WWE Monday Night RAW 04 02 2012

WWE RAW – April 2, 2012 – Miami, Florida
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

John Laurinaitis (w/David Otunga) & The WWE Roster (including WWE champion C.M. Punk): The WWE roster was gathered backstage for a speech by General Manager John Laurinaitis. JL said he won the right to be the most powerful man in the WWE, but he will not abuse his power. JL said tonight Santino will defend his U.S. title against Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger in a triple threat match. They got a good laugh over that. Suddenly a voice interrupted from the back. JL said he wasn’t taking questions until later. The voice was WWE champion C.M. Punk. Punk said he speaks for the fans and everyone around him; yes JL is the General Manager but they all consider him to be a giat tool box. JL booked Punk in a title match against Mark Henry. JL said welcome to a new era, the era of people power. The heels clapped and the babyfaces cringed.

The Rock: The show started with an appearances (perhaps the last appearance for a long time) by The Rock. He milked the crowd response and showed off his goosebumps. The crowd chanted “you still got it!” Rock said 14 months ago he came back to the WWE with birthday parties, history lessons, and rock concerts. Rock said it wasn’t until last night where the Rock stood before 78,000 fans and was victorious at WrestleMania so he could say FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK HOME! Rock said there was one man he had to thank, John Cena (crowd boos)… Crowd chanted “please don’t go!” Rock said Cena brought it like never before. Rock said at the end of the day it was an honor to compete against John Cena in the biggest match of all time. Rock said they made history and they did it for the fans. Rock thanked Cena, the fans, and the people… the millions, and millions, of the Rock’s fans. Rock said in 1995 he was cut from the CFL (Canadian Football League). Rock said do you know how much you gotta suck to be cut from the CFL? Rock said it was because of the fans that he can stand there as the people’s champion! Crowd chants “Rocky! Rocky!” Rock said if anybody thinks that this is the end, he guaran-damn-tees that this is just the beginning. Crowd chants “Yes! Yes! Yes!” (I think) and “Thank you, Rocky!” Rock said it was just the beginning because ever since last night he has had this vision (some guy whistled at him in the crowd and Rock said he was a John Cena fan)… Rock said some people think his vision is impossible, and said his vision was becoming WWE champion! Rock said that will come true one day IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN’!

WRESTLEMANIA FALLOUT: What will happen to John Cena?

Santino Marella defeated Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrer) and Jack Swagger (w/Vickie Guerrero) to retain the WWE United States champion: Vickie Guerrero’s boys double-teamed Santino for the first part of the match. Of course after a while Ziggler and Swagger turned on each other. This allowed Santino to recover and score the victory! After the match, Ziggler/Swagger tried to beat up Santino, who ran up to the stage where he was joined by Brodus Clay. Brodus head-butted Ziggler in the chest and Swagger decided not to make a move. Brodus & Santino danced with the funkettes.

Lord Tensai w/his handler defeated Alex Riley: Michael Cole acknowledged that Lord Tensai was a former WWE Superstar, who went to Japan and became an International Superstar. It’s A-Train, but they didn’t come out and say that. After the match, Tensai spewed mist into his hand and gave Riley THE CLAW!

HIGHLIGHTS: WrestleMania snapshots..

Mark Henry defeated WWE champion C.M. Punk by countout: Brainless Mark Henry thought he won the WWE championship, but then remembered you cannot win a title by countout. Mark got angry and gave Punk a World’s Strongest Slam on the floor! The crowd chanted “WE WANT LESNAR!”

John Laurinaitis (w/David Otunga) + Chris Jericho: John Laurinaitis said the WWE Universe wanted more competitive matches, and Punk is going to defend the title on a more consistent basis. JL made reference to a natural disaster. Chris Jericho showed up and said what happened to C.M. Punk tonight? Jericho said their match at WrestleMania was a classic and they deserve to celebrate with a drink. Jericho grabbed a bottle of something and said he would lead Punk down the lonely path of alcoholism. Jericho proceeded to pour the bottle over Punk’s head and in his mouth. Jericho went to kick Punk, but slipped on the wet mat, and the crowd yelled “you f’d up!” Jericho got another bottle and said it was Punk’s destiny to drink. Jericho warned Punk not to drink too much, because it will go straight to his head. Jericho then smashed the bottle over Punk’s head (it was a gimmicked bottle; in fact, it crumbled before it even made impact).

World Heavyweight champion Sheamus + Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez): Before Sheamus could speak, he was interrupted by the return of Alberto Del Rio! Alberto said Sheamus will lose the title just as fast as he won it. … and the new champion will be ALBERTO DEL RIO! Sheamus said it was good to see Alberto, because the people want to see him Brogue-kick somebody in the face! Alberto said he’s not looking for a fight, because he already has one. Alberto said Mr. Laurinaitis has given him a match with Sheamus on SmackDown!, and when he wins he gets a future title shot. Alberto’s mic kept cutting out. Ricardo handed him his mic, but he turned around into a Brogue-kick from Sheamus!! Daniel Bryan & AJ watched on a monitor backstage, not impressed.

John Mathews & Daniel Bryan (w/AJ): Daniel Bryan refused to answer John’s stupid question.

Kofi Kingston defeated Cody Rhodes: I thought we could just have a good old fashioned wrestling match, but it was interrupted by new Intercontinental champion The Big Show. He showed a clip of Cody Rhodes’ embarassing WrestleMania moment. Kofi took advantage of the distraction and took out Rhodes with the Trouble in Paradise.

Mark Henry & Abraham Washington: Abraham pitched an idea to be Mark Henry’s manager. I think he is going to be called AW.

Eve Torres: Eve said everyone wants to have their WrestleMania moment, and last night she got hers when she manipulated Zack Ryder. Eve said it was so easy. Eve said it was easy for her to manipulate any man, except one man, John Laurinaitis, because powerful people cannot be manipulated. Eve said “let’s hear it for people power!” Bad acting.

The Miz defeated Zack Ryder with the Skull Crushing Finale:

John Cena + Brock Lesnar: John Cena was not his usual self. Cena said he never thought of losing, but now that it has happened, he has to do what is right. Cena said we all take defeats in life (words from Mohamad Ali). Cena said all night we have seen clips of things he said on the road to WrestleMania. Cena said most people would be making excuses right now, but he meant everything he said. Cena said there was not one second in the year-long build up that he thought he would lose. Cena said no one goes undefeated in life, and a true champion retains the will to win even through their most disappointing loss. Cena said there was a lot of speculation on how he would react. The fans chanted “you’re a loser!” Cena wondered if this will be the day he finally lashes out at the WWE Universe. The crowd chanted “yes! yes! yes!” Cena said that will not happen. Crowd booes. Cena said he is a man, he was beaten, so as a man he will admit defeat. Cena said last night at WrestleMania he lost to the Rock. Cena said last night was the most important of his career but it won’t be his last. Cena said if he let down his fans, and will whip the slate clean and try to be the best he can be. Cena said he was not there to call out the Rock. Cena said they settled it last night. The crowd chanted “WE WANT LESNAR!” and Cena looked confused (but didn’t try to hide it). Cena said the crowd at RAW is always interesting (okay he tried to hide it). Cena invited the Rock down to the ring because he wants the Rock to know he considered him a champion, an inspiration, and the greatest WWE Superstar in the industry. The crowd again chanted “WE WANT LESNAR!” Cena said he put his heart and soul into last night, but he came up short and the Rock was the better man. The crowd chanted “yes! yes! yes!” and Cena joined in. Cena looked in the camera and said Daniel Bryan owes him one. The crowd then chanted “Daniel Bryan!” Cena looked into the camera again and said “this is why I love Monday Night RAW.” Cena said he wanted Rock to come out so he could congratulate him on his victory. Instead… Broke Lesnar’s video came up on the big screen and the crowd erupted! And I mean ERUPTED! Brock came out to the stage and did his stuff. He recently retired from UFC. The crowd chanted “Holy Sh*t!” Lesnar finally made it to the ring, where John Cena was applauding his entrance. Brock offered his hand to Cena, but instead scooped him up and gave him an F5!