The Impact (11/5) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The TNA Impact (11/5) Insight
Our resident philosopher looks at the so-called new beginnings of TNA

Dixie Carter laid down the law to the troops, this week. Daniels and A.J. Styles squared off, with Samoa Joe as the special guest ref. The stars of TNA started giving their opinions on Hulk Hogan (and his entourage) joining the company.

The show, of course, opened with the press conference from last week. Eric Bischoff introduced The Hulkster. Hogan has started making the press rounds to push his alliance with the organization. It still hasn’t been revealed what Hogan’s role will be.

This Week’s Episode: A New Beginning

Dixie did her best Dolly Parton Chicken Ranch speech (From Best Little Whorehouse in Texas). She said that people could have different opinions but if they questioned her, they could leave. Harsh. There was still no sign of Jeff Jarrett. Dixie said it was time to swing for the fences. Dixie said that the roster would be tested but if they pulled together, TNA could be the best. I will not be shocked if people start leaving the organization after hearing that hard-nosed speech.

On to the Impact Zone where A.J. Styles made his way from the back. Styles addressed the changes in TNA. He started by saying that he hasn’t changed. They crowd gave a mixed reaction when Styles mentioned Hogan’s name. Styles grinned as he said TNA was at a whole new level. Styles then looked at the negatives. Styles said he was a fighting champion but he has been jumped, several times. Styles said the mystery person should “Man Up”, whether Foe or Friend, and face him.

Daniels stormed from the back. Mike Tenay and Taz suggested that Daniels was the attacker. Daniels questioned Styles about the Foe or Friend comment. Styles said he didn’t have to explain his comment. Daniels disagreed. Daniels wondered if Styles was so gullible, or stupid, to buy Joe’s comments. Daniels accused Styles of being arrogant. Daniels talked about all the opportunities that Styles has been given. Daniels accused Styles of being pampered and spoiled. He suggested that Styles gets special treatment. Daniels said he is every bit the wrestler that Styles is. Daniels said the company has kept him down, while helping Styles up. Daniels hoped that things would change, in a positive way, for him. He expected that he would face another seven years of Hell. Styles got upset at his long-time friend. Styles wanted to know if there was anything that Daniels couldn’t say to him…

Enter Samoa Joe. Joe said Daniels was working Styles. He called Daniels “a bald-face liar”. Joe said the friendship was a lie, as well. Joe accused Daniels of being jealous of Styles. Joe said he wanted what Styles had, the World title. Joe said he was honest enough to say it face to face. Joe suggested Daniels attacked Styles like a cowardly punk. Daniels snapped and said he could beat Styles, anytime he wanted to. Styles called him on his remark. Styles challenged him to prove up…tonight. Styles said they should put their friendship aside and get this settled. Daniels and Styles shook on it to agree. Joe had a wicked smile as he watched the scene.

Eric Young and Big Rob (Terry) came out to face Beer Money, Inc. Last week, Eric renamed the Legends title, last week. It is now the Global Championship. Eric said he would not defend the title against US wrestlers or in the US. James Storm rode out on the Boozer Cruizer. Taz wanted a beer.

Beer Money d Eric Young and Big Rob

The Finish:

Eric ran in but took an Enziguri, in the corner, from Storm. Eric fell out of the ring. Storm was elevated over the ropes and onto Rob. Rob struck his head on the concrete floor. Storm rolled Rob back in and Beer Money tried for the DWI. Rob fought back and lifted Roode with a drop. Eric brought in the Global belt and accidentally clocked Rob with it. Rob was easy prey for the pin.

Grade: B+

Eric rushed in and tried to smash his title into the heads of Beer Money. They both dodged him and set for the DWI. Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams in their Good Humor outfits hit the ring to stop the assault on their so-called leader. The ref called for security to break things up. The World Elite started up the ramp. Brutus and Doug read the riot act to Rob. At he top of the ramp, The Motor City Machine Guns jumped the British Invasion.

Jay’s Thoughts: Do I hear the opening strains of a face turn for Big Rob? I’d love to see him and Hernandez form a team. They’d be a real threat to either tag belt.

In the back, the Beautiful People talked about filming their second video “Meanest Girls, Part II”. The trio took the camera crew to the video shoot. TNA took a break before visiting the set.

The Beautiful People were looking for Taylor Wilde and Sarita<\. They found ODB. They got into some great verbal shots at each other. The Beautiful People jumped on ODB and sprayed her in the face. They shoved ODB into a laundry bag.

Lauren then talked with Jay Lethal. Lethal went into full Savage mode. he threw out a little history lesson. Lethal then welcomed Hogan to TNA. Lethal created the Black Machismo Invitational. he said he would fight any given Legends. He called for Bundy, Flair, Koloff, etc… I heard that he gets his first challenge, next week, which will hit him like an Anvil.

JB talked with Mick Foley. JB tried to ask about the issue with Abyss. Mick diverted the conversation to Hogan. He then went to talk about the video footage of the office and wanted to know what JB was trying to hide. JB then switched it back to Abyss. Foley said he had a surprise for Abyss. TNA went to break.

Desmond Wolfe then came out in an Undertaker-like blue fog. I guess that was supposed to represent the London fog. TNA then showed Wolfe's Lariat of Angle, last week. Wolfe had the former Knockout Champion, Cody "Cooter" Deaner, in the ring.

Desmond Wolfe d Cody Deaner

Ok, this took mere seconds. Deaner charged at Wolfe. Wolfe hit the Lariat. Deaner was gone. Yep, that quick.

Grade: C

Jay’s Thoughts: I couldn’t help but hearing the obnoxious bragging voice of an old ex-friend in my head. He used to run his mouth at the bar saying “There ain’t gonna be but two hits…I hit you and you hit the floor”. TNA is just determined to keep using the same old boring Goldberg Pushh with every new kid that comes along. Yawn.

Taz and Tenay were trying to talk to Kurt Angle. Angle said his larynx and neck were injured. Angle said Wolfe caught him off-guard. The medics were in the ring to check on Deaner. Wolfe wanted to talk. Wolfe said Deaner was just another victim of the Wolfe. Wolfe said it was easy for people to get in the ring with him but not so easy to leave. Wolfe called Kurt “Mr. Mangled”. Wolfe said he would face Kurt at Turning Point. Wolfe said he could smell the blood, already. He said he was “Hungry Like a Wolf(e)”.

Lauren talked with Suicide. Lauren said Homicide now knew his identity. Suicide said he would not reveal himself to the audience. Suicide said the “Dark Savior” would strike down on Homicide, soon.

Lauren chatted with Brother Ray and Brother Devon of Team 3D. She asked if Team 3D believed Rhino’s conspiracy theory. Ray wanted to talk about Hulk Hogan. He said Dixie Carter had the biggest set of grapefruits in the business. Rhino came in and threw out that The Guns won, last week, because of the conspiracy. He started ranting about all the coincidences in TNA around him and Team 3D. Devon threw respect to Matt Morgan and Hernandez. Ray said “To Be the Team, you have to Beat the Team”. Ray threw respect to Ric Flair, although he didn’t call him by name.

Samoa Joe came out for the Hour Turner match. Joe was wearing Undertaker purple gloves. Daniels then came out, stone faced. Daniels stared daggers at Joe. In the back, JB talked with Styles. Styles was jumped by a masked man and threw him into a wall. Daniels tried to rush back to him but Joe stopped him. Joe nailed a Muscle Buster on Daniels. Joe left the ring. TNA went to break.

Tara came out for the next match. She had Poison, the tarantula, with her. TNA showed Awesome Kong‘s attack on Tara, last week. Tara’s opponent was Hamada.

Tara d Hamada

The two locked up and then broke when neither could gain an advantage. Hip Toss by Tara. Standing Switch by Tara and Hamada. Hamada took Tara down but couldn’t get the pin. Hamada with Knife Edge Chops. Tara Clotheslined Hamada, twice, and then hit the Scoop Slam. Tara with a Standing Moonsault. Tara Shouldered Hamada in the corner. Hamada reversed an Irish Whip but got hoisted over the ropes by Tara. Hamada Headbutted Tara and then went Old School (Undertaker-style) on Tara. Taker should get royalties from this week’s show. Hamada with a brutal Enziguri into a La Magistral Roll-up. Hamada with a Side Suplex. She then went for the Moonsault but Tara got the knees up. Tara used her Widow’s Peak finisher to take the win.

Grade: B+

Kong then stomped down the ramp. Security tried to hold her back. Tara with a Crossbody off the top rope onto Kong! The two fought around ringside. Security tried to keep the two apart. Tenay announced that Tara and Kong would face off in the Six Sides of Steel at the next PPV.

Jay’s Thoughts: Hamada deserves better than this. She should be a top contender for the Knockouts title. Instead, she’s just floundering in mid-card Hell. Tara v Kong does look to be a decent fight.

Lauren spoke with Tara. Tara warned Kong that she would be locked up with Tara in the cage.

Mick Foley then came from the back. TNA showed Mick Foley save Abyss from an attack by Dr. Stevie. Foley had had a gift for Abyss. Foley called out The Monster. Foley told Abyss that he understood why Abyss didn’t trust him. Foley set the gift in the corner. Foley talked about the brutal battle that they had at Bound For Glory. Foley said he felt bad about his negative comments about Abyss. Foley said he needed to see if Abyss was as good as everyone said he was. Foley said Abyss was as tough as he thought but he wasn’t as good as he thought…he was better. Foley threw out respect to both Bruiser Brody and the Dynamite Kid, as well as Terry Funk and Harley Race. Foley said he felt it was an honor that Abyss was compared to him. Foley got the gift from the corner. He handed the picture to Abyss. It was another caricature, this time Foley and Abyss. Abyss was almost in tears. Foley stopped his exit to say that Abyss had one more thing to prove. He made the match of Abyss v Dr. Stevie. If Abyss pins Dr. Stevie, Stevie must leave TNA.

JB interviewed Scott Steiner. JB wanted to know what Steiner thought of Hogan’s arrival. Steiner talked about his history in the nWo. He said he might have Hogan join him in the Main Event Mafia. Steiner then suggested that Crystal Lashley was lusting after him. Steiner said you can’t stop the lust of a woman. TNA went to break.

Matt Morgan talked about Hogan’s arrival. he felt it was a big thing. He talked about being a Hulkamaniac. He said that he got a lot of insight from Hogan during their time together at American Gladiators.

Homicide then got in the ring. TNA showed the non-title win over Amazing Red, last week. Homicide got Bobby Lashley. Lashley had Crystal at his side.

Bobby Lashley d Homicide

Earl Hebner forced Crystal to go to the back. Bobby was ticked. Homicide jumped Bobby and punched away. Lashley shoved him away. Lashley whipped Homicide into the corner but missed a Splash. Homicide hit a Missile Dropkick to drop “The Boss”. Lashley kicked out with authority.Lashley with a Leapfrog and a monster Chokeslam to take the easy win.

Grade: B-

Homicide jumped Lashley after the bell. Homicide took off his boot and started to hit him. Bobby went for a Press Slam but Steiner and Crystal showed up on the ‘Tron. Steiner kidnapped Crystal but Lashley caught them. Bobby destroyed Steiner in the back, throwing him into the wall. Various wrestlers tried to pull Lashley off. Lashley kicked at Steiner as TNA went to break.

Jay’s Thoughts: Lashley comes in as the greatest thing since sliced bread and he’s stuck in a silly feud with Steiner? You know, if Dixie is going to make some major changes, maybe she should start with the lousy writing staff.

Homicide attacked Earl Hebner, after the break. Red rushed to the ring and took the fight to Homicide with a Tilt-a-Whirl Headscissors and a Jumping Spin Kick. Red went to the top rope and hit the Crimson Clothesline. Homicide bailed out of the ring and hightailed it. Tenay and Taz ran down the updated Turning Point card. This one is shaping up to be awesome.

Madison Rayne dressed in Angelina Love-like fishnets and leopard print outfit. Her opponent was one half of the Knockout Champions,Taylor Wilde.

Taylor Wilde d Madison Rayne

Wilde with a headlock. Rayne sent Wilde to the ropes but took a boot to the ribs. Wilde with a dive over Rayne and an Arm Drag into a Arm Bar. Wilde went for the Flying Headscissors but Rayne pulled back and Wilde hit the mat with a splat. Rayne mounted Wilde and punched away. Rayne showed off and Wilde tripped her. Wilde hit a Rolling Back Bridge to take the quick win.

Grade: C

The Beautiful People attacked Wilde en masse. Sarita rushed down to aid her partner. It was still a 3-on-2 beat down until ODB came down to help. The Beautiful People scooted out of the ring to avoid the Trailer Park Princess.

Jay’s Thoughts: The Double Championship battle at the next PPV intrigues me. It has the potential to really be a fun match. I’d like to see Lacey Von Erich take the Knockout title. Unfortunately, if the Beautiful People take the title, they will probably share both of them. That would stink like week-old fish.

Don West ran down some upcoming shows, including a special Nashville show. Lauren then interviewed Matt Morgan and Hernandez. Hernandez and Morgan blew off the conspiracy theory. Morgan had respect for Team 3D but he and Hernandez were going to knock them off their perch. Hernandez echoed the comment with “Like it or not” (in Spanish).

A.J. Styles then made his way through the shower of sparks to make a second attempt to battle Daniels. TNA showed the attack, early, in the back. Daniels was already waiting for him, as was Joe.

A.J. Styles d Daniels
Non-Title Match, Special Guest Ref — Samoa Joe

The Finish:

Daniels clamped on a Seated Abdominal Stretch. Styles got to his feet and punched free. Daniels with a kick to the ribs. Daniels with a Scoop Slam and a Split-Legged Moonsault. Daniels drove the knee into Styles’ ribs. Joe threaten to DQ Daniels. Styles began to fight back. A knee from Daniels slowed him down. Styles with a Suplex into a Neckbreaker. Joe began to count them down. Daniels really took a wicked bump to the neck at Bound For Glory. My grandsons were in my office to watch the replay with me and Tim, who is 14, yelled out to his mom “This dude is so dead!”. Styles with a pair of Clotheslines. Daniels reversed an Irish Whip but Styles hopped over the ropes and onto the apron. He popped Daniels in the face on the rush-in. Styles went for the Springboard Crossbody but they cracked heads. Both men were down and stunned. Daniels rushed Styles to the corner. Styles with the Springboard to try and hit the Inverted DDT. Daniels actually countered it into a Snap Mare. Styles with a Crucifix into the Styles Clash!

Grade: A

Joe handed Styles the title and left the ring. When Styles went to check on Daniels, Joe rushed back into the ring and slapped the Kokina Clutch on Styles! Joe choked out of Styles. Daniels was in no shape to help the TNA champ. Joe picked up the TNA title and held it aloft. TNA went to break.

Jay’s Thoughts: This three way battle just seems rather weak to me. I realize that all three men are extremely talented but this just doesn’t have the excitement factor that a Triple Threat World title match should have.

Hernandez felt Hogan’s arrival to TNA would bring great exposure to the company. From there, Lauren talked with Dr. Stevie and Daffney. Lauren told Stevie that Foley played them both. Stevie said he wasn’t about to leave TNA. Stevie said he planned to take out Abyss, once and for all. Stevie looked forward to sharing his brutality with Abyss.

Team 3D arrived for a non-title match against Morgan and Hernandez. Devon’s knee was heavily braced. It was injured at Bound For Glory. Matt Morgan and Hernandez came out together to face the IWGP Champs.

Matt Morgan and Hernandez d Team 3D (by DQ)
Non-Title Match

The Finish:

Devon took the tagged and hit an Elbow Drop off the ropes. Devon jammed his knee on the landing. Hernandez pulled Devon into the middle of the ring and twisted the knee. Rhino came to the ringside area and told Ray to pay attention to what was going on. Ray told Rhino to go away. Morgan tagged in and went back to work on the knee. Rhino said Morgan was trying to take out Devon’s knee. Ray lost it and shoved Rhino away and told him to get the freak out of here (Ray’s actual words). Morgan with a Single Leg Crab> Hernandez took the tag and went back to the knee. Morgan came back in and hit the Knee Breaker and called for the Chokeslam. ray came in with the chair and took out both Morgan and Hernandez.

Grade: B

Ray was confused after the match. Rhino came in and hugged Ray, who shoved him away. Rhino hit Gores! on both Morgan and Hernandez. Ray was totally confused by all the chaos. TNA faded to black.

Jay’s Thoughts: Make up your darn minds, writers! Will Team 3D be faces or heels? This is just darn annoying. The whold conspiracy angle is lame. It just muddies the waters of the tag team scene.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: If this was the new beginning, I’m thinking beginning of the end. Jeff Jarrett has disappeared to play house with Karen Angle. Dixie’s now trying to be all high and mighty, doing the “the door is thata way” speech. Hogan’s arrival is just not going to be a good thing. TNA is sliding into a major boring rut. Expect all of Hogan’s buddies to show up in the company. Lethal’s challenge is likely going to be the door that they walk through. I already know the first challenger, which I hinted at above. I’m expecting Brutus Beefcake (probably called something silly like Brother Bruti) to be next. The Nasty Boys are on the way, as well as Greg Valentine, Bundy and probably a slew of former WCW guys. The clock just rolled back 10 years and moved from Orlando to Atlanta.

Peace

– -Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(11/7/09)