November 30, 2009 – Baltimore, Maryland
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
DARK MATCH: Chris Masters defeated Chavo Guerrero with The Masterlock..
IN THE RING
Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & The Big Show + DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels): Chris Jericho said they needed to wake up the fans from their ignorant bliss of believing that DX is the greatest tag team of all-time. Jericho said they would deal with the facts, and expose DX right now. Fact #1: he and Big Show have been tag team champions for four months, while DX has never been the tag team champions. (Big Show) Fact #2: DX are frauds. They have lots of merchandise, but it will become useless garbage. (Big Show) Fact #3: Over 42 championships between Big Show & Jericho. He also points out that he is the only man to hold the WCW, WWE, and ECW titles. (Jericho) Fact #4: DX has never been in a TLC match. DX finally came out and said they forgot the fact that they are boring everybody to death. Triple H said it didn’t matter that they never won tag team titles, and proceeded to put DX over and talked about the DX army. Shawn Michaels said in two weeks DX will make history again by being in their first TLC match, and becoming the Unified Tag Team champions for the first time. Michaels said there was an added bonus. Triple H explained that when they win at TLC, they not only become Tag Team champions, but they get rid of Chris Jericho from RAW! Jericho said without him, RAW is nothing, and the ratings go in the toilet. Jericho said he knows it drives DX crazy that they have never been champions. Triple H challenged Jericho to a match tonight. Big Show accepted, but if Jericho loses he faces DX in a Handicap match, and if Triple H loses then he faces Jerishow in a Handicap match. Jericho finished by saying “I’m NEVER leaving RAW!”
Josh Mathews & Maryse Ouellet & Jillian Hall: Josh Mathews asked Maryse why she dressed up as the Gobbledy Gooker and attacked Mickie James last week. Maryse said she merely provided the trojan horse, while Mickie ended up looking like a turkey. Good line.
IN THE RING
#1 Contender Sheamus: They pointed out that all Sheamus has to do to win the WWE title is put John Cena through a table, and he proved last week that he could do it! Sheamus said John Cena asked him why he should take him seriously, and last week he gave him an answer when he put him through a table. Sheamus said he didn’t have to pin Cena, or make him submit, all he has to do is put him through a table and he’s already done it once. Sheamus said when he does it at TLC, he will become the NEW WWE champion! Sheamus said THEN John Cena will take him seriously. Santino Marella came out for their scheduled match..
Sheamus destroyed Santino Marella: Santino got on the microphone and started cutting a hilarious promo on Sheamus, which only angered Sheamus and caused him to destroy him in a brutal assault.. Sheamus knocked Santino senseless with a Razor’s Edge. Sheamus pulled a table out and set it up in the corner of the ring. Sheamus then picked Santino up and gave him a running Spine-buster through the table! The match didn’t even get started!
Chrsi Jericho & The Big Show + Verne Troyer: Chris Jericho & The Big Show were walking backstage when they bumped into “RAW guest host” Verne Troyer (on his cell). Troyer stopped an greeted Big Show with a handshake, but totally ignored Jericho. Jericho said it was a big joke that all the guest hosts disrespect him, and walked off.
“RAW guest host” Verne Troyer + WWE United States champion Mike “The Miz” Mizanin + Mark Henry: Verne Troyer was introduced and he sat on a stool about three feet above the stage. Troyer said when he saw his friend Seth Green host RAW it looked like he had a great time, so he wanted to try it himself. Troyer said he had fun when he went to SummerSlam, and everyone with the WWE was great except for one guy, who was an obnoxious, annoying, inconsiderate, jerk – and that was the Miz! Mike Mizanin came out to the stage and said he doesn’t remember seeing Verne at the party. The Miz said if Verne thought he was annoying and inconsiderate, he wanted to apologize by offering him “one million dollars.” Of course this was all done sarcastically. The Miz said Troyer could be his side-kick and call him “Mini Miz.” Troyer said he would imitate the Miz, but he hasn’t done any movies. Troyer said he was a bigger star than the Miz, and he’s better with the ladies. The Miz threatened to kick Troyer off the stage into the ring, but Mark Henry came out and prevented that from happening. The Miz called him Phat Bastard (a character from Austin Powers). The Miz said Henry doesn’t have a personality, and is about as boring as ‘this half of a human being’ hosting this show. The Miz said the only thing that anyone will remember is that he’s the Miz, and he’s AWESOME! Troyer said he wanted to slap the grin off the Miz’s face, but he had somebody else in mind. Troyer booked the Miz against Mark Henry..
Randy Orton defeated Kofi Kingston: Kofi Kingston was ambushed by Cody Rhodes before the match. A busted up Kingston pulled himself into the ring and told the referee he still wanted the match. Randy Orton’s music played, but Ted DiBiase jr. snuck in from behind and clipped Kingston’s knee! Kingston still wanted to fight, so Randy Orton slithered out to the ring to face a broken Kofi. Orton methodically worked on Kingston, who briefly fought back, but Orton took him out with an RKO to pick up a tainted victory! After the match, Orton picked up Kingston and give him a hanging DDT!
“RAW guest host” Verne Troyer & Montel Vontavious Porter + Mark Henry + Jillian Hall: MVP was playing the SD! vs. RAW video game with Verne Troyer, when Mark Henry came in looking all depressed. Jillian Hall came in and said it was because Henry has no personality, but she is bursting with it! Jillian said she wanted to sing a song tonight. Henry tried to warn Troyer, but he perked up and asked “what song?” Jillian wanted to sing a Beyonce song. MVP suggested Henry prove that he has a personality by dancing while Jillian sang. Jillian started singing, and Henry started dancing, but he tripped and fell right on Jillian – knocking her out. MVP & Henry got up and left to go to the ring. Troyer remarked, “hey guys, I think she’s dead!” before going back to playing his video games.
PARKING LOT: WWE champoon John Cena arrived and headed straight to the ring..
IN THE RING
WWE champion John Cena + Carlito Colon (return!): John Cena said last week Sheamus put him through a table to make a statement and said he would be the NEW WWE champion. Cena said he hasn’t won anything yet, and HE is still the WWE champion. Cena said even if Sheamus does beat him, he is entitled to a rematch. Cena said if he needs that rematch, he will use it at the TLC PPV. Cena said no more waiting, no more talking, tonight WE GO TO WAR! Cena said tonight it was his turn to make a statement! Cena said it would be Sheamus vs. Cena for the WWE championship TONIGHT!! Carlito came out instead, and claimed the whole WWE locker room was hoping Sheamus wins the WWE title because everybody is tired of John Cena hogging the spotlight. Carlito wanted to know where his spotlight was? Carlito said Sheamus will do what everybody wants to do, put Cena through a table and become WWE champion. Carlito said Cena might represent the people, but Sheamus represents us (the wrestlers). Carlito said Cena’s reign over the WWE is OVER! Cena got serious and said Carlito picked the wrong guy, on the wrong night. Cena said if Carlito doesn’t like him then step up. Cena challenged Carlito to make one move if he wants to take him down. Carlito bit into his apple, but Cena punched him in the face and gave him an Attitude Adjustment! Cena tossed Carlito over the top rope! Suddenly, Sheamus walked out to the stage and Cena screamed for him to come to the ring and fight! Sheamus backed off, I guess realizing that there is more money to be made wrestling for the WWE championship on Pay Per View.
“RAW guest host” Verne Troyer + Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry: Verne Troyer pumped up the crowd and introduced MVP & Mark Henry. MVP gave Mark a better intro, and he then did a really craptacular rap for the crowd. Who the heck thought that was a good idea?
NON (WWE UNITED STATES) TITLE MATCH
Mark Henry defeated WWE United States champion Mike “The Miz” Mizanin: Verne Troyer stayed on the stage and watched the match, hoping to see Mark Henry teach the Miz a lesson. Michael Cole said the victory should put Mark Henry in the United States title hunt.. After the match, Verne Troyer said to bring out the ladies! Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, and the Bella Twins came out and danced like whores around Verne & Mark Henry.
DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) + Hornswoggle + Verne Troyer: Triple H said he had a dream that they were summoned to Little People’s Court, and Shawn Michaels said he had the same dream. Hornswoggle showed up and mumbled a bunch of stuff, while the translation came up on the screen. Hornswoggle said DX has ignore him long enough, and he is terribly disappointed. Michaels said Hornswoggle has nothing on them, and walked away with Triple H. Verne Troyer came in on his electric chair and told Hornswoggle to sue DX for everything they’ve got..
SINGLES GRUDGE MATCH
Triple H w/Shawn Michaels defeated Chris Jericho: Chris Jericho came out alone. Triple H came out with Shawn Michaels, who joined Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler on commentary. A few minutes into the match, the Big Show’s music played and he walked down to ringside and also joined commentary. While Triple H battled Jericho in the ring, Michaels verbally battled Big Show on commentary. The Big Show got up and punched Triple H and knocked him out. The referee was busy ejecting the Big Show from ringside, when Shawn Michaels snuck in the other side and super-kicked Chris Jericho! The referee turned around and saw Michaels in the ring, and immediately ejected HIM from ringside as well! Jericho and HHH were unconcious in the ring, as the referee began to count them down. Both men got up by a nine-count. Triple H countered the Code-breaker, but Jericho countered the Pedigree. Jericho bounced off the ropes and HHH rolled him up for the 1-2-3 to win the match! As stipulated, Chris Jericho must face both members of DX next week on RAW!