WWE Monday Night RAW 12 14 2009

December 14, 2009 – Corpus Christi, Texas
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler & Matt Striker

ON STAGE: RAW guest host Dennis Miller was introduced and he came out and did a series of smart jokes that did not get over with the Texas crowd. Miller then plugged USAcares.org before introducing the first presenters, R-Truth & Jillian Hall.

R-Truth & Jillian Hall + [THE WINNER IS?]: Jillian Hall came out and started singing “Whoop! There it is!” by the group known as Tag Team. R-Truth said he would change the name of his song from “What’s Up?” to “Shut up!” The nominees were 1) DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels), 2) Legacy (Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes), 3) The Hart Dynasty (David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd), and 4) Chris Jericho & The Big Show. And the Slammy goes to….. Chris Jericho & The Big Show! Even though they lost the Unified Tag Team titles last night to DX. Jerishow came out looking not as confident as they normally do. Jericho said he and Big Show were the best tag team of this year and any other year. Jericho thanked the long forgotten Edge for getting hurt and reliquishing his half of the championship. Jericho also thanked himself for picking the Big Show to be Edge’s replacement. Big Show said he and Jericho will regain their championships in the very near future. Jericho revolked his rematch clause to face DX for the tag team championships TONIGHT! Jericho said they will prove why they are the best tag team of all time…

HIGHLIGHTS: Sheamus beating John Cena at TLC..

William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson + Christian: William Regal came out with his monsters, Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson, seemingly on the same page. Regal challenged ECW champion Christian to find two tag team partners to face the three of them. Christian limped down to ringside selling his injuries from the Ladder match at TLC. Christian said he found two monsters of his own, and brought out Kane & The Great Khali!

Christian & Kane & The Great Khali defeated William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson: Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov failed to get along, and it ended up costing their team the match..

ON STAGE: RAW guest host Dennis Miller came out telling more weird jokes that got no reaction for some reason. Miller introduced the next presenters, ECW General Manager Tiffany & SmackDown! General Manager Theodore Long..

Theodore Long & Tiffany + [THE WINNER IS?]: The nominees were; 1) Drew McIntyre, 2) Sheamus, 3) Yoshi Tatsu, and 4) Abraham Washington (what?). Tiffany said, and the winner is….. the NEW WWE Champion, Sheamus! Sheamus came out wearing his newly won WWE championship and accepted the Slammy. Sheamus said “I suppose you people take me seriously now?” Sheamus asked John Cena if he takes him seriously now, and wondered if he still thinks he’ll be a footnote in WWE history. Sheamus said Roddy Piper, Paul Orndorff, Curt Hennig, and Ricky Steamboat are all WWE Hall of Famers, but none of them did what he was able to do last night. Sheamus said that makes him better than all of them. Sheamus said it makes him the breakout star of the year, and it makes him the WWE champion! Sheamus proclaimed that Cena was never getting it back!

Kofi Kingston defeated Legacy member Cody Rhodes by DQ: The match lasted less than a minute before Ted DiBiase interfered. Legacy double-teamed Kingston until Evan Bourne made the save! Dennis Miller came out and turned the match into a tag team contest!

Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes) defeated Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne: Cody Rhodes finished off Evan Bourne with a vicious Crossroads finisher..

ON STAGE: Dennis Miller apologized for his opening monologue, saying nobody told him all he had to do was yell SUCK IT to be a genius. SO TRUE. Miller introduced the next presenters, Santino Marella & Vickie Guerrero..

Santino Marella & Vickie Guerrero + [THE WINNER IS?]: Vickie Guerrero did her “excuse me!” gimmick and got an insane amount of heat as usual (which baffles me to no end). The nominees were; 1) Randy Orton sinks to a new low [DDT on Stephanie McMahon and seals it with a kiss], 2) The Animal unleashes on his best friend [Batista turns on Rey Mysterio], 3) C.M. Punk retires Jeff Hardy, and 4) Sheamus shows Mark Cuban table manners (last week). And the winner is… C.M. Punk retires Jeff Hardy! C.M. Punk came out and accepted the Slammy, and then went to the ring to deliver a speech.

C.M. Punk: C.M. Punk said he wanted to thank some people, but the fans in Corpus Christi wouldn’t be respectful enough to quiet down and listen. Punk began by thanking himself, and listed his accomplishments throught 2009. Punk said his crowning achievement this year was getting rid of Jeff Hardy. Punk said it only makes sense for him to go on tonight and claim the Superstar of the Year award.

John Cena defeated C.M. Punk by submission: John Cena forced C.M. Punk to submit in a surprisingly short match!

John Cena: After the match, John Cena congratulated Sheamus for being the NEW WWE champion. Cena apologized to anybody he might have let down last night. Cena said it was hard to understand, but sometimes you try so hard at something and still fail. Cena said every time you fail, it’s painful, and it causes sadness and disappointment. Cena said a man’s character is not judged by how he celebrates a victory, but what he does when his back is against the wall. Cena said nobody how severe the failure, you never give up. Cena got fired up and said that was what he believed! Cena said some might have lost faith in him last night, and he respects their decision to do so (pointing at one heckler in the front row). Cena said he is speaking to the ones who still proudly stand in his corner. Cena said the WWE was all he’s got, so he’s going to spend more time in the gym and what happened at TLC will never happen again. John Cena proclaimed that his road to WrestleMania starts right now! Cena said he can’t be stopped! Cena said “I will not lose another match until I once again become WWE champion!”

ON STAGE: Dennis Miller talked about Tribute to the Troops. Miller announced the next presenter, Triple H!

Triple H + [THE WINNER IS?]: Triple H came out alone wearing his DX gear, and noticed that the DX army was there. Triple H said DX would defend their tag team championships tonight. The nominees were; 1) Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker [WrestleMania 25], 2) John Cena vs. Randy Orton in an I Quit match [Breaking Point], 3) Jeff Hardy vs. Edge in a Ladder match [Extreme Rules], and 4) RAW vs. SmackDown! [Bragging Rights]. Triple H gladly announced his buddy Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker as the winner! Shawn Michaels came out and accepted the award. Where’s the Undertaker? Afterall, he did WIN the match. Triple H said if you haven’t seen the match, you have to go out and buy the DVD and see it. Shawn Michaels said he won the same award last year for wrestling Ric Flair at WrestleMania 24. Michaels said this year he came up short and did not break the Undertaker’s streak, but he is proud of what he and the Undertaker accomplished that night. Michaels hesitated as the fans chanted “HBK! HBK!” Michaels came back said “you know something Undertaker… I CAN BEAT YOU!” Michaels added that he knows it, and more importantly Undertaker knows it. Michaels challenged the Undertaker to a rematch at WrestleMania 26!!!

Randy Orton defeated The Undertaker by Countout: Midway through the match, Legacy members Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes came to ringside and distracted the Undertaker long enough for Orton to RKO him on the floor! Orton beat the 10-count and won the match via countout! After the match, Legacy jumped in and double-teamed the Undertaker, who recovered and pushed them over the top rope! Undertaker then gave Orton a choke-slam in the middle of the ring!

ON STAGE: Dennis Miller came out and said Vince McMahon gave him some comedy notes, and then introduced the “Chairman” Mr. McMahon.

Vince McMahon + [THE WINNER IS?]: Vince McMahon talked about his video to have a guest host every week on RAW, and said some of them have been better than others. Dennis Miller started cracking up, basically accepting that he has sucked. McMahon asked what was wrong with the fans, suggesting they passed away before the show went on the air. McMahon proclaimed, “what a lousy audience!” The nominees were; 1) Bob Barker, 2) Seth Green, 3) Shaquille O’Neal, and 4) Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne. Vince announced, and the winner IS…… BOB BARKER! They showed a pre-tape video of Bob Barker accepting his Slammy for “Best RAW Host of the Year.” Barker also thanked the WWE for selling many copies of his book “Pricless Memories.”

Vince McMahon & Dennis Miller: Vince McMahon asked Dennis Miller who he wanted to see guest host a future episode of RAW? Dennis Miller said he wanted to see Bret “The Hitman” Hart. McMahon said last time Bret was in the WWE he was getting screwed, so he doesn’t think that will happen. Miller pushed the issue, and McMahon walked off the stage.

Dennis Miller & Chris Jericho: Chris Jericho interrupted Dennis Miller on his cell, and kissed up to him hoping that he would do something no other guest host has done and show him some respect. Miller went on a rant about Jericho thinking the world revolves around himself. Miller added that Jericho was a black hole that sucks the energy out of the show. Miller said he is keeping the match tonight because he wants Jericho off of RAW.. Editor’s Note: This was a terrible segment.

Jerishow (Chris Jericho & The Big Show) defeated Unified Tag Team champions DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) by DQ: Just as the match began, Shawn Michaels got on his hands and knees behind the referee and Triple H shoved him down. The referee disqualified DX, and they pretended like it wasn’t all done on purpose. Chris Jericho looked like he was about to blow his top. Triple H pointed out that that was Chris Jericho’s only rematch in his rematch clause, which means he gets no more shots. Shawn Michaels added that Jericho isn’t allowed in a RAW ring so as of this moment he is trespassing. Triple H called out a bunch of DX soldiers (mostly guys from ECW & SD!) to help escort Chris Jericho from the building. Shawn Michaels super-kicked Jericho and he was dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the building.. Editor’s Note: Unfortunately, it made zero sense that Jericho was ejected by ECW & SD! wrestlers, who by basic logic, shouldn’t be allowed on RAW either.

Carlito Colon & Chris Masters & Eve Torres + [THE WINNER IS?]: Chris Masters came out and took his shirt off, and did his pec-dancing gimmick while Carlito was talking. Carlito said he could do that too, but wondered if Eve could do it. Eve said Carlito will never find out. The nominees were; 1) Kofi Kingston’s Boom-drop on Randy Orton in Madison Square Garden, 2) the Big Show lights up John Cena at Backlash, 3) Jeff Hardy’s death-defying dive off a ladder at SummerSlam, and 4) Triple H invading Randy Orton’s home…. And the Slammy goes to, Jeff Hardy! Matt Hardy accepted the award on behalf of his little brother. Wow, Jeff is still getting over more than Matt even when he isn’t employed by the WWE. Carlito interrupted and knocked Matt down, and then accepted the award on behalf of himself. Carlito delivered his acceptance speech and thanked himself. Chris Masters suddenly put Carlito in the Masterlock and then fed him to Matt Hardy. Hardy and Masters shook hands, while Eve passed the Slammy back to Matt to give to Jeff.

Mark Henry (RAW) & John Morrison (SD!) & Yoshi Tatsu (ECW) defeated Mike Mizanin (RAW) & Drew McIntyre (SD!) & Zack Ryder (ECW):

Mickie James & Melina Perez & Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim & Maria Kanellis & Nikki Bella & Brie Bella defeated Michelle McCool & Layla El & Beth Phoenix & Maryse Ouellet & Natalya Neidhart & Rosa Mendes & Alicia Fox:

Montel Vontavious Porter & Goldust + [THE WINNER IS?] + Batista: Goldust said he’s been known to be somewhat of a Diva, and suggested maybe he just take the Slammy. Goldust did a bad PMS joke and walked off in embarrassment. MVP made the surprising announcement that Maria had won the WWE.com fan voting to be awarded the Slammy for “Diva of the Year!” Everyone looked pretty shocked, including Maria! This is why fans shouldn’t vote. Batista interrupted Maria’s acceptance speech wearing a pink shirt (this was a spoof on Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift at the VMA’s). Batista cut a promo about the Screwjob of the Year Award, which he claimed he would win because he was robbed at TLC. Some police officers came out and escorted Batista off the stage..

ON STAGE: Dennis Miller told another smart joke and got no reaction, and then introduced Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson.

Abraham Washington & Tony Atlas & Big Dick Johnson + [THE WINNER IS?]: Abraham Washington was appauled by Big Dick Johnson, but Tony Atlas seemed to get an enormous kick out of the greasy over-weight stripper. Johnson acted goofy, but when it was his turn to talk he actually had a very dramatic tone. The nominees were; 1) Chris Masters’ dancing pecs, 2) Shawn Michaels shows why the customer is always wrong, 3) Vingate Michael Cole throwing up at the SmackDown! Anniversary Show, and 4) Santino’s Thanksgiving (getting pied by all the Divas)…. . . And the Slammy goes to, Michael Cole vomits! Michael Cole burst out of his seat at the announce table, and sprinted up to the stage to accept his award.

ON STAGE: Dennis Miller said after seeing Big Dick Johnson he has to go take his eyes out with a power-drill. Miller ran down to the audience and gave some kid the “Oh My Moment of the Year” award envelope. Miller once again plugged USAcares.org and thanked the fans for being nice to him tonight!

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: DX plugging some WWEshop.com Christmas merchandise.. Hornswoggle showed up and gave both of them gift cards from WWEShop.com.. They chased Hornswoggle around for some slapstick comedy..

John Cena defeated Randy Orton: John Cena claims the Slammy for the Superstar of the Year! John Cena vows to not lose another match until he wins back the WWE championship.. After the match, WWE champion Sheamus came out to the stage and taunted John Cena with the WWE championship belt!