WWE Monday Night RAW 07 28 2008

July 28, 2008 – Washington DC
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

DARK MATCH: Paul London defeated Charlie Haas..

John Cena + Batista + Shane McMahon: Michael Cole & John Cena explained that John Cena and Batista had a major altercation after RAW went off the air last week. John Cena came out and said he was man enough to admit when he has made a mistake, and admitted that he hit Batista in the mouth – and knows that there will be some consequences. Cena asked Batista to come out so they can settle the consequences right now. Batista came out wearing a very GAY-looking Washington Bullet’s jersey since Washington DC is his hometown. Batista came out and said nobody knows more than him that things happen in the heat of the moment. Batista said he saw the video and knows he didn’t mean to hit him so they are cool. Batista said he likes John Cena and respects him. Batista said when he beats Punk at SummerSlam for the World title, John Cena is the first person he wants to defend it against. Cena said Batista has already had his two shots at the World championship and there are a lot of other guys who deserve a shot. Batista said the only reason he’s not champion right now, is because people keep interfering in his matches. Batista said C.M. Punk cannot beat him, and he knows Cena can’t beat him either. Cena said that he and Batista should headline WrestleMania (Cena must have read my RAW recap last week!), but Cena suggested they have WrestleMania right here tonight! Batista was about to accept the challenge when Shane McMahon, billed as Executive Vice-President, showed up on the stage. Shane said he and Stephanie have appointed the new General Manager of RAW and he’s introduce this person later tonight. Shane said the new G.M. has already booked some matches tonight, including C.M. Punk against one of the hottest free agents in wrestling. Shane said Cena & Batista have been booked in a tag team match with JBL & Kane.

Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix defeated D-Lo Brown & Kelly Kelly: Backstage before the match, both Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix claimed their kiss last week meant nothing and agreed to keep things professional tonight. Santino pinned Kelly and celebrated “as if he won the gold medal at the Olympics.” Beth Phoenix shook Santino’s hand to celebrate their victory, but they stood there surrounded by obvious sexual tension. Santino ‘puckered up’ but turned away from Beth, so Beth grabbed him by the back of the head and planted a big wet aggressive kiss on his lips and rocked his world!

Jeff Foxworthy: The “you might be a Redneck, if” comedian plugged Jenny McCarthy’s fight against Autism this weekend on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Shane McMahon & John Bradshaw Layfield: JBL spoke with Shane McMahon and said neither Batista or Cena deserve title shots. Shane told JBL to take it up with the new General Manager. Shane’s cell phone rang, and he talked to the mystery General Manager about making some changes.

Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes defeated Jerry “The King” Lawler & Michael Cole: It was originally supposed to be Rhodes/DiBiase vs. Lawler/Duggan, but Lilian Garcia was handed a note ‘from the General Manager’ which changed the match to Lawler/Cole. So there was no commentary for the match, since the commentators were participants in the match. Jerry Lawler wrestled most of the match until he bumped into Michael Cole and accidentally tagged him into the match. Cody Rhodes made short work of Cole and basically destroyed him!

Mike Adamle + Jerry “The King” Lawler: Mike Adamle appeared out of thin air and explained that he was called by the WWE office earlier this week and told to be at RAW and now he knows why. A disgusted Jerry Lawler joined Mike Adamle at the announce table – good lord help us all!

Jamie Noble & Layla El: Jamie Noble said that he was the rising star on RAW and has all the tools to go straight to top. Noble said he brought his part-time girlfriend part time associate, Layla El (her eyes didn’t agree with that statement). Noble said he challenged the current Intercontinental champion, Kofi Kingston, to a match tonight so he could back up his statements.

WWE Intercontinental champion Kofi Kingston defeated Jamie Noble w/Layla El:

World Heavyweight champion C.M. Punk defeated William Regal with the Go-To-Sleep: John Bradshaw Layfield joined Mike Adamle & Jerry Lawler on commentary for the match. C.M. Punk’s mystery opponent, billed as the hottest free-agent in wrestling, turned out to be “King of the Ring”” William Regal – who was fired (in storyline) two months ago (but is actually returning from a 60-day suspension/wellness policy violation). Regal had goofy new ring gear and was in incredible shape. Aftert he match, JBL was set to confront C.M. Punk but they were immediately interrupted by Kane.

C.M. Punk & John Bradshaw Layfield + Kane: Kane walked to the ring carrying the mystery burlap sack with unknown contents. Kane whacked JBL. Punk kicked Kane, but JBL kicked Punk in the head. JBL and Kane had a stand-off – they will be tag team partners later tonight.

Chris Jericho & Lance Cade: They were saying that the word going around the locker room was that this could very well be Chris Jericho’s final edition of the Highlight Reel. Jericho came out to his usual Highlight Reel set, except the extremely expensive Jeritron 3000 video screen was still smashed up from the time Jericho smashed Shawn Michaels’ head through it! Jericho told the fans that he has grown up and will never settle for being what the fans want him to be again. Jericho presented a video package highlighting the man we will never see in a WWE ring again. Jericho said it wasn’t Shawn Michaels, it was Y2J (really?). The video package was highlights of the entertaining good-guy wild-and-crazy fun-loving Y2J character. Jericho said he is embarassed of who he was as a performer. Lance Cade said it’s obvious that the fans don’t appreciate Jericho, but he does. Cade claimed that Jericho “saved” him and for that he will be forever grateful. Jericho addressed Shawn Michaels and told him to stay home, hold onto his wife, raise his precious children and enjoy his life away from the wrestling business. Jericho said he has moved on, and said nobody deserves the SummerSlam title shot more than him.

???????: That British guy from “America’s Got Talent” plugged Jenny McCarthy’s fight against Autism this weekend on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Mike Adamle & Jerry Lawler + Jim Ross: Mike Adamle & Jerry “The King” Lawler were joined by SmackDown! announcer Jim Ross, who said he didn’t know why he was there but he was asked by management to be in Washington DC..

WWE Women’s champion Mickie James defeated Jillian Hall: Before the match, Mickie James gave her father (Stuart) a big hug and kiss in the front row. Then after the match, Mickie went to hug her father again, but she was assaulted from behind by Katie Lea Burchill (man she is sexy!). Katie Lea said she hopes the mysterious General Manager is watching and takes note of the NEXT WWE Women’s champion and the future Intercontinental champion (brother, Paul Burchill).

Shane McMahon & Todd Grisham: Todd Grisham kissed up to Shane McMahon and asked if he could get a scoop on who teh new General Manager was. Shane said that they were already here and told Grisham to just relax and wait a little while longer :)

Jenny McCarthy: Jenny plugged her “Generation Rescue” organization and he “fight against Autism” at this weekend’s Saturday Night’s Main Event. Plus there was a video package of a ton of celebrities supporting the cause.

John Cena & Cryme Tyme + Batista: Batista interrupted John Cena when he was chilling out with Cryme Tyme. Cena dismissed Cryme Tyme so he could talk with Batista. Batista said obviously they don’t trust each other so he warned him to stay out of his way.

John Cena & Batista defeated John Bradshaw Layfield & Kane: John Cena and Batista had some tension throughout the match but they managed to work together enough to win the match.

Shane McMahon: Shane McMahon came out to the stage right after the match to introduce the NEW General Manager – after a long pause – Shane pointed to the ring and announced…. MIKE ADAMLE! The crowd died and you could hear a pin-drop as Mike Adamle suddenly appeared in the ring and informed Batista and John Cena that they would compete against each other at SummerSlam. Way to blow a big surprise, as well as a potential first-time WrestleMania main event. Nothing good can come from this.