The Impact (12/10) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The TNA Impact (12/10) Insight
Our resident philosopher takes a look at this week’s TNA Impact

Kevin Nash was in charge of this week’s show. Mick Foley had a little heart-to-heart with TNA Founder, Jeff Jarrett. TNA pushed Hulk Hogan‘s move to TNA. In the middle of all this, TNA did slide in a little actual wrestling.

The show opened with a look at Hulk Hogan and Sting. TNA suggested that the Sting disappearance had something to do with Hogan. The video segment also included Jeff Jarrett’s rejection of TNA and the feud between Kurt Angle and Desmond Wolfe.

This Week’s Episode: “Foley/Jarrett Summit”

JB and Mick Foley walked into Mick’s office, where he found Kevin Nash in Mick’s chair. Nash said he set up a meeting between Hogan and Foley. Nash said that he only wanted the chance to run the show. Foley accepted the offer. Foley gave Nash the DVD of the Foley/Jarrett Summit. Nash gave JB a C-Note ($100) to get some drinks. Nash got on the phone and asked for the security tapes of Mick’s office for the last three months.

Roll the titles!

This week’s Guest Host (no, wait, this isn’t Monday)…Kevin Nash and Eric Young came down to the ring. Nash told the crowd that the fans were in for a heck of a show. Nash explained how he got the hosting job. Nash ran down the night’s card.

TNA ran the first of video pieces of Mick Foley’s trip to Nashville. He mocked Dixie Carter for not calling him back. Foley was warned that he was pushing the limits. Foley asked one guy where to find Jarrett. He was told about Meat and Three, a local bar that the guys used to hang out.

Mike Tenay and Taz said that there was a huge announcement that on Monday, January 4th, TNA would go head-to-head with Monday Night Raw in a three hour supershow.

All three members of The British Invasion came out for the 3-on-1 Handicap Match against Chris Sabin. Sabin came out alone for the opening contest.

Chris Sabin d The British Invasion
Three-on-one Handicap Match

The Finish:

Rob Terry took the official tag and stalked Sabin. Rob with the Scoop Slam into an attempt at an Elbow Drop. Sabin went to attack Terry, in the corner, but Doug came in to jump Sabin. Sabin with the Standing Switch. Sabin shoved Doug into Rob. Brutus rushed in and almost crashed into his two partners. Sabin waited and caught Rob with an MVP-like Running Boot. Doug and Brutus went for a Double Clothesline on Sabin but the Gunner ducked and Rob took the move, full force. Sabin hit a Dual Dropkick on Brutus and Doug to take them out. Sabin then gained the win with what looked to be a Tornado DDT, but instead became a Tornado Small Package.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: Rob Terry is just about to get his first singles push. He so reminds me of a young British Bulldog.

Rob caught Hell from his two partners, after the match. In the back, Christy Hemme talked with Scott Steiner. Hemme ticked off Steiner by mentioning the “former” Main Event Mafia. Hemme simply wanted to know who Steiner’s partner would be to face Bobby and Crystal Lashley. Steiner said he would fight a “Freak” to watch him beat up the Lashleys, even their two (correction 1 1/2) year old son, Miles.

Foley met with a lady named Miss Ruby at a Hendersonville, TN restaurant. She hadn’t seen Jeff in a month or so. Foley wanted Miss Ruby to keep an eye out for Jarrett.

The Lashleys came from the back. TNA looked back at the TCS Tourney, where Bobby won a future title shot. Scott Steiner then walked from the back, without his partner. After Steiner got in the ring, his partner was introduced…Awesome Kong!

Scott Steiner and Awesome Kong d Bobby and Crystal Lashley
Mixed Tag Team Match

The Finish:

Scott with a big Clothesline. Kong wanted to be tagged in. Kong didn’t wait for a tag. She rushed in and went to Clothesline Bobby. Lashley moved and Steiner took the brunt of the move. Steiner screamed at Kong, which allowed Bobby to jump Steiner from the blind side. Bobby with a T-Bone Suplex. Steiner went to the outside. Crystal patted her hubby on the shoulder, which acted as a tag. Crystal slid in the ring to avoid Steiner. She bumped into Kong, who clubbed her and hit a Scoop Slam. Kong went up top for a Moonsault. Steiner, who was still legal, slid onto Crystal and took the pin. He did faux sexual push-ups on Crystal, until Bobby chased Steiner and Kong away.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: Kong has to play second banana to Steiner? What the heck went wrong with her career?

Lauren was in the back with Samoa Joe. She talked about the return of Feast or Fired at Final Resolution. Samoa Joe was the first of four to get invited to this match. Joe began grumbling about how he was passed over, in favor of Daniels. Joe said he didn’t get a shot at the TCS tourney. Joe said it was a conspiracy against him. James Storm and Robert Roode walked in and talked about being out of shots against the British Invasion’s World tag titles. Storm and Roode put themselves in the match. Storm said that they had double the chances of getting the right case. Roode said it was worth risking the existence of Beer Money for the title shot. Storm said that there was always other choices.

The Beautiful People were complaining in the locker room. They were ticked at Kevin Nash for putting them in a Mud Wrestling Match. Madison Rayne was ticked that she didn’t get asked to play in the mud. Nash talked about how much attention the Beautiful People would get in this match. Nash talked about how this would bring them more money. Nash gave Rayne a skimpy ref swimsuit.

TNA looked at Sting. Sting wasn’t sure if he would continue after Bound For Glory. Sting’s situation was tied into Hogan’s arrival. Dixie Carter said she would give Sting his needed space.Tenay and Taz then sent it to Hogan’s UFC announcement about taking Impact to Monday night. It is unclear if Impact is permanently moving to Mondays or if it’s a one-shot deal.

Lauren chatted with a beer-drinking Tara. During the opening segment, Kevin Nash placed Tara in a street fight against ODB but both women had to imbibe a little nectar of the drunken gods (thanks Bubba Jay). Tara was ticked off at this bizarre Trailer Park Throwdown. Tara said she didn’t like having to drink a six pack but she would to get to ODB. Tara downed the beer and then fell, off-camera. TNA went to break.

Eric Young was interviewed by Christy. She mentioned it would be an intergender match. Eric said he would only do this for his “Brother”, Nash. Eric said he was defending the belt in the US, but not against an American. Eric wanted to see if Hamada was worthy of being in the World Elite. Eric got a few chauvinistic shots in on the Japanese superstar.

Hamada came out to a huge pop. She leaped over the top rope just before the music of Eric Young rang out. This was the first defense of the re-christened Global Championship.

Eric Young d Hamada
Intergender Global Championship match

The two locked up and Eric moved Hamada to the corner. He gave the clean break. They Collar and Elbowed up and moved to the corner. Hamada hit a Spin Kick that sent Eric to the floor. Hamada came out and took the fight to Eric with Kicks and Headbutts. She rolled him back into the ring. Eric retreated to the corner and Booted Hamada, when she rushed him. Eric went up to the top but took a kick to the face. Hamada launched Eric with a Top Rope Huancanrana. Eric barely kicked out. Hamada with the Scoop Slam but missed the Moonsault. Eric used the ropes for leverage in pinning the stunned Hamada.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: Eric just doesn’t work as a serious heel for me. Too many years of Super Eric and “scared rabbit” Eric to take him serious as a villian.

The Beautiful People teased a “wardrobe malfunction” during the mud match. They also teased a lesbian angle, as well.

Mick was still looking for Jeff. He stopped at a bar called Barefoot Charlie’s. Foley was ready to give up and take the Interstate home, when Jarrett spoke up from the corner.

ODB was drinking herself silly, backstage. ODB said she was ready to tear Tara apart.

Tara came out with her spider and a final beer. There were all kinds of “toys” around the ring. Last week, ODB attacked Tara during an interview segment. ODB then came bounding from the back.

ODB d Tara
Trailer Park Throwdown

The Finish:

The two got back in the ring and used the Slingshot to send Tara into a ladder, set in the corner. ODB got a small step-ladder and hit a Splash. ODB choked Tara with a garden hose and a Tiki Torch. Tara flipped ODB out to mid-ring. ODB and Tara traded blows with trash can lids.Tara with a Scoop Slam. Tara placed the can lid across ODB’s ribs and hit the Standing Moonsault. Tara climbed the ropes but fell off. ODB choked Tara with a chain. She finished off Tara with an X-Factor into a steel chair.

Grade: B (for Booze-o-rama)

Jay’s Thoughts: Really? The Knockout Division has sunk to this level? ODB and Tara are two of th better women wrestlers and TNA turns it into Ladies Night at the Bigger Jigger. Pathetic.

Jarrett told Foley that he had been living in Hell for months. Foley said “Double J” couldn’t stay away from wrestling. Jarrett said “Double J” couldn’t but Jeff Jarrett could.

Tenay and Taz talked about the attack on Abyss that Spike would not allow them to show. I jumped over to the website and the footage is brutal. Raven and Dr. Stevie actually set Abyss’s left leg on fire!

Rhino, Jesse Neal and Team 3D came down for the 8-man tag match. Jesse was wearing “The Pope” coat. Brother Ray said it was going to be a Handicap match because D’Angelo Dinero wasn’t available. Matt Morgan, Suicide and Hernandez came out to face the heels.

Brother Ray, Brother Devon, Rhino and Jesse Neal d Hernandez, Suicide and Matt Morgan
7-man Handicap Tag Team match

The Finish:

Suicide was Irish Whipped to the corner but got the boots up. Suicide rocked Devon with a Explosion Dropkick. Suicide and Devon went for tags. Jesse and Hernandez took the tags. Hernandez hit the Springboard Flying Shoulder Tackle on Jesse and then took out his three partners. Hernandez hit a rafters-rocking Back Body Drop on Jesse. Hernandez side-stepped Rhino, who flew out of the ring. Hernandez then took out Devon with a La Bandera Clothesline. Jesse tried to back jump Hernandez. Hernandez nailed The Pounce on Jesse and then took out the other three with a Tope Suicida to the floor. Hernandez came back into the match and hit Dominator. Jesse actually kicked out. Ray hit a BuhBuh Bomb on Hernandez. Morgan nailed the Carbon Footprint on Brother Ray. Rhino with the Rolling Belly to Belly on Morgan. Suicide with the Springboard Missile Dropkick to Rhino. .Devon with the Amazing Grace on Suicide. Devon caught Hernandez on the top rope. Hernandez fought him off and went for the Border Toss. Wow! Jesse Speared Hernandez to take the shock win.

Grade: A

Jay’s Thoughts: Jesse really is starting to come into his own, despite a goofy haircut. The rest of the guys are just walloping in mid-card Hell.

The heels beat down on Hernandez, Suicide and Morgan. The Pope, with a heavily bandaged leg, limped down to the ring to even the sides. The heels bailed as TNA went to break.

TNA ran an old-school video about Tomko So reminded me of Joel Watts’ stuff back int he 1980s.

It was time for the Mud Wrestling Mess…err Match. Tenay and Taz had the announce table covered in tarp and brandished umbrellas. Tenay got in a Gallagher reference in, talking about the potential mess. The Beautiful People arrived for the match.

Velvet Sky d Lacey Von Erich
Eight Sides of Plastic, Mud-wrestling Match
Special Guest Ref: Madison Rayne

The girls slipped and slid around in the muck. The crowd whooped as the girls rolled around. Ok, I’m not going to bother calling actually wrestling moves. Taz did his best Jerry Lawler imitation. Velvet got the actual pin.

Grade: TV-MA

Jay’s Thoughts: My grandsons really liked this match. They were a little disappoointed that there was no wardrobe malfunction. Personally, I found it boring.

Lauren chatted with Jay Lethal. Next week, Jay will bring back the Legends Invitational. Lethal said it was hard to plan for someone he didn’t know. Lethal will face someone, next week. Jay just might find himself with a few “reservations” after next week’s battle (not-so-subtle hint).

Mick was still talking with Jarrett. Mick reminded Jeff that he talked Mick into investing in TNA. Mick felt Dixie put him in jeopardy with the Hogan partnership. Jeff said he put his whole life into TNA for years. Jarrett said the “penalty didn’t fit the crime” for his five-month banishment. Foley struck a nerve when he suggested that someone else might want to raise Jeff’s kids. Jeff told Foley to sit down for more talking.

A.J. Styles came out to face “The Highest Bidder” for a title match. The man who paid Kevin Nash the most money to face Styles was…Desmond Wolfe. Wolfe strolled among the blue fog like Fenrir Greyback from Harry Potter (Guess which movie I got on Tuesday?). Kurt Angle walked down the ramp to join the announce team.

A.J. Styles d Desmond Wolfe
,TNA World Title Match

The Finish:

Wolfe threw Styles with the Trapped Arms Belly to Belly Suplex. Styles fought back but took a Headbutt. Wolfe with a Flying Fore-arm. On a second attempt, Styles hit a Big Boot. Styles with Knife Edge Chops and a Death Valley Driver/Backbreaker. Styles injured his arm on the move. Wolfe flipped Styles over the ropes and to the apron. Styles clubbed Wolfe with the Springboard Flying Fore-arm. Styles went to the ropes and collided with Wolfe. As Wolfe fell, he kicked up into Styles’ groin. Wolfe signed that it was calculated. Wolfe loaded his elbow pad for his Lariat finisher. Daniels ran down and caught Wolfe’s leg. The distraction allowed Styles to School Boy Wolfe into a Bridging Pin to retain.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: I think this was a foolish idea. Wolfe’s momentum just hit the wall. Wolfe should have been allowed to build up to a title shot. Daniels was unnecessary for this one.

Daniels screamed that he was supposed to be the World Champ. Wolfe went out to get in Daniels’ face. Daniels shoved Wolfe and the fight was on. Kurt cheered for Daniels as the crowd yelled “Let Them Fight”. TNA didn’t

Jeff and Mick continued to hat. Jeff wasn’t sure if he should talk to Dixie. Mick said it was time for the healing to start. Jeff mentioned Kurt (since Jeff has an on-going relationship with Kurt’s ex-wife, Karen Angle). Mick said Jeff founded TNA and Dixie respected that. She knew that there would be no TNA without Jeff. Mick suggested that Jeff come to the Impact Zone, next week, and start anew. Jeff said “Let’s do this!” Fade out.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: Jarrett showing up, next week, should be interesting. TNA does seem to be spinning its wheels. Putting Nash in charge didn’t do quite the damage I expected. TNA will likely play it safe until January.

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(12/11/2009)