BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: “Guest Host” Cedric The Entertainer arrived in a black limo with the Bella Twins. Then a parade of “friends” exited the limo; including three of his friends, a sports coach, three football players, somebody’s grandmother, a rabi performing a circumsision, and a farmer with his goat – seriously it was like a car full of clowns.
IN THE RING Degeneration-X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels): Before the match, DX hyped their upcoming Hell in a Cell match with Legacy. Triple H asked who was in the first Hell in a Cell, and Michaels answered “ME!” Triple H asked who won the first Hell in a Cell match, and Michaels answered “ME!” Michaels asked who has won the most Hell in a Cell matches, and HHH answered “ME!” Then Michaels wanted to know how many Hell in a Cell matches Triple H has won, and HHH answred “FIVE!” Michael then asked who has never competed in a Hell in a Cell and has no idea what it’s like? Triple H answered, “that would be out opponents, Cody & Ted.” Triple H said last time DX was in a Hell in a Cell match they left their opponents beaten and destroyed (which was at Unforgiven 2006 against the McMahons and the Big Show). They claimed that they actually liked Vince McMahon, so imagine what they are going to do to someone they actually hate. Triple H said this whole thing with Legacy and DX comes to an end at Hell in a Cell..
SINGLES MATCH Triple H w/Shawn Michaels defeated Cody Rhodes w/Ted DiBiase Jr. by DQ: Cody Rhodes slapped Shawn Michaels at ringside and Michaels started to chase him. Michaels got caught between Rhodes and DiBiase and was dropped on top of the announce table! DiBiase then slid into the ring and bashed Triple H with a chair, causing the disqualification! Legacy wrapped HHH’s neck in a chair and one of them climbed to the top rope, but Michaels found a sledgehammer and made the save!
IN THE RING Cedric The Entertainer + Santino Marella + Chavo Guerrero: Lilian Garcia introduced tonight’s guest host, Cedric The Entertainer. He came out with the Bella Twins, whose job lately is to whore themselves out to the guest host every week. Cedric claimed to be a REAL WWE fan. Cedric said he noticed that there are a lot of second and third generation wrestlers in the WWE. He showed pictures of Randy and Bob Orton, and Legacy members with their fathers. Cedrick also claimed the Big Show was the son of Andre The Giant and King Kong Bundy. Cendric also said Mark Henry was the illegitimate son of the Kool Aid Man. Finally announcing that the Miz was the son of a JACKASS! Santino Marella came out acting starstuck as usual, praising Cedric as one of the original King’s of Comedy. Santino hyped Cedric’s new comedy DVD, and said he wanted to be a comedian. Cedric allowed Santino to do a set, and Santino proceeded to tell bad jokes. Cedric told Santino to not do comedy any more, and stick to the wrestling. Chavo Guerrero interrupted and Cedrick said “speaking of funny people,” and made fun of Chavo for losing to a Leprecaun every week. Chavo said whenever he faces Hornswoggle, punk guest hosts like Cedric put him in no-win situations – and it’s pathetic! Cedric said the only thing pathetic around here was Chavo getting katate chopped by Bob Barker two weeks ago! Chavo challenged Cedric the Entertainer to a match (his mic broke so he grabbed Cedric’s mic and finished his speech). Cedric said he wasn’t a wrestler, and started hyping another one of his projects. Santino jumped in and accepted the challenge, saying “Fredick” will face Chavo later tonight! Santino said he would be his COACH.
BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW Josh Mathews & Mike Mizanin + Kofi Kingston: They showed clips of the Miz stealing the United States title from Kofi Kingston last week. The Miz said he only took what was going to be his anyway. The Miz said he acts like a champion more than Kofi ever has. The Miz said the United States champion should actually be from the U.S.A.. The Miz said he didn’t float over on a raft with a Bob Marley CD. Kofi Kingston attacked the Miz from behind and took back his United States championship belt..
SINGLES MATCH Mike “The Miz” Mizanin defeated Evan Bourne:
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT Randy Orton & Legacy (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr.): Randy Orton said he can see that Legacy is on the cusp of ending DX, so he was giving them the rest of the night off. Orton said he could handle the contract signing with John Cena without them..
IN THE RING (CONTRACT SIGNING) Jerry “The King” Lawler + Randy Orton + WWE champion John Cena + The Big Show & Chris Jericho + Mark Henry & Montel Vontavious Porter: Jerry Lawler reminded both men that there was a no physicallity clause in effect tonight. Lawler said Orton has to face Cena for the WWE title in Hell in a Cell or give up his right to an automatic championship rematch. Orton signed the contract and told Lawler to get out of the ring. Orton said Cena thinks he has him figured out, but he (Orton) is more dangerous than he’s ever been. Orton said Cena has never been in Hell in a Cell, and has no idea what to expect. Orton said he has been in Hell in a Cell, knows what to expect, and more importantly, knows what it takes to win. Orton said after this match, Cena will never be the same. Cena stood up and exposed Orton’s inability to do what he says by reminding everyone that he said he wouldn’t quit at Breaking Point, but he DID QUIT! Cena pretended to be intimidated and teased that he would hand Orton the WWE championship and leave, but he changed his mind and laughed in Orton’s face. Cena signed the contract, and said now it was official. Cena said if Orton doesn’t win, then he doesn’t get any more title matches. Cena said Orton will go from ruling RAW to some dude in his underwear hanging out with two other dudes in their underwear. Cena said he knows exactly what Orton is capable of, but it’s Orton who should be worried – because he has no idea what he (Cena) is capable of. Cena said when they lock the Cell he will destroy Randy Orton! Orton said he’d love to RKO Cena through the table right now, but legally he can’t do that. Orton said Cena’s arrogance has caused people to dispise him. Orton said he found a few individuals who have no problem putting Cena through hell right now! The Big Show & Christ Jericho went to the ring and beat the crap out of John Cena until Mark Henry & MVP showed up to kick the Tag Team champions out of the ring! Cedric the Entertainer came up on the big screen and booked a six-man tag team match later tonight!
NON (WWE DIVAS) TITLE MATCH Beth Phoenix defeated WWE Diva’s champion Mickie James: #1 Contender to the WWE Divas title, Alicia Fox, sat at ringside to watch the match. The match spilled out to the floor, and Mickie James took a swing as Alicia. This loss of focus allowed Phoenix to gain the advantage and pinned Mickie in the ring! After the match, Alicia grabbed the Divas title and entered the ring. Alicia destroyed Mickie with a powerful Scissors-kick! I’m surprised Alicia didn’t break her own leg!
WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH WWE United States champion Kofi Kingston defeated Jack Swagger by Countout: Midway through the match, the Miz ran down to ringside and stole the United States championship AGAIN. Jack Swagger slipped out of the ring and bashed the Miz from behind and then took the United States title with him. Kofi won the match by Countout, but Swagger has walked off with the championship belt!
COMEDY MATCH Cedric The Entertainer defeated Chavo Guerrero: Santino Marella was named the special guest referee for the match. Cedric the “Sports” Entertainer came out in one of Jerry Lawler’s old outfits and a big red cape. Chavo couldn’t help but laugh at his opponent. Cedric also put a Luchador mask on his head. Chavo took Cedric’s hat and stomped it! Cedric jumped out of the ring and crawled under the ring (could you see the switcharoo coming?). Cedric crawled out from the ring and Chavo noticed that he was now enormous! Chavo slapped the guy and ran around the ring. The bigger Cedric caught up to Chavo and gorilla pressed him in the ring. The bigger Cedric destroyed Chavo in the ring and then crawled back under the ring. Then a midget dressed as Cedric jumped out and hit Chavo with a Tadpole Splash! The original Cedric finally appeared and pinned Chavo 1-2-3 to win the match! The midget Cedric unmasked as Hornswoggle (duh), but the giant Cedric just came in and danced, I’d like to know who that was!
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT Cedric The Entertainer & Kelly Kelly + Chris Jericho: Cedric The Entertainer talked to Kelly Kelly about his victory over Chavo Guerrero. Chris Jericho came in and said they needed to talk, but Cedric said he was busy talking to Kelly right now. The Big Show showed up and Cedric agreed to talk with them..
IN THE RING Lilian Garcia: Jerry “The King” Lawler stood up and said tonight was the last night for one of the Divas, as announced that Lilian Garcia would be leaving the WWE. Lilian Garcia fought back tears as she talked about her 10 years with the WWE. Lilian talked about traveling around the world and singing the national anthem everywhere, including in front of the armed forces in Afghanistan and Iraq. Lilian praised the WWE, the crew, and the best athletes in the world – the WWE SUperstars. Lilian said it was an honor to announce some of the greatest matches in WWE history. Lilian said the biggest honor was to entertain the WWE fans, and said she would miss them very much. Lilian said he heart would always be in the ring. Editor’s Note: Thank You, Lilian. Good luck to you as you enter the next stage of your life..
SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & The Big Show defeated John Cena & Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry: Before the match, Jericho & Big Show revealed that they convinced Cedric the Entertainer to raise the stakes. They said if they lose tonight, then Orton has to face Mark Henry, MVP, and John Cena in a gauntlet next week. Orton was upset about that. Big Show added that if they win tonight, then Cena will have to face the three of them in a gauntlet next week.