HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My Unforgiven Predictions:
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, breaks out his Crystal Ball and Tea Leaves to try and predict the outcomes of the WWE’s next big Pay-per-View, Unforgiven
First, let me state my feelings on Unforgiven. It is very possibly going to be the worst pay-per-view in the history of the WWE. All three major titles are on the line in the exact same kind of match. No creativity needed for that one. Shawn Michaels, who is injured, is swearing to face Chris Jericho is yet another meaningless battle. Simply Priceless puts pride and their tag belts on the line against Cryme Tyme. Michelle McCool will put the title that she got because of being Undertaker’s squeeze on the line against Maryse, who couldn’t wrestle her way out of a bikini top. The US title is ignored, as is the Intercontinental title. Let’s try and figure out where WWE will go with this train wreck-in-waiting.
Chris Jericho v Shawn Michaels
No-Holds-Barred, Unsanctioned battle.
The Backstory: Ok, let’s see if I can timeline this one. Shawn retires Ric Flair at Wrestlemania. From there, Shawn has to battle with Batista, because Shawn wouldn’tjob to Flair. Shawn faked a knee injury to take the win. Jericho then gets all holier-than-thou on Shawn for doing something that Jericho, himself, would do a thousand times over. The two then engaged in a series of nonsense battles that should have ended at Summerslam.
Shawn wanted to retire and brought his wife to the ring to say his good-byes. Jericho then crashed the party and dissed Shawn for taking a showboating-type of exit. Then the WWE showed that they watch TNA PPVs as Jericho went to punch Shawn but missed. Rebecca Michaels, unlike Sharmell Huffman, can’t work a punch if her life depended on it. Rebecca drops like a little kid acting shot in a game of Cowboys and Indians. Shawn did his best to try and sell the injury, but Rebecca can’t even make a good Pain Face. Anyway, Shawn demands retribution for the attack on his wife. On Monday Night Raw, he defends himself against an attacking Lance Cade and clumsily falls out of the ring and tweaks his arm. Always the trooper, Shawn decides to go forth with the match.
Prediction: Who the heck cares? This feud has gone on far too long. This match will likely be short, due to Shawn’s bum arm. Expect blood. Expect a few curse words to “accidently” fly. In a real fight, Jericho would trounce Shawn in a few minutes. Jericho would focus on the eye and arm and take out Shawn. Shawn would then disappear for several months. That’s just not going to happen. Shawn is going to have the Vengeance motivation angle working in his favor. Jericho will cower and cringe as Shawn pummels him into dog meat. Cade will try to interfere, which will backfire. Shawn will hit Sweet Chin Music, several times, to exact his revenge. The crowd will be solidly behind Shawn, of course.
Your Winner: Shawn Michaels
Grade: C
Ted DiBiase (Jr.) & Cody Rhodes v Cryme Tyme
World Tag Title Match
The Backstory: Rhodes and DiBiase won their second tag titles by defeating a dysfunctional John Cena and Dave Batista. JTG and Shad, close buddies with Cena, snuck in and stole…oops borrowed…the tag straps from Simply Priceless. Randy Orton came out on Raw and humiliated the champs with a brutal promo. DiBiase and Rhodes then went out and kicked the stuffing out of Cryme Tyme and reclaimed their gold. Sunday, DiBiase and Rhodes are set to defend the gold (and their honor) against the Brooklynites.
Prediction: Rhodes and DiBiase are going to try and shut Orton’s mouth with this match. Shad and JTG are going to try and turn the match into a comic skit. DiBiase and Rhodes will have no part of it. They are going to be focused, and angry. They are going to target the smaller JTG. Fast tags between the champs will keep the challengers off their game. Rhodes will soften JTG up with his DDT. DiBiase will then use the Priceless Plunge (Million Dollar Dream into a Locked Chokeslam) to keep the titles.
Your Winners: Simply Priceless (Rhodes and DiBiase)
Grade: C
Michelle McCool v Maryse
Diva Championship Match
The Backstory: McCool gets handed the Divas title. There are less than a dozen Divas in the WWE, yet they have two titles. Go figure. Instead of fighting someone with talent (Nattie “Natalya” Neidhart or Victoria), McCool gets a Gimme match against Maryse.
Prediction: The stampede to the bathrooms and beer stands will be deafening. The only way that Maryse would win the Divas title from McCool would be if the future-Mrs. Undertaker knocks herself out in a botched move. I actually considered that when making my prediction. Nah, that’s not going to happen.
Your Winner: Michelle McCool
Grade: F
Mark Henry v Matt Hardy v The Miz v Finlay v Chavo Guerrero
ECW Championship Scramble
The Backstory: Not wanting to be left out, ECW’s GM, Teddy Long, decided to put five men into a Championship Scramble. That was almost everyone on the near non-existent ECW roster. Mark will, of course, have Tony Atlas at his side. The person who ends up with the belt, after 20 minutes, will be the champ.
Prediction: Hear a bell ringing? It’s the Death Chimes sounding for ECW. The Black Brand is basically throwing all they have at this match to try and stay equal with Smackdown and RAW. ECW really should let the title switch around a few times. Here’s how I see things going:
Matt Hardy pins Chavo after the Twist of Fate, thus slapping Chavo in the face, once again. While Matt celebrates, Miz slips in and rolls up Matt to end up as the Hardcore champion (no, wait, wrong match). Finlay then hit the Emerald Fusion on Miz to take him down and earn his spot on top. Tony Atlas then goes after Hornswoggle, which distracts Finlay. Mark Henry then hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Finlay just before the bell sounds.
Final Winner: Mark Henry
Grade: D
“The” Brian Kendrick v Triple H v MVP v Jeff Hardy v Shelton Benjamin
WWE (Smackdown) Championship Scramble Match
The Backstory: Vickie Guerrero, following the path blazed by Mike Adamle, made her own Championship Scramble Match. She set up a series of matches for people to qualify. Instead of putting deserving people like Kozlov, Undertaker, Khali or Big Show in the match, WWE threw Kendrick, Jeff Hardy and MVP in the match. It just seems like an anti-climax kind of booking.
Prediction: There isn’t a single person in this match that has the ability to take down Triple H. It’s almost like giving The Game a free ride. The title will change ownership, by the contenders pinning each other. Triple H will do his best Superman impression and take on everyone in sight, hitting Pedigrees, left and right. I expect Trip to cover Jeff Hardy to seal the deal. Expect Big Show and/or Khali to make an appearance to upset the apple cart, at some point.
Final Winner: Triple H
Grade: B-
C.M. Punk v JBL v Rey Mysterio v Kane v Batista
World (RAW) Championship Scramble Match
The Backstory: Punk used his Money-in-the-Bank briefcase to take the World title from Edge. Punk has battled Kane and JBL, only to dominate them. Batista helped Punk win the World title, by dismantling Edge before Punk came out. Rey gets the fifth spot because John Cena messed up his neck and back in the match against Batista at Summerslam.
Prediction: Rey is going to be too focused on Kane to think about the title. Rey and Kane will basically cancel each other out as threats to Punk’s title. The two men will probably end up fighting out of the ring and through the crowd. JBL just doesn’t have the same fire that he used to. He should go back to the announce table on Friday nights.
Batista is perhaps the biggest star in the match, yet he will not end up wearing the belt. WWE wants to set up a David v Goliath match between Batista and Punk. That’s probably your main event at the next PPV. JBL will nail the Clothesline From Hell, most likely on Punk, to take the top spot, at least for a couple of minutes. Batista will come back with a Batista Bomb to take the title from JBL. Punk will sneak in with mere seconds to go to catch Batista with a simple Roll-up to regain his title. After the match, Batista will lose it and attack Punk.
Final Winner: C.M. Punk
Grade: C
Final Thoughts: This PPV is just another example of the WWE expecting the fans to swallow anything they feed them. The buy-rates for this event is going to be dismal, at best. WWE should not have put all three titles on the line in the exact same kind of match. Fans demand variety in the matches that they watch.
The whole Shawn Michaels match is still in question. Depending on how badly he damaged his arm, Shawn might not be able to go. The WWE just didn’t think Shawn would end up injuring himself, this close to a PPV. There’s really no one ready to step in and take that spot if Shawn can’t go. Santino could fight D’Lo Brown and Kofi in a Triple Threat Match for the I-C title, maybe.
Just to sum up my predictions, very simply. No titles change hands. The tag belts stay with Simply Priceless. Triple H, Mark Henry and C.M. Punk keep their individual titles. McCool doeesn’t even break a sweat against Maryse. The only surprise will be when Batista flips out and destroys Punk.
Final Grade: C
–Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(9/5/2008)