Shannon: Survivor Series Predictions!

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon

My Survivor Series Predictions!

Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, takes a look at the Thanksgiving tradition, Survivor Series.

Survivor Series used to run on Thanksgiving night. It’s been shifted over to Sundays, as almost all PPVs are these days. The show is going to move back closer to it’s original format this Sunday. The two major titles are going to be on the line, but almost everyone else will be tossed into the chaotic 5-on-5 team battles. The other singles match is the gimmicky Casket Match between Undertaker and Big Show. This card isn’t going to be particularly easy to predict because of all the variables. I’ll give it my best shot.

Team Raw(Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle) v Team Smackdown(Michelle McCool, Maria, Maryse, Victoria and Natalya)
Diva Survivor Series Match

My Thoughts and Predictions:

Let’s be honest, this match is going to be awful. Diva matches are tough enough to watch if you want decent wrestling. Throw 10 Divas in the ring and the lines at the bathroom will be worse than the lines were on voting day. Some Divas will go out quickly (Jillian, Maryse, Victoria, and Maria). If this was based on actual talent, Beth and Mickie would survive. I’m expecting Michelle McTaker to get the win as a gift to ‘Taker for something that I see going down later in the night. I see the ending like this: It comes down to McTaker, Beth and Mickie. Beth double crosses Mickie and lets Michelle pin Mickie. While Beth is laughing at Mickie, Michelle rolls up the Glamazon for the surprise win.

Predicted Grade: C-
Predicted Winner: Michelle McCool of Team Smackdown (sole survivor)

Team BatistaBatista, C.M. Punk, Kofi Kingston, Matt Hardy and R-Truth v Team OrtonRandy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Shelton Benjamin and William Regal

My Thoughts and Predictions:

This match is a bit tougher to call. Each side has people that are getting pushed. Batista and Orton are in line for a shot at the winner of Jericho v Cena. Matt Hardy has been pretty dominant in defending the ECW strap. Shelton Benjamin has embarrassed R-Truth on several occasions. When it came down to sort this one out, I had to try to get into the minds of the writers (anyone got any Tylenol?).

Cena v Batista II is going to be saved for another big PPV, most likely Wrestlemania. Cena is going to need someone to battle between now and then. Orton is likely going to be that person. Orton needs to make it through this match to get his shot. Regal is also finally back in the WWE’s good graces after a near-disastrous situation with the Wellness Program. I expect the two of them to survive. Mark Henry might make it through as well, but Batista could really show off if he were to take out the World’s Strongest Man.

Predicted Grade: B
Predicted Winners: Randy Orton and William Regal (Team Orton)

Undertaker v Big Show
Casket Match

My Thoughts and Predictions:

Undertaker is getting seriously close to retirement. He’s been in and out of active competition several times over the past couple of years. Big Show has pretty much been spinning his wheels since he returned to the WWE. I have to imagine that ‘Taker wants a little rest before his final run in the company. The casket has been a good exit vehicle when ‘Taker wants a little time off. I could see a couple of different outcomes for this battle. All of them favor Big Show taking the win. Show could, of course, just beat the Undertaker and roll him in the coffin. That would be just a little too dull for the impact that it would make.

What I expect is the return of Edge. Edge could be in the coffin, itself, when it is rolled out to the ring. At the height of the match, Edge pops out like a Jack in the Box and Spears the Deadman into the death crate. ‘Taker disappears until around the time that they start announcing the inductees into the 2009 Hall of Fame. ‘Taker then teams with Kane to battle Edge and the returning Christian in a “battle of the so-called brothers battle”.

Predicted Grade: A-
Predicted Winner: Big Show (with major assist to Edge)

Team HBKShawn Michaels, The Great Khali, Rey Mysterio, Shad and JTG v Team JBLJohn Bradshaw Layfield, The Miz, John Morrison, MVP and Kane

My Predictions and Thoughts:

This battle should be the show-stealer of the night. I imagine Cryme Tyme will go out early. Shawn and JBL are likely going to take each other out. Kane will get himself disqualified for brutality towards Rey. It is going to come down to Miz/Morrison/MVP v Rey and Khali. Since MVP has been in a major slump, he’s going to end up getting taken out by Khali. Rey and Khali will be the Mutt and Jeff team (ancient analogy alert) that will take out the red-hot Miz and Morrison team.

Predicted Grade: A+

Predicted Winners: Rey Mysterio & The Great Khali

Triple H v Vladimir Kozlov v Jeff Hardy
WWE Championship Match

My Thoughts and Predictions:

Kozlov is the Nikita Koloff of the 21st century. He has all the talent in the world but he will likely never win the World or WWE titles. He is going to weaken Triple H but will not end up wearing the gold. Jeff was thrown in the mix, I think, because the crowds weren’t buying the whole Kozlov v Triple H program. I figure that the match is really going to come down to Triple H v Jeff Hardy. There are several questions that have to be answered to really make a true decision on this match.

Will Triple H allow himself to be booked to lose? Does the WWE feel that Jeff has cleaned up his act enough to be trusted to run with the gold? Is Survivor Series a big enough stage for Trip to drop the WWE strap? I’m seriously torn on which way to go with this one. Triple H has been going non-stop all year. He’s due a vacation to spend time with his new daughter. I think Jeff Hardy is going to upset Triple H for the belt after Kozlov basically takes out Trip. Jeff will swoop in like a vulture and pick the bones. HHH gets some time off and comes back to win the Royal Rumble.

Predicted Grade: A-
Predicted Winner: Jeff Hardy, the New WWE Champion

John Cena v Chris Jericho
World Heavyweight Championship Match

My Thoughts and Predictions:

The comeback of John Cena has been pushed harder than just about anything this side of Hulkamania. All this hype took me back to Dr. Lee’s Shakespeare class at the University of North Texas, 20 years ago. Me Thinks Thou Dost Protest Too Much. This match seems so obvious that it can’t be this simple and easy. If Jericho drops the strap to Cena, John could move on to battle Randy Orton and then Batista. I’d see Cena v Jericho at New Year’s Revolution in a rematch. Cena could then battle Orton at Royal Rumble and again at No Way Out. Batista could then step in and battle Cena for the World title at Wrestlemania. This leaves Jericho out in the cold, kind of like C.M. Punk.

I am so tempted to say that Jericho is going to end up keeping the strap. I could see Batista doing a run-in and set himself up as a heel. Batista battles Orton at New Year’s Revolution. Batista then takes out Jericho at Royal Rumble to set up Batista v Cena II at Wrestlemania with the belt on the opposite person. I would book it that way just to throw off the fans. That being said, I’m still going with John Cena to pull off the Cinderella Story angle and come back from (what I’m sure will be called) a career-ending injury to claim the World title. One thing for sure, this battle is going to have more twists and turns than a pretzel factory.

Predicted Grade: A+ (Candidate for Match of the Year)
Predicted Winner: John Cena

Final Grade: A-
Final Thoughts: Survivor Seriescould finally turn around the slump that WWE has been in, lately. This is one of the Big Four shows of the year. Expect surprises around every corner. Despite the fact that only 2 belts are actually up for grabs, I think this show is going to surprise people with how good it’s going to be. I don’t count out a super-surprise appearance by Christian (Cage). The Undertaker v Big Show match is going to really get the crowd pushed to frenzy level. If the writers don’t make this the kind of super-show that it has the potential to be, then the next pink slips shouldn’t be going to the wrestlers. I have to work during the show, so I’m still trying to decide if I want to pony up the cash for the show. I just have a feeling it’s going to be worth the investment.

–Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(11/22/08)