WWE Monday Night RAW 08 03 2009

August 3, 2009 – Mohegan Sun Casino (Uncasville, Connecticut)
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

DARK MATCH: Jamie Noble defeated Alex Riley w/Beverly Mullins..

“Guest Host” Jeremy Piven & Dr. Ken + Mike “The Miz” Mizanin + John Cena: Dr. Ken from the movie “The Hangover” came out and introduced actor Jeremy Piven from television’s “The Entourage” and the movie “The Goods” (in theatres August 14). Piven ran back up the ramp and threw his arms in the air just as some pyro went off! Piven hyped the show, including Triple H vs. Legacy. Mike “The Miz” Mizanin interrupted and said he was an acclaimed TV star as well. Piven fired back and called the Miz “Les Miz” and said he does not have the goods. The Miz said he wanted John Cena and demanded a match TONIGHT. Cena came out immediately and said the match already happened last week and it only took two minutes. Cena plugged Piven’s movie “The Goods.” Cena said Piven has to do something to make it interesting. Piven booked Cena vs. the Miz in a Lumberjack match. Piven added that if the Miz lost tonight, he would be banned from SummerFest (Cena corrected him saying “SummerSlam”). Piven added if the Miz lost tonight he would be banned from the Staples Center. Piven added that if the Miz lost tonight that he would be banned from WWE RAW for all of eternity!

Jack Swagger defeated Evan Bourne: Evan Bourne scored an upset victory over Jack Swagger last week on RAW, so Swagger was looking for retribution tonight! HE GOT IT. After the match, Swagger punished Bourne with a couple different power moves until Montel Vontavious Porter made the save!

Jeremy Piven & The Divas + Dr. Ken + The Big Show: The Divas were surrounding Jeremy Piven until Dr. Ken came in and cramped his style. Pivan said Dr. Ken looked like a 90 year old Bruce Lee. Dr. Ken started talking smack about the Big Show until he realized that Big Show was standing right behind him. Big Show said he wanted a match with Shaquille O’Neal. Piven tried to get Big Show’s mind off of Shaq and wanted to take him to the next level. Big Show suggested a match between himself and Jeremy Piven. Piven turned it around and booked Big Show against Kofi Kingston for the WWE United States title..

MOVIE TRAILER: The Goods, starring Jeremy Piven..

Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall defeated Mickie James & Gail Kim: Gail Kim was the star of the match, until Beth Phoenix blind-tagged into the match and clobbered Kim with a forearm and her finisher!

Legacy (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr.) defeated Triple H: After the match, Triple H asked for the microphone and said “Owe! Alright that hurt. That did not go as I planned.” Triple H asked if those guys are that good? And wondered if they were too much for him. Triple H said he used to be pretty good at this gang warfare stuff, and maybe he should start another group, or maybe bring one of them back. Triple H said maybe I’ll bring back Evolution. The crowd booed. Triple H said he had a better idea, and suggested he make just one phone call – and if you’re not down with that, then I got two words for ya!

Jeremy Piven & Dr. Ken + Chavo Guerrero: Chavo Guerrero came in and said he was a big fan but kept getting him mixed up with other people. Piven said it was okay, and talked about Chavo’s problems with Hornswoggle. Piven booked Chavo in a one-on-one match against Hornswoggle using what God gave him.

Carlito Colon defeated Primo Colon:

Markswoggle (Mark Henry) defeated Chavo Guerrero: Jeremy Piven said Hornswoggle had the chickenpocks and couldn’t make it, so they found his big brother MARKSWOGGLE! They are really trying hard to turn Mark Henry into a babyface, but does anyone really care about him? After the match, Mark Henry found Hornswoggle under the ring and helped him into the ring. Henry lined up Guerrero so Hornswoggle could hit him with another Tadpole Splash! Hornswoggle danced with Mark Henry after the match.

Jeremy Piven & Dr. Ken + Randy Orton: Randy Orton came in and intimidated Jeremy Piven & Dr. Ken, so much that Dr. Ken broke character and spoke with his normal voice..

Kofi Kingston defeated The Big Show by DQ to retain the WWE United States title: The WWE Universe voted on WWE.com on who would win a fight between the Big Show and Shaquille O’Neal and Shaq won by a landslide. Jericho joined Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler on commentary and said it just proves how ignorant the WWE Universe is. In the ring, the Big Show manhandled Kofi Kingston, but was so aggressive that he got disqualified. Big Show continued to destroy Kingston after the match. Chris Jericho entered the ring and yelled at Kingston and then celebrated along side the Big Show..

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Triple H was making that one phone call, telling a friend that he has a proposition. There was a bunch of cryptic messages, and then Triple H told him to come back and wanted to know “are you ready?” Then suddenly whoever it was just hung up on him..

John Cena defeated Mike “The Miz” Mizanin: The stipulation was that if the Miz lost, he would be banned from SummerSlam, the Staples Center, and from RAW entirely. I guess he could go to SmackDown!. Before the match, Jeremy Piven came out and said he was a fan of John Cena but he was an even bigger fan of Randy Orton. Piven said he hand-picked every single lumberjack. Suddenly Dr. Ken started channelling Andy Kaufman. The Lumberjacks showed up, including Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase Jr., Cody Rhodes, Chris Masters, Carlito Colon, Jack Swagger, Chavo Guerrero – basically all the heels! Every time Cena went in for the kill, Orton would jump on the ring apron and distract him. Cena was thrown to the floor, where Chris Masters put him in the Masterlock and dumped him to the ground! The lumberjacks pushed Cena back into the ring but the Miz only got a two-count before Cena grabbed the bottom rope. Cena made a come-back, but Orton pulled the rope down and Cena flipped down to the floor. Legacy members attacked Cena while Orton shouted instructions. Orton stomped Cena in the guts repeatedly. Dr. Ken (who looks like he is the biggest wrestling fan of them all) passed his cane in to the Miz, but it backfired and Cena scored the victory despite the odds being stacked against him! Cena then looked up and saw Jeremy Piven standing on the top rope! Piven dove off and Cena caught him in mid-air! Cena started taking out the Lumberjacks by swinging Piven around. Dr. Ken whacked Cena from behind with his cane. Cena dropped Piven and went after Dr. Ken. Cena picked up Dr. Ken and threw him over the top rope onto some Lumberjacks – and Dr. Ken bumped his head on the floor a little bit. This was totally over-shadowed, but I guess this means the Miz is banned from RAW now.