seen. Hogan asked Abyss what it felt like to get his hands on Ric Flair? Abyss said when he put Flair through the stage he never felt that rush of power in his life. Abyss said he had so much energy, but he wants more. Hogan told Abyss not to be afraid of the power, and don’t be afraid to use the ring. Hogan said the gold around Abyss’ finger will lead to some gold around his waist. Hogan told Abyss to go get ready for his match. Eric Bischoff came in wearing a hat, because Mick Foley shaved his head on iMPACT, and Abyss asked “do you have a baseball game today?” before exiting. Hogan admitted that it was funny. Hogan said everyone knows what Foley is capable of, and Jarrett is the same way, while begging Bischoff to get back to the business of TNA tonight.
TNA KNOCKOUT TITLE MATCH
Tara defeated Daffney to retain the TNA Knockout title: After the match, Tara celebrated with the fans around ringside. Meanwhile, Daffney stole the glass box containing Tara’s pet spider. Daffney gloated and licked the box from the stage (implying that she was going to eat it?)..
Christy Hemme & Brutus Magnus: Brutus Magnus changed his name to just MAGNUS – because he only needs one name to become a champion in TNA. Magnus said he hired Big Rob Terry to get his coffee, be he had to go out and get some glory. Magnus said he was going to have to kill the monster that he created (or something like that)..
TNA GLOBAL TITLE MATCH
Big Rob Terry defeated MAGNUS to retain the TNA Global title: Short match.
Christy Hemme & The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin): Chris Sabin said Generation Me has more balls than brains, because they are not ready to compete on THIS LEVEL. Sabin said tonight when their mommy puts them to bed, Generation Me will have nightmares about the damage the Machine Guns are going to inflict on them. Alex Shelley said some people say they have a bit of an attitude, well they would too if they worked to be the greatest tag team in the world, but were not allowed to realize their full potential. Shelley said nothing would keep them from their destiny, come hell of high WIRE.
ULTIMATE-X #1 CONTENDERS TAG TEAM MATCH
The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) defeated Generation Me (Max & Jeromy Buck): The X was hanging above the ring, but it seemed lower than usual. It looked like you can stand under it and jump up and grab it. They did some really fun high-speed spots at the beginning of this match. They went into a series of dangerous but entertaining spots, causing the fans to chant “This Is Awesome!” High speed. High impact. The finish saw Sabin and Jeromy hanging from the X, with Jeromy taking the fall and Sabin grabbing the X to earn a TNA Tag Team title shot. Generation Me really earned their stripes in this match. Cool match, but a weak finish.
Jeremy Borash & The Band (Sean Waltman & Scott Hall): Sean Waltman talked about getting banned for life from TNA if they lose to Kevin Nash & Eric Young. Scott Hall said he broke out the old school gear (from WCW) for tonight. Hall said he knows he has a great partner, but asked if Nash can trust his buddy Eric Young. Hall said they would shine like gold tonight, and they will be the ones who look like movie stars. Waltman looked and sounded like he was on drugs, while Hall was just acting like he was on drugs.
TAG TEAM GRUDGE MATCH
Scott Hall & Sean Waltman defeated Kevin Nash & Eric Young: If Scott Hall & Sean Waltman lose, they are banned from TNA – FOREVER! Hall & Waltman came out with no entrance music because they are not under contract. Hall did his “hey Yo!” and followed up with a little survey, asking the fans if they wanted to see them with big money contracts. It got a mixed reaction, but Hall proclaimed, “one more for the bad guys!” Eric Young and Sean Waltman started the match at a good speed, but when Hall was tagged in it slowed down a little bit. A few minutes later, Waltman searched for something under the ring, yelling “where the f*ck is it?” and Eric Young actually pointed him in the right direction. Waltman pulled out a can of black spray-paint and sprayed it in Young’s face! In the ring, Young finally got the hot tag on Kevin Nash, who stepped in the ring and predictably turned on his partner, giving Young a Jacknife Power-bomb! Nash dragged Young back to the corner and then tagged himself out. Waltman planted Young, and Hall finished him off with the (Razor’s) Edge for the win. Hall & Waltman get big money contracts in TNA all thanks to Kevin “The Smartest Man in Wrestling” Nash. They are calling themselves the WOLFPAC now. Waltman spray-painted a crime-scene outline of Eric Young’s body on the floor of the ring. They actually used the old Wolfpac music from WCW as well.
Jeremy Borash & Kurt Angle: Kurt Angle held up an 8X10 photo of Mr. Anderson and burned it right in front of the camera. Angle proclaimed, “oh it’s REAL, it’s damn real!”
TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH
Doug Williams defeated Shannon Moore to retain the TNA X-Division title: The outline of Eric Young’s body was still visible in the middle of the ring. The finish saw Doug Williams use a brick to knock out Shannon Moore for the victory! After the match, Williams told a bloody Moore he didn’t deserve a title shot in the first place! Williams said Moore was another example of everything he despises about the X-Division – junked up acrobats who call themselves wrestlers. Williams said he is the epitome of what the X-Division should be – technical wrestling! Williams said that’s why he brings prestige to the title and the whole X-Division. Williams said high fliers belong in the circus with the clowns. Williams called Moore a clown, and offered to assist him with his make-up. Williams grabbed a purse from a planted female fan and found some lipstick inside. Williams painted lines on Moore’s face with the lipstick.
TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Matt Morgan & Hernandez defeated Beer Money Inc. (Robert Roode & James Storm) to retain the TNA World Tag Team titles: Hernandez & Matt Morgan were clearly not on the same page, and are heading towards an eventual break-up. It wasn’t a matter of if, but WHEN. Matt Morgan has already turned heel, and yelled at Hernandez from the ring apron instead of encouraging him like a tag partner should do. Finally Hernandez got the hot tag and Matt Morgan went after Beer Money as the fans chanted “you still suck!” Morgan foolishly tagged the exhausted Hernandez back into the match. Hernandez did a dive to the floor, where Morgan yelled “are you this dumb? you can’t win it out here!” Morgan shoved Hernandez back in the ring. James Storm tried to spit beer at Hernandez, but he ducked and the beer went in Morgan’s face! Hernandez hit Storm with his finisher for the win! Morgan was still pissed off, and took Hernandez out with a Carbon Footprint after the match! Morgan raised both belts above his head and asked “who sucks now?”
SUPER GRUDGE MATCH
Kurt Angle defeated Mr. Anderson: Mr. Anderson came out wearing a shirt that read “pro-wrestling is REAL, people are FAKE.” The match started pretty slow at first. Late in the match, the referee was knocked out. Anderson searched for something under the ring, but couldn’t find what he was looking for. Anderson gabbed a chair from a ringside fan, and brought it into the ring. Anderson dropped the chair and grabbed the Warrior medal from the corner post. Angle blocked Anderson, and grabbed the medals. Angle sliced Anderson open with the medal so he was a bloody mess. Angle applied the Anklelock just as the referee woke up to see Anderson tapping out. Angle left the ring, and Anderson called for the microphone to be lowered. Anderson said people were fake, and claimed that Angle was not an American hero, probably not a real gold medalist, and most certainly not a REAL American. Anderson said he tried to have a straight up match with Angle tonight, but Angle had to resort to cheap tactics to get a victory. Anderson said the people think Angle will go home and rest easy, bt he knows the only thing Angle is going to do tonight is lay in bed with his eyes open with the words ANDERSON going through his head. Anderson kept repeating the word ANDERSON, and it seemed like he really got inside of Angle’s head.
Christy Hemme & TNA World Heavyweight champion A.J. Styles: Christy Hemme asked how Ric Flair being in a wheelchair will change his strategy. Styles said the strategy will be the same, and proceeded to get a promo on Abyss for injuring the Nature Boy’s back.
Jeremy Borash & #1 Contender Abyss: Abyss said A.J. Styles was confident because he’s the World champion and what’s left of Ric Flair on his side. Abyss said he and Styles were from different sides of the same coin. Abyss said Styles has Ric Flair, but HE has the power of Hulk Hogan running through his body. Abyss has changed his promo style and is trying to sound more like the Hulkster of the 80s. Abyss said when he’s done with A.J. there won’t be anything left!
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
TNA World Heavyweight champion A.J. Styles w/Ric Flair vs. “The Monster Abyss” ended in a No Contest: Chelsea wheeled Ric Flair down to ringside to watch his protege defend the World Heavyweight title. Abyss has pieces of red and yellow sewed into his black ring gear. Abyss inflicted some early damage on the ramp right in front of Flair. Styles ran down the ramp to the ring, but was caught by Abyss and launched accross the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex! Late in the match, Flair sprayed the referee’s eyes with mace, causing him to scream like a girl. Flair tossed the title belt into the ring, where Styles used it to knock out Abyss! Some medics took the referee backstage. Hulk Hogan came out with Earl Hebner to replace the referee. Hogan told Chelsea to get lost, and pushed Flair up to the stage kicking and screaming (if you have an injured back should you really squirm around like that?). Back in the ring, Abyss started to “hulk up” and absorbed some of A.J.’s chops. Abyss mounted a come-back, and actually choke-slammed Styles through the ring!!! Referee Earl Hebner called for the bell and ended the match (WHY?). Hulk Hogan came back to the ring and presented Abyss with the championship. Chelsea wheeled Ric Flair back down to ringside to protest. The referee took possession of the belt. Abyss grabbed Flair by the throat and dragged him into the ring. Earl Hebner actually got tripped up on the trap door and may have tweeked his knee. Chelsea entered the ring and pulled out the mace, but Hogan caught her, and redirected it into the face of Ric Flair! Desmond Wolfe ran down and took some shots from Abyss & Hogan. It was quite dangerous with that big hole in the ring. Hogan sprayed Wolfe in the eyes with the mace, and he stumbled backwards, tripping over Flair, and falling into the hole. Flair then rolled himself into the big hole (which they cleverly called the “abyss”). Hulk Hogan & Abyss celebrated in the ring as “American Made” played over the sound system. Welcome to WCW.