WWE Monday Night RAW 11 23 2009

November 23, 2009 – Hershey, Pennsylvania
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

DARK MATCH: Yoshi Tatsu defeated William Regal ..

Randy Orton “RAW guest host” Jesse Ventura: Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduced tonight’ guest host, Jesse Ventura, but former WWE champion Randy Orton came out instead.. Randy Orton said normally the RAW guest host comes out and eventually gets interrupted but he doesn’t care about that. Orton said his dad (Cowboy Bob) told him that Jesse Ventura was a revolutionary who speaks his mind and does what he wants – but he wanted Ventura to prove it. Orton said he wanted Ventura to lift the ban and give him a shot at the WWE championship. Jesse “The Body” Ventura came out practically gimmicked from head to toe. Ventura said he wasn’t dressed like the Governor tonight, he’s dressed like pro-wrestling! Ventura said he was in charge, so what he says goes tonight! Orton said he respects Randy Orton, and likes his styles, adding that Randy reminds him of himself. Ventura said he was independent and he was the Governor that stands for revolution and demands revolution! Ventura said he would bring something completely new to the WWE tonight. Ventura said Orton would not get a title shot tonight. Ventura complained that the same people keep getting the shots at the title. Ventura said it won’t be Orton, Big Show, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, or Chris Jericho! Ventura said there would be a series of matches involving wrestlers who have never been World champion. The winners of these matches will be entered in a Breakthrough Battle Royal and the winner of that will be the new number one contender! Orton said Jesse was making a very big mistake. Ventura also booked John Cena vs. C.M. Punk and the Hart Dynasty vs. Degeneration-X.

Kofi Kingston (RAW) defeated Dolph Ziggler (SmackDown!): They announced that the qualifying matches would involved wrestlers from RAW and SmackDown!. The winner of the battle royal would become number one contender for their brands World championship.

Mike “The Miz” Mizanin: The Miz said he was thankful for the love the fans show him every Monday for being the only RAW wrestler to win at Bragging Rights, for his team winning at Survivor Series, and for being the most dominant Intercontinental champion of all-time! The Miz said the people should be thankful for the privledge of watching him.

Sheamus (RAW) defeated Fit Finlay (SmackDown!): After the match, Sheamus continued to assault Finlay, and knocked him over the safety barried with a Big Boot!

SmackDown! General Manager Theodore Long & Vickie Guerrero & Eric Escobar: Theodore Long began to talk about what he was thankful for, but Vickie Guerrero interrupted and said Long is thankful that she is his consultant on SmackDown!. Vickie asked Long to pass the potatoes, as she was busy flirting with Eric Escobar. Long was about to dump the potatoes all over Vickie, but Escobar took the bowl away from him. Escobar dipped his finger in the mashed potatoes and put it in Vickie’s mouth.

Jesse “The Body” Ventura & Randy Orton: Randy Orton said he wanted into the Breakthrough Battle Royal, and claimed there was a conspiracy theory to keep him away from the WWE championship. Jesse Ventura said he knows all about conspiracy theories, and plugged his new TV show, “Conspiracy Theories.” Ventura said knowing the boss of the WWE and how it is run, there is no doubt that Orton is the victim of a conspiracy theory. Orton said it was criminal for a guy like Kofi Kingston to get a shot at the title before him. Ventura said it was already done, and he can’t go back on his word. Ventura said he likes how Orton retires the old guys who should have retired a long time ago. Ventura told Orton to keep retiring guys, but don’t ask him to break the rules.

IN THE RING: C.M. Punk took the chance to preach to a brand new audience. Punk said he was thankful for being straight edge, and that it makes him different. Punk said he does not abuse his body, and straight edge means he’s better than YOU. Punk said Thanksgiving’s biggest vice is Gluttony, and imagined the people eating too much and then reaching into the medicine cabinit for a pill to make them feel better. Punk said after they take the pill, they will still go out and have dessert! Punk said tonight he faces a Turkey named John Cena, and told Cena “through these sober eyes, I CAN SEE YOU!”

WWE champion John Cena defeated C.M. Punk:

Jesse “The Body” Ventura & Vince McMahon: Vince McMahon greeted Jesse Ventura and said if he was going to challenge him to a match, the answer was NO – because there is better competition. Ventura said he wasn’t going to challenge McMahon to a match. Ventura said when he was a wrestler, Vince was just an announcer. Ventura said he wasn’t there to wrestle Vince, he was there to get Vince below the belt – not physically but mentally. Vince suggested a guest spot on Conspiracy Theory. Ventura said he’s sure there are a lot of conspiracy theories in the WWE with Vince in charge. McMahon bragged about being a billionaire, but Ventura said he was in charge of a $32 billion budget while he was Governor of Minnesota. Ventura said he was one of the only people in the building that remembers that Vince’s father didn’t believe in him. Ventura said that is why he made Vince Jr. an announcer, and that’s why they were going back to the announce booth, just like the old days on Saturday Night’s Main Event. Ventura gave Vince his old tuxedo and red bow tie and told him to go get ready.

Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry & R-Truth defeated Jack Swagger & Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters:

DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels): Triple H asked Shawn Michaels what was up with the kick last night. Michaels defended himself and apologized to HHH, saying HHH was going to Pedigree him anyway! HHH said Michaels kicked him three times last night! Michaels claimed he was aiming for Cena. Suddenly a “little person” in a suit showed up and served DX with a document that said Hornswoggle was sueing them! DX has to appear in “Little People’s Court” next week!

Randy Orton defeated Evan Bourne: Randy Orton attacked Primo Colon before the match and declared that he was in the match now! Jesse Ventura came up on the big screen and said rules are meant to be broken, so if Orton can beat Evan Bourne he will be entered in the Battle Royal. Ventura said Orton’s persistence paid off, and he likes his style. Randy Orton made short work of Evan Bourne and won the match easily!

MOVIE TRAILER: The Marine 2, starring Ted DiBiase Jr.

The Indians (Melina Perez & Kelly Kelly & Mickie James) defeated The Pilgrims (Michelle McCool & Layla El & Jillian Hall): Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduced the special guest time-keeper, 19 years after making his debut at Survivor Series 1990, the Gobbledy Gooker! The Pilgrims came out and were not happy about being forced to do stupid things. The Indians came out looking extra hot in their Native American gear. They played Tatanka’s old music for their entrance theme. Jerry Lawler said it wasn’t politically correct to call them “Indians” but guest host Jesse Ventura has never been politically correct! After the match, Jerry Lawler tried to interview WWE Diva’s champion Melina, but she was viciously attacked by the Gobbledy Gooker, who ended up being Maryse Ouellet! Maryse stripped off the Gooker costume and showed off her unbelievably sexy Canadian body! It was funny, but strangely arrousing, because she had problems getting the bottom half of her costume off..

DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) defeated The Hart Dynasty (David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd w/Natalya Neidhart): After the match, Chris Jericho interrupted the DX celebration.

Chris Jericho + DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels): Chris Jericho announced that in three weeks DX would face him and Big Show for the Undisputed (he meant Unified) Tag Team titles. Triple H said Big Show wasn’t there because they were in Hershey and he was over at the chocolate factory. Jericho said it was all jokes to DX, but they weren’t funny. Michaels said what Jesse Ventura didn’t tell Jericho was that the PPV was had a TLC theme and the match would be fought under TLC rules! Jericho got furious and said it wasn’t about catch phrases, glow sticks, sweat bands, fart jokes, or little people – it was about the Tag team championships. Jericho pointed out that DX has never been the tag team champions.

SmackDown!’s Batista + SmackDown!’s Kane: Batista said Rey Mysterio won’t be joining us tonight, because he was spending his Thanksgiving in a hospital bed. Batista said Mysterio has no one to blame but himself. Batista talked about Mysterio stabbing him in the back last month and costing him the World Heavyweight title. Batista said he was angry, but gave Rey the chance to walk away. Batista said Rey decided to be a tough guy and chose to embarrass him. Batista said last night at Survivor Series, he chose to power-bomb Rey until the EMT’s had to scrap him off the chair. Batista said NO ONE disrespects him! Batista put everyone on notice, saying someone from RAW better win the Breakthrough Battle Royal, because if someone from SmackDown! wins then he will destroy them. Batista said the Undertaker belonged to HIM! Suddenly, Kane interrupted and said he wanted to see what Batista was going to do about it. Kane begged Batista to make an example out of him. Batista slowly backed off with a grin on his face and left the ring. Batista walked away, while Kane made pyro blow out of all four ring posts!

Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes) defeated Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG):

Gail Kim & Alicia Fox + Santino Marella + The Bella Twins + Eve Torres + Vickie Guerrero: Gail Kim was about to say what she was thankful for, but Alicia interrupted her. Alicia said she was thankful that she wasn’t the first Diva pinned at the Survivor Series. The two Divas were about to throw pies when Santino Marella got between them. Santino said that the girls had it easy, and had the honor of preparing meals for their boyfriends. Santino said he would love for all the WWE Divas to unite in a kitchen somewhere and prepare his Thanksgiving dinner. Alicia and Gail Kim splattered their pies all over Santino! The Bella Twins came in and consoled Santino, but then they hit him with pies too! Eve came in to help Santino, but he once again put his foot in his mouth so he got pied by Eve! Vickie Guerrero showed up next, but Santino threw his arms up in the air and Vickie ended up with the pie in her own face!

Sheamus defeated Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase Jr. and Cody Rhodes and Montel Vontavious Porter and Mark Henry and R-Truth: Jesse “The Body” Ventura & Vince McMahon took over on commentary for this match. McMahon came out wearing his old black tuxedo with red bowtie. He made the best of it and seemed like he was having a good time, until Ventura insulted his “moron” hair. Ventura asked Vince how it felt to be back on the air, and Vince said it was a rotten idea. All three members of Legacy immediately went after Kofi Kingston. Eventually Randy Orton bailed out of the ring and stood on the floor watching the action. R-Truth was the first man eliminated from the match. Orton jumped in and went after Kingston again. Sheamus eliminated MVP by throwing him over the top rope! Mark Henry eliminated both members of Legacy! Sheamus eliminated Mark Henry! Sheamus watched Orton square off with Kingston. Orton dumped Kingston, who skinned the cat, and flipped Orton over the top to eliminate him! Sheamus then jumped in and clotheslined Kingston over the top rope to win the Breakthrough Battle Royal!

Jesse “The Body” Ventura & Sheamus + WWE champion John Cena: Jesse Ventura said Sheamus was the winner of the Breakthrough Battle Royal, and will recieve a title match! Ventura called out WWE champion John Cena for a contract signing. Cena sat down in the chair and smiled, but avoided making eye contact with Sheamus. Sheamus demanded that Cena stand up and face him (take him seriously). Cena said Sheamus crippled a harmless announcer, or retired a man half his size, what’s next are you gonna beat up Michael Cole or a camera-man? Cena said for 8 years he has hung with the best in the land is proud to stand there a champion! Cena said it wasn’t because he preys on the weak, it’s because it was his passion. Cena said if Sheamus wants serious he will get serious! Cena got so fired up for no reason. Sheamus hadn’t even done anything yet. Cena said if Sheamus signs the paper he better be ready to make a statement. Sheamus said he retires people because he can, he beats up Hall of Famers because he can… but that was nothing compared to what he’s gonna do to CENA! Cena took off his shirt and threw it into the crowd. Sheamus signed the contract. Cena signed the contract. Jesse Ventura said it was official, but he thinks there is a conspiracy to keep Cena champion. Ventura said Cena has the look, he does commercials, he does movies, he is the perfect little champion. Ventura said when he was a wrestler he didn’t get a title shot because he was a revolutionary. They don’t want that as a champion, they want someone that goes with the flow, like John Cena. Ventura complained that he never got a shot at the title. Cena put down his belt and confronted Ventura. Cena took his eyes off Sheamus for two seconds, and Sheamus knocked him out with a Big Boot to the face! Sheamus then Power-slammed Cena through the desk! Jesse Ventura announced that the match at the TLC PPV would be a Tables match for the WWE Championship!