WWE RAW – January 16, 2012 – Anaheim, California
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
REVIEWED BY BRAD DYKENS
IN THE RING
Mick Foley + Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler + C.M. Punk + “Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the Interim General Manager of RAW” John Laurinaitis: Mick did a cheap pop and then talked about coming back to WWE to play a nostalgic role. Mick said he lived out all of his dreams in the ring for WWE, including headlining WrestleMania in this building with his two kids watching. Mick said he has one more dream, for Mickey & Huey to see him in a WWE ring one more time. Mick announced that he would be in the Royal Rumble this year! Vickie Guerrero came out and introduced the “next WWE champion” Dolph Ziggler. Vickie & Dolph went to the ring where Dolph confronted Foley. Dolph said there were only 30 precious spots in the Rumble and Foley wants to just SHOW UP and take one of the spots from a WWE Superstar. Dolph made fun of Foley’s chances, saying he would be thrown out in a few seconds. Foley said that was one of the elements of the Rumble that he loves. Foley talked about the magic in the air at Royal Rumble. Foley said he wasn’t in it just to be a participant, he’s in it to WIN IT! Dolph said he works all year long to prove himself to be in the Royal Rumble. Dolph said it would be a disappointment if he won the WWE championship and then had to face Mick Foley at WrestleMania. Dolph said Mick was there to make a fool out of himself one more time and he succeeded. Dolph said “It’s over, go home!” C.M. Punk interrupted and also pulled a cheap pop. Dolph said Punk & Foley get their clothes from the same homeless person on the street. Punk said he and Foley don’t look, talk, and try to fit the mold of every WWE Superstar – nor do they hide behind a woman. Punk said everything he and Foley got in wrestling they earned, unlike Dolph, who has a guest referee in his pocket at Royal Rumble. Punk said even with John Laurinaitis as referee he will still be the WWE champion after the PPV – because he’s the best wrestler in the world. Punk said it would be damned cool if he got to face Mick Foley at WrestleMania. Vickie yelled in defense of Dolph but she was interrupted by John Laurinaitis. John claimed he would be unbiased as the referee of the WWE championship match at Royal Rumble. John said he has taken Foley’s request to be in the Royal Rumble under consideration, and the answer is NO! Vickie laughed in Foley’s face.
WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Epico & Primo w/Rosa Mendes defeated Air Boom (Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne) to retain the WWE Tag Team titles: They showed video footage of Epico & Primo defeating Air Boom for the tag team titles at a recent live event.
John Laurinaitis & David Otunga + Chris Jericho: John informed Chris Jericho that he was in the main event tonight. Jericho turned out the lights so we could see his jacket light up.
Josh Mathews & Zack Ryder & Eve Torres: Zack said he was not cleared to compete tonight. Eve said Zack was in no condition to defend his title. Zack said if anyone thinks he won’t go to the ring tonight they are full of crap. Eve said if Zack was going to the ring she was going with him.
VIDEO RECAP: Kane attacking John Cena & Zack Ryder last week.
WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH
Jack Swagger w/Vickie Guerrero defeated Zack Ryder w/Eve Torres to win the WWE United States title: Zack Ryder was injured with his mid section wrapped in medical tape due to being attacked by Kane last week. Swagger targetted the injury and used it to capture the United States title!
John Laurinaitis & Zack Ryder & Eve Torres: John came in and apologized to Zack Ryder, claiming he just opened up the documents saying Zack was not medically cleared. John just said “my bad.” Eve yelled at John for letting one of his employees compete while not cleared. John told her to show some respect for authority.
DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH
Kelly Kelly & Alicia Fox defeated The Bella Twins: The guest ring announcer was the idiot celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. Perez isn’t as fat as he used to be, but unfortunately he is still a tool. Perez celebrated with Kelly & Alicia after the match. The Bellas shoved Perez down until Kelly & Alicia came to his defense.
VIDEO RECAP: They showed a clip of the Big Show “accidentally” running into A.J. on SmackDown! – and Michael Cole claimed there were rumors circulating that it wasn’t an “accident.” It happened during a title match between World champion Daniel Bryan and challenger the Big Show, with A.J. in Bryan’s corner.
VIDEO PACKAGE: Royal Rumble 1992 (won by Ric Flair)..
IN THE RING
R-Truth + Wade Barrett + The Miz + Sheamus + “SmackDown! General Manager” Theodore Long: R-Truth came out but before he could talk he was interrupted by Wade Barrett. Wade proclaimed that he would win the Royal Rumble. Wade said he was an official participant and so was R-Truth. Truth said Little Jack thinks Wade talks funny. Truth said they were across the street from the happiest place on Earth – Disneyland! Truth asked where Wade’s smile went, and wanted to see Wade smile again. Truth started showing pictures of him with Disney characters. Truth said Pinnochio told him Wade would win the Royal Rumble, but then his nose grew. Truth kept cutting a promo on Wade, but the Miz suddenly attacked from behind. Miz & Wade double-teamed Truth until Sheamus ran down to make the save! The heels retreated and Theodore Long came out and booked an over the top rope challenge!
4-MAN OVER THE TOP ROPE CHALLENGE
R-Truth defeated Sheamus and The Miz and Wade Barrett: Truth, Sheamus, and Miz teamed up to eliminate Wade Barrett.. Miz attempeted to dump Sheamus over, but Truth snuck up behind and dumped them both to win! Sheamus knocked out Miz with a Brogue-kick on the floor to steal the spotlighT!
John Laurinaitis & John Cena: John Cena burst in and yelled at John for intentionally screwing Zack Ryder out of the U.S. title. John said maybe Cena should focus on his match with Kane at the Rumble. John said Cena had a lot of pent up anger so he’ll put him in a match with the man who beat up Zack Ryder – NEXT!
NON (WWE UNITED STATES) TITLE MATCH
John Cena vs. WWE United States champion Jack Swagger w/Vickie Guerrero never got started: John Cena went crazy and beat the living hell out of Jack Swagger. Cena threw Swagger into the ring steps, then bashed his head into the metal. Cena was about to squash Swagger’s head but Kane’s pyro hit. Kane came up the big screen and said he was impressed and he thinks Cena is finally getting it. Kane said by the time they meet at Royal Rumble, Cena will learn to embrace the hate.
“Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay defeated JTG: Week two of the Brodus Clay experiment. If you missed it last week, the monster has been turned into a Flash Funk wannabe.
VIDEO RECAP: They showed a more clips of the Big Show “accidentally” running into A.J. on SmackDown! – Big Show was crying and Daniel Bryan called Big Show a “bastard!”
ON STAGE SEGMENT
World Heavyweight champion Daniel Bryan: Daniel Bryan said most people think of Big Show as a lovable gentle giant. Daniel said Big Show was a cruel freak who had no problem plowing over his 95 pound girlfriend A.J.. Bryan said A.J. was traumatimez and will never be the same. Bryan said Big Show ran over his girlfriend to get to him and the World title. Bryan said Big Show didn’t even say sorry, and claimed the tears were 100% fake. Bryan said Big Show should never show his face on SmackDown! again, and if he does he will make him pay! Bryan plugged his title match with Mark Henry on this week’s SD!. Bryan dedicated that title match to A.J.. Bryan said last week A.J. said she loved him and this Friday he will show her just how much he appreciates it.
SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH
Mark Henry & David Otunga & Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero defeated C.M. Punk & Daniel Bryan & Chris Jericho by reverse decision: Daniel Bryan went right to the ring. Chris Jericho was introduced and he milked the audience reaction all throughout the commercial. Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, and David Otunga just appeared out of thin air. WWE champion C.M. Punk was introduced last and had his music played. Six men in the ring, and one of them has no business competing with the others. . . . . A few minutes into the match, Jericho became “overwhelmed with emotion” and walked out on his team without stepping into the ring. Daniel Bryan & Mark Henry had an altercation, and fought away from the ring. Mick Foley showed up and claimed John Laurinaitis put him on Punk’s team. Punk eventually made a hot tag and Foley went after Otunga. Foley pulled out the sock and gave Otunga a “Mr Socko” claw to supposedly win the match! John Laurinaitis came down and reversed the decision because Foley was NOT an official participant of the match.
IN THE RING
C.M. Punk & Mick Foley + John Laurinaitis: Punk grabbed the microphone and pulled on John’s jacket to intentionally express his disrespect. Punk told John that Foley has nothing to do with their problem. Punk said the people don’t know who John Laurinaitis is because when he was a sports entertainer he had the look, but did he ever suck! Punk said that must have been really difficult. Punk exposed that John’s brother was one of half of the Road Warriors, but he amounted to Road KILL. Punk called John BORING, and it kills him that he never made it to the WWE. Punk said John went from somebody who sucked to somebody who sucks up! Punk said he has achieved more in the last year than John has in his entire life. Punk said John will try to screw him at the Royal Rumble, due to pure jealousy. Punk said John can’t stand that he is the champion. Punk said if John screws him, he will beat his pathetic ass. Punk fake punched John and he backed off like a coward. Punk yelled “you’re pathetic!” and left the ring. John was left with Mick Foley in the ring. John picked up the mic and introduced himself again, the biggest bad heat getter since Vickie Guerrero’s EXCUSE ME. John said he will not be intimidated by C.M. Punk. Foley told John to admit that he is going to screw Punk. Foley called John a kiss-ass! John asked Foley who the hell he thought he was talking to. John admitted that he wanted to screw C.M. Punk because he is sick and tired of being disrespected, pushed around, and bullied. John said every week he puts on the best show possible for the WWE Universe and he’s not appreciated for it. John said he would not take it any more, and then bashed Foley in the head with the microphone!