Shannon: The ECW (10/14) Extreme Examination!

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon

The ECW (10/14) Extreme Examination!

Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, gives his weekly review of all the action and adventure on the Tuesday Night Delight, ECW

To begin, I did not get to see the program, first run. Our wonderful satellite company, which is about as dependable as the stock market, couldn’t keep the Sci-Fi channel feed working during the show. I had to use the WWE’s X-Stream broadcast to get the details for this one on Wedsnesday afternoon. The show featured a fantastic match and a better-than-average battle. Let’s take a look at what ECW had to offer.

ECW eminated from my old home town, Las Vegas. I still have quite a few friends living in Vegas, a few of them are big wrestling fans.

Mark Henry and Tony Atlas stomped to the ring like Godzilla with a bad rash. Some fool gave the stick to Tony Atlas who mumbled through the promo. Tony sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles as he talked about Mark wanting his ECW title back. Teddy Long thrilled the crowd when he ended the painful vocalization by the WWE Hall of Famer. Teddy told Henry that he might get to challenge for the ECW. The fans would get to decide. The other two choices would be decided by qualifying matches. Teddy started the qualifiers, right away.

Jay’s Thoughts: Thank the stars the opening promo was short. Tony Atlas is pathetic on the microphone. He was mediocre during his prime, and now he’s just painful to watch. Mark isn’t much better, but at least you can understand him. Teddy, on the other hand, is one of the most enjoyable stick men in the industry.

Evan Bourne came out for the first Cyber Sunday Qualifying Match. Evan offered his hand to Mark Henry, and then pulled it back as a sign of disrespect. ECW went to break.

Evan Bourne d Chavo Guerrero
Cyber Sunday Qualifying Match

The two men were matched up well against each other. Both men went back and forth as the controller of the bout. Chavo lost his temper on several occasions during the match. Bourne hit an amazing Tope Con Hilo to send ECW to break. Chavo worked on Bourne’s arm and mid-section. Chavo hit a Rolling Liger Kick. Bourne came back with a series of brutal kicks. Bourne hit a Jumping Knee to Chavo that seemed seriously stiff. Chavo looked dazed as he leaned on the corner turnbuckles. Bourne hit a European Uppercut on Chavo after setting the Latin Warrior on the top rope. Bourne went for a Hurancanrana off the top rope, but Chavo moved and Bourne landed hard on the top ropes. Bourne tumbled back into the ring. Chavo locked in a Half Crab. Chavo went for the Tres Amigos Suplexes but Bourne kneed Chavo in the skull on the third Suplex. Chavo was sent to the corner by a Jumping Spin Kick. Chavo climbed the ropes and was flipped off by an awesome Leaping Hurancanrana. Evan Bourne then nailed the Shooting Star Press to take the hard fought win.

Grade: A+

Jay’s Thoughts: Now that’s what I call wrestling! Chavo Guerrero and Evan Bourne are possibly the best two workers in the WWE, right now. Chavo came out looking strong, even though he lost. Bourne continued to impress everyone in sight. I’d love to see these two united as a high-flying super-team. Then again, they work so well against each other that it would weaken the brand if they teamed up. I applaud both men for kicking off ECW with such a PPV-level match.

Mark Henry entered the ring after the bout and attacked Bourne. Mark hit the World’s Strongest Slam and then shook Bourne’s hand in a return disrespect from the opening segment.

ECW ran a Boogeyman Returns promo. Did someone forget that he already returned to Cothesline the stuffing out of that Mental Midget (Chris) from Jackass on Raw?

The Extreme Rewind featured Jeff Hardy trashing M-V-P. Montel is starting to become a lot like another WWE M.V.P, Abe “Knuckleball” Scwartz. Montel needs a severe change of scenary and character. Move him to Raw, please. After the match, Vladimir Kozlov came out and destroyed Jeff. Kozlov is the Nikita Koloff of the 21st century. Actually, he reminds me more of the Dolph Lundgren character from Rocky IV, the last good Rocky movie.

Teddy was talking on his cell when Tiffany came in dressed all in red as a Vegas Showgirl. If I wasn’t homesick before, that definitely made me want to head to Mahoney’s Silver Nugget. Teddy promo’d the Diva Costume Contest at Cyber Sunday. Tiffany brought a costume for Teddy, a white Elvis Jumpsuit with rhinestones. She mus have raided the Honky Tonk Man’s locker. Jack Swagger came in and grumbled about not getting to face Matt Hardy. Teddy informed Jack that he would have to earn his shot. Tommy Dreamer came in and asked for a championship match, after Cyber Sunday. Teddy said he would consider it. Jack then went off on Tommy, talking about “this is not 1996, Tommy”. Jack suggested that Tommy’s time was over. Jack had the audacity to accuse Tommy of “bastardizing his (Tommy’s) legacy”.

Jay’s Thoughts: Ok, I’ve never made it a secret that Tommy Dreamer is my favorite active wrestler. He is also the wrestler/personality that I respect most in this industry. I think Tommy should get a shot at the ECW title. I also think he should get the chance to shut the over-teethed mouth of the blowhard, Jack Swagger.

Finlay d “J-Mo” John Morrison
Cyber Sunday Qualifying Match

Miz accompanied his partner, J-Mo, to the ring for the battle. Finlay brought his munchkin…er son, Hornswoggle, to the arena. The two battlers exchanged some solid basic moves to kick off the match. Finlay focused on Morrison’s legs during the match. Morrison worked over the chest and head of the Irishman. In a hilarious moment, the crowd began a “Johnny Nitro” chant. Morrison actually smiled at the chant before returning to work on the arm of Finlay. The crowd was one of the hotest in recent memory. Nevadans tend to be a rowdy bunch (I’m a Nevadan, so I can say that). Finlay threw Morrison over the ropes and onto Miz. Finlay faked having something in his eye to distract the ref. Hornswoggle came into the ring and did a Mini-Tope Con Hilo between the ropes onto Miz and Morrison. striker got a gold star for his name for the move…The Low-pe Con Hilo. Miz was dragged under the ring by Hornswoggle…or was it? Finlay rolled Morrison back into the ring as ECW took a break.

Morrison worked over Finlay’s arm after the break. Miz hadn’t returned from under the ring. Morrison went for the Moonlight Drive, only to have Finlay reverse it. Finlay raced at Morrison and crashed in the corner. Morrison focused on the injured left arm of Finlay. The crowd started a sing-song “Boring” chant when Morrison continued with the Arm Bar. Finlay got free and went for a Backslide. He only got a two count, so he attacked with Clotheslines. After a pair of Irish Whip, Finlay used the Forward Roll Senton to soften up Morrison. Morrison caught Finlay with an off-balance Backbreaker, followed up with a Neckbreaker. Hornswoggle slid in the ring and curled up in a ball. The ref came to check on the diminutive grappler/side kick. Finlay grabbed the Shillelagh to bash Morrison, but Mike Knox rushed out to snatch it from the Irishman’s grip. Morrison hit a Springboard Enziguri off the middle rope. Finlay kicked out of the pin attempt.

Mike Knox was dragged under the ring by a mystery force. Morrison went to remove a turnbuckle pad. While the ref turned to deal with that, Cryme Tyme slid out from under the ring and handed the Shillelagh to Finlay. Finlay cracked Morrison in the skull with the weaon and then took the win. Finlay was now the third member of the trio that fans could vote for.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: This match was great but it seemed a notch off, as compared to the opening match. This match was basically for the “throw someone in that nobody’s gonna vote for” spot. Finlay is a great competitor, but he doesn’t have the brute strength and heel appeal of a Mark Henry. He also doesn’t have the speed and flashy moves of an Evan Bourne. Finlay deserved the win, though he will likely get the night off at Cyber Sunday.

After the match, Finlay stunned the Thomas and Mack crowd as he blasted both members of Cryme Tyme with his Shillelagh. Finlay left the ring and backed up the ramp. This allowed Mark Henry to come out and plant Finlay with the World’s Strongest Slam on the steel rampway.

Final Grade: B

Jay’s Final Thoughts: You might be asking why I gave the program a B rating, when both matches received high marks. The reason is quite simple…there were only two matches. Swagger, Knox and Dreamer only got cameos and Ricky Ortiz got the night completely off. Amando Estrada is still MIA,, as well. ECW also lost a full point for giving Tony Atlas the opportunity to cut a promo. Why he is in ECW is still beyond me. Tiffany is simply the hottest Diva in the organization, right now. She is the perfect counter-point to Teddy Long. If ECW could ever get all their paddles rowing in the same direction, they could give Raw and Smackdown a run for their money.

–Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(10/16/2008)