WWE Monday Night RAW 07 27 2009

July 27, 2009 – Washington DC
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

DARK MATCH: Jamie Noble defeated Alex Riley w/Beverly Mullins..

Jerry “The King” Lawler + Shaquille O’Neal + Chris Jericho + The Big Show + Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG): WWE Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler introduced tonight’s RAW guest host, NBA basketball legend Shaquille O’Neal! Shaq announced a Beat the Clock challenge featuring Triple H, Montel Vontavious Porter, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, and John Cena. The winner will face Randy Orton for the WWE championship at SummerSlam. Chris Jericho interrupted and protested not being included in the Beat the Clock challenge. Jericho said when he heard the most dominant player in NBA history was guest hosting RAW, he assumed it was Kobe Bryant. Shaq called Jericho “Christina” and actually kissed him! Jericho said once again he has been disrespected by the guest host of RAW. Jericho went on about being the best at what he does and demands to be catered to by everyone including guest hosts. Jericho said if Shaq continues to mock him they were going to have some problems. Shaq asked what problems? Jericho introduced Shaq to his new tag team partner, the largest athlete in the world – The Big Show! Shaq stood eye-to-eye with the Big Show. Big Show said Shaq had a better chance of hitting two free-throws in a row than he does intimidating him. Shaq called Big Show “fat boy” and plugged his new show “Shaq versus” and challenged the Big Show to a match tonight! Big Show said if he destroyed Shaq that David Stern and the entire NBA would get on his case. Big Show said he doesn’t want the NBA breathing down his neck, so he’s not going to wrestle Shaq. Jericho stepped between them and said he wasn’t going to fight Shaq either. Shaq then said he had someone who wanted to fight Big Show & Jericho, and out came SmackDown’s Cryme Tyme to stand next to Shaq.. Big Show & Jericho backed out of the ring. Shaq said during tonight’s match he would be the special outside enforcer..

Mark Henry defeated Carlito Colon in 6:49: Somebody forgot to explain the rules to Mark Henry, because he spent too much time goofing off when the point of the challenge is to win with the quickest possible time.

Mickie James & Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim defeated Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes & Alicia Fox: Jerry Lawler was announcing this match alone because Micheal Cole was sent to the back on “special assignment.” Imagine Uncle Jerry calling a match with six Divas all by himself. Gail Kim scored the pinfall after a Missile Dropkick on Alicia Fox. Beth Phoenix was not a happy camper!

Michael Cole & Shaquille O’Neal + Hornswoggle: Michael Cole was interviewing Shaquille O’Neal when Hornswoggle showed up. Shaq got on one knee and hugged Hornswoggle, before telling Cole they went to high school together. Shaq gave Hornswoggle a basketball and he went for a slam dunk on a short net but bombed and fell on his back. Cole said that was Shaqalicious!

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters ended in a Double Countout: MVP had to beat Mark Henry’s 6:49 time to advance. “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters made his official return to the WWE for this match. The one thing that doesn’t make sense about the Beat the Clock is that they never acknowledge what happens if the opponent wins. They always go under the assumption that the principal wrestler will inevitably win. If the Masterpiece won the match, shouldn’t he earn the right to move on? The finish of this match actually made perfect sense, as there is no insentive for the Masterpiece to win the match. MVP tried to get back in the ring but the Masters put him in the Masterlock as the referee counted both men out of the ring!

WWE United States champion Kofi Kingston defeated THE Brian Kendrick: Brian Kendrick came out and yelled at Jerry “The King” Lawler for embarrassing him last week. The King sat there with a grin on his face. Kendrick kept running his mouth as the bell rang and Kofi Kingston ran over and hit him with the Trouble in Paridise for a five second victory!

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Ted DiBiase Jr. attacked Triple H’s knee with a tire iron!

Triple H failed to beat the clock against Cody Rhodes: Triple H had to beat Mark Henry’s 6:49 time to advance. Triple H mounted a come-back with :30 left on the clock. Ted DiBiase showed up and HHH did not hit him cause it would be a DQ (since when?). Triple H bashed Rhodes into DiBiase and hit a Pedigree but time ran out and HHH failed to beat the clock..

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Shaquille O’Neal was destroying Santino Marella in a game of Scrabble when Cryme Tyme came in and did their “Money MoneY” schtick with Shaq. Santino turned his hat sideways and started rapping. Cryme Tyme & Shaq were not impressed.. Shaq sat down at the Scrabble table again and said “even Vince McMahon can’t beat me at this game!”

Hornswoggle defeated Chavo Guerrero (blindfolded): Ring announcer Lilian Garcia announced that “guest host” Shaquille O’Neal ruled that Chavo Guerrero must compete blind-folded. This was all comedy. Guerrero actually tried to hit a frog splash but missed by about 50 seconds. Hornswoggle hit a Tadpole Splash for the win!

Randy Orton + Jack Swagger + Mark Henry: Jack Swagger said the good news is Triple H didn’t beat the clock, but the bad news is he (Swagger) will. Orton asked if that was supposed to scare him. Swagger said since he was bigger and stronger, he (Orton) should be. Swagger walked off and Mark Henry came in and intimidated Orton by looking deep into his eyes and breathing heavy..

Evan Bourne defeated Jack Swagger: Jack Swagger had to beat Mark Henry’s 6:49 time to advance. Evan Bourne spoiled Swagger’s chances of beating the clock with an upset victory!

Josh Mathews & Triple H: Josh Mathews said that Legacy made it their personal mission to stop Triple H from recapturing the WWE championship. Triple H said all this time he has been going straight for Randy Orton, when he should be going after Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes. Triple H challenged Legacy to a handicap match next week!

John Cena defeated Mike “The Miz” Mizanin: John Cena had to beat Mark Henry’s 6:49 time to advance. The Miz did everything in his power to stall for time and stretch out the match and prevent Cena from beating the clock. It didn’t matter because Cena forced the Miz to tap out with two minutes left on the clock to earn a shot at the WWE championship. Randy Orton stepped into the ring behind Cena and raise the WWE title belt above his head, putting it on display for challenger Cena..

Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG) defeated Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & The Big Show by DQ: “Guest Host” Shaquille O’Neal appointed himself the special guest enforcer for the match. The Big Show attacked Cryme Tyme without getting tagged in and caused his team to get disqualified. The Big Show threw Cryme Tyme aside and invite Shaq into the ring! Shaq took off his referee shirt and jumped in the ring! Big Show shoved Shaq and Shaq shoved back! Big Show grabbed Shaq by the throat and Shaq grabbed Big Show by the throat! Cryme Tyme got involved and Shaq body-checked Big Show out of the ring!