The Impact (12/3) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The TNA (12/3) iMPAC Insight
Our resident philosopher looks at a chaotic edition of TNA Impact.

Dixie Carter had more to share with the fans. Also, The Pope reached out to an old enemy. The newest member of the World Elite would partner with the group’s leader to face James Storm and Robert Roode.

The show opened with a look at Hulk Hogan coming to TNA. Mick Foley is freaked about Hogan coming in to take Foley’s spot. Foley also knows that Hogan is bringing friends to the party.

This Week’s Episode: Sexy’s Got a Secret?

Dixie planned to talk about Hogan, Sting and Jeff Jarrett.

Desmond Wolfe was inside the Six Sides of Steel. He wanted to set the record straight. Wolfe complained that Angle used an illegal submission move. Wolfe pulled the old Roddy Piper “Changing the Questions” quote. Wolfe kept calling Kurt “Mr. Mangled”. Wolfe said he had it planned to get Angle counted out, last week. Wolfe said he was ready to end Angle. Wolfe unveiled his “Three Degrees of Pain”. for Final Resolution. Match one would be standard pinfall. Match two would be a submission match. Match three, if needed, would be an Escape the Cage. Wolfe told Angle to come down and talk with him.

Kurt Angle came to the top of the stage. Kurt said he learned to always be prepared. Kurt wondered why he shouldn’t come down to the ring and kick Wolfe’s *ss. Kurt decided he should. Wolfe had locked himself in the cage. Kurt just climbed over the top. Kurt tore into Wolfe with punches and an European Uppercut. Wolfe slipped on a pair of brass knuckles and clocked Kurt. Wolfe ran Kurt into the steel wall of the cage, several times. The crowd called Wolfe a “Wanker” in a sing-song chant. Wolfe unlocked the cage and walked up the ramp. TNA went to break.

JB talked with Mick Foley. Foley was ticked that Dixie Carter wouldn’t call him back. Kurt rushed in and demanded to face Wolfe, on this show. Foley whined about his situation but Kurt ticked him off. Foley said he would make the match, if Kurt told him what he knew about the Dixie/Hulk relationship. Kurt accused Foley of being jealous of Hogan. Foley tripped out at the thought.

Back at ringside, Doug Williams, along with Brutus Magnus and Big Rob Terry, showed up for the first “official” match of the night. Alex Shelley was his opponent. Chris Sabin was alongside his partner. Before the match started, the ref told everyone, except the two scheduled battlers, to head tothe back. Brutus Magnus jumped Chris Sabin and they fought all the way our of sight.

Alex Shelley d Doug Williams

The Finish:

Williams with a Headbutt, into an Irish Whip. Shelley avoided a charge and hit an Enziguri. Standing Switch in the middle of the ring. Williams Bum Rushed Shelley into the corner and tried for what Mike Tenay called the “Chaos Theory” finisher (Roll-Up into a Back Suplex) but Shelley blocked it. Shelley hit several kicks and then finished off Doug Williams with the Sliced Bread #2.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts:The Motor City Machine Guns and British Invasion should steal the show, anywhere they battle. Shelley and Williams are both so underrated.

In the back, D’Angelo “The Pope” Dinero came up to Suicide. Suicide was ready for a fight. Dinero talked about the 8-man match at Final Resolution. On one side, Team 3D would team with Rhino and Jesse Neal. On the other side, Dinero would team with Hernandez and Matt Morgan, as well as a fourth member. Dinero said he nominated Suicide to be the fourth man. Suicide didn’t respect or trust Dinero. Dinero agreed that they had had some incredible matches. Dinero talked about Suicide putting him through the table. Dinero gave a piece of the table to Suicide as a peace offering. Dinero wanted Suicide to consider joining their team.

D’Lo Brown was in Foley’s office. Foley wanted to know what D’Lo knew about Hogan. D’Lo said Hogan always treated him with respect. D’Lo said that Hogan was coming into TNA, to help TNA, period. D’Lo asked to be released to go back to his work duties. Foley had a minor meltdown.

Homicide came out for the next match. His opponent was Suicide.The “Dark Savior” ran down to the ring.

Suicide d Homicide

The Finish:

Homicide hit the European Uppercut. Homicide with the Irish Whip but Suicide slid around into the Go Behind. Homicide with the Standing Switch into a School Boy. Suicide got free and hit the Dropkick. Suicide called for his finisher. He took too much time and Homicide blocked the move. He tried for the Gringo Killa, but Suicide powered out. Suicide surprised Homicide with a simple Backslide to take the win.

Grade: B+

Homicide jumped Suicide after the match. he tried to remove the skull mask after a series of Crossfaces. The Pope ran down to protect Suicide’s identity. Suicide was confused by Dinero’s appearance. Dinero offered his hand in friendship. The lights went out and TNA went to break.

Jay’s Thoughts: I’d still like to see a forced alliance between Homicide and Suicide. I could see Homicide forcing Suicide to partner with him to save his secret identity.

ODB was being prepped for his Trash Talking segment. ODB was just about to burst out of his too-small top.

The Beautiful People were walking backstage. They were talking about Meanest Girls, Part 3. They ran into Daniels. He had some ideas for their next “project”. They left together to discuss it.

At ringside, Tenay and Taz talked about the Carter interview. That led to the ODB segment. Her guest was Tara. Tara was excited about their upcoming match. ODB said to keep it real. ODB said Tara was a Diva in the WWE until she showed up in TNA. ODB accused Tara of sleeping her way to the top. Tara said she broke her two-year contract in WWE to come to TNA. Tara got emotional when it came to talking about training the “Barbie Dolls” and having to wear the Sumo suit. ODB jumped Tara and beat on her. ODB screamed that Tara was a has-been that didn’t belong in the Knockout Division.

Jesse Neal came out to a weird new video and a hard rocking theme. he got rid of his old gear for a new actual pair of tights and boots. He opponent was The Pope.

The Pope d Jesse Neal

The Finish:

Pope kicked and punched out of the corner. Neal reversed an Irish Whip into a Running Clothesline. Neal followed up with a Back Elbow. Neal choked Pope on the ropes and screamed that he would rip Pope’s face off. Neal kicked Pope and lifted him in a Ventura Bodyvise. He then flipped Pope over into a Shoulder Breaker. Neal punched away and Irish Whipped Pope to the corner. Neal missed a Splash and Pope kicked him in the ribs. Pope nailed an Uppercut that dropped Neal like a bad habit. Pope dropped the kneepads and set for the D-D-E.

Grade: B+

Neal jumped Dinero after the match and Speared him. The lights went out and suddenly Suicide came off the top rope with the Missile Dropkick. Pope was surprised to see Suicide. Suicide offered his hand, which Pope accepted. Rhino and Team 3D then ran out. Morgan and Hernandez evened the sides by running to the ring. The heels took off.

Jay’s Thoughts: Jesse just doesn’t work for me, period. I hated the whole military sympathy bit and the Shannon Moore-rip-off is even worse.

Kevin Nash stood with Eric Young, in the back. Nash is the newest member of the World Elite The two would battle Beer Money, later in the show.

TNA ran another Hogan promo video. Hogan talked about knowing about the business of wrestling. Hogan said TNA would become the number one wrestling company.

Young and Nash arrived for the Hour Turner match of the week. TNA showed Nash’s attack on Beer Money at Turning Point. Beer Money then arrived for the battle. Storm was on the Boozer Cruizer. I’ve told my daughters that I want one of those for Christmas, filled with diet soda, of course.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young d Beer Money, Inc.

The Finish:

Storm got the tag and went to town on Eric. He nailed a nasty Clothesline and a mile-high Back Body Drop. Storm then attacked Nash. Storm hit a Flying Fore-arm on Nash. Storm then went back to Eric and hit the BackStabber. Nash made the save. Roode hit the Buffbuster on Nash. Storm lifted Eric into the Eye of the Storm to get a two count. Roode got rammed into the corner post. Storm “Tuned up the Band” but Nash grabbed the leg. The ref turned to lecture Nash and Eric slipped in with the Low Blow. Eric polished off Storm with the Piledriver.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: I’m not sure what to think about Nash and Young. I honestly think Nash can help push Eric to the next level. I’m just not sure Eric deserves to go there. He’s a fantastic mid-carder and should be happy with that role.

Foley came out to take care of business. Foley knew that Nash had all the answers. Nash said he didn’t want to flaunt his authority, so he simply wanted to ask Nash what was going on. Foley wanted to know exactly why Hogan was coming too TNA. Nash started off by insulting Foley and warning him that he would be looking for a new job, soon. Foley wanted to know what the relationship between Hogan and Carter was. Nash told Foley to call Hogan but Mick didn’t have Hulk’s number. Nash said “The Boss” was coming and they were thinking about “Putting the Band back together”. Hmmm…Foley may find that there is “NoWayOut” of this coming of Hogan.

Bobby Lashley and Crystal Lashley came down to the ring. Bobby won the TCS Tournament, last week. Tenay and Taz talked about Bobby’s problems with Scott Steiner. Crystal called Scott “Sick, delusional and obsessed”. Crystal said she never planned to be part of the show. Crystal said Bobby would not be responsible for his actions. Crystal said when she barks, Bobby bites. Crystal said the “big dog” would eat Steiner at Final Resolution.

Lauren talked with Daniels. He was set to face Abyss. Daniels dedicated this week’s match to his “buddy”, A.J. Styles. Daniels was determined to take Styles’ World title.

A.J. Styles came out to join the announce team for the next match. Styles sent a shout out to Sting and asked him to please call him to let him know he was ok. Daniels then walked out to the ring. Daniels stared at Styles. After Daniels entered the ring, Abyss’ Demon Circus music rang out. The Monster then slowly walked down to the ring.

Daniels d Abyss

TNA looked back at Abyss’ throat injury. Daniels danced around to avoid Abyss’ grasp. Daniels mocked Abyss and then hid in the ropes. Daniels went for the Single Leg Takedown but Abyss swatted him away. Daniels called for the Knucklelock but Abyss just twisted the hand. Daniels with a Side Headlock but Abyss lifted Daniels and dropped him. Daniels slapped Abyss in the face. Daniels bailed out of the ring and ran around the ring. When they got back in the ring, Abyss hit the Big Boot and a Press Slam. Abyss hit the Corner Splash and tried for Shock Treatment. Daniels got free. Daniels pointed to the Tron. The Beautiful People attack Lauren. Daniels hit a Low Blow into a Side Roll to take the cheat win.

Grade: C

Daniels invited Styles into the ring. A guy all dressed in black jumped Styles before he could get in the ring.

Jay’s Thoughts: I’m pretty sure I know who’s under the mask. I think it just might be a former California native that has been wrestling, off and on, for decades.

Tenay and Taz ran down the updated Final Resolution Pay-per-View card.

Tenay talked with Dixie Carter. She started by saying that she wanted to keep everyone motivated. Dixie said she didn’t want her meeting aired on TNA, originally. Tenay then asked about Sting. Sting asked about Dixie bringing in Hogan. Dixie wanted to give Sting his space. Tenay asked about Jeff Jarrett. Dixie glossed over the Jarrett/Karen Angle issue. Dixie said Jarrett was put on “Administrative Leave”. Tenay wanted to know about the things that led up to Hogan joining the company. Hogan flew to Nashville and talked with Dixie for hours. Dixie said it was an easy negotiation. Dixie said Hogan would bring the needed exposure to the company.Tenay then wanted to know Hogan’s role would be in TNA. Dixie skirted the question, basically saying he would be working with her. Dixie said that her troops were united in the goal to make history with TNA. Dixie said she was serious about taking TNA to the next level.

It was time for another Hogan promo video.

Desmond Wolfe came into Foley’s office and talked about what a fan he was of Foley. Wolfe said he took it upon himself to attack Angle. Wolfe had a problem with Foley giving Kurt an instant title shot. Foley said that Wolfe wouldn’t having Kurt and Wolfe wrestling, because Foley had other ideas. Foley called Jeff Jarrett. Jeff said he was done with TNA, four months ago. He said “Screw You and Screw TNA”. Wow.

Hamada came out for the next match. She faced Sarita.

Hamada d Sarita

The Finish:

Hamada went for the Hamada Driver but Sarita converted it into a Small Package. When Hamada kicked out, Sarita hit the Float Over DDT. Hamada still kicked out. Sarita with a Back Heel Trip into a submission ankle lock. Hamada rolled through into a Torpedo Roll pin attempt. Hamada with a pair of Jumping Spin Kicks. Hamada played it up to the crowd. Hamada nailed the Hamada Driver to take the win.

Grade: A

Jay’s Thoughts: Great match. Hamada and Sarita put on a heck of a show. Hamada needs a good partner to go after Sarita and Taylor Wilde.

Styles was screaming at JB. He wanted to know who the masked man was. Behind Styles was a picture of Sting. Could it be? Hmmm…

Kurt Angle was officially introduced. He walked down to the ring.Foley’s music then rang out. Foley asked for his music to be quieted. Foley said that since Kurt didn’t tell him what he knew about Hogan. Foley said Kurt would face Dr. Stevie and Raven in a Handicap Match. Dr. Stevie, Raven and Daffney then came out together.

Kurt Angle d Dr. Stevie and Raven
Handicap Match

The Finish:

Kurt ducked a Stereo Clothesline and then hit a Double Clothesline on his opponents. Daffney shrieked at her charges. Kurt hit Clotheslines on both men and German Suplexes on both. Kurt pounded on Raven and then used the La Bandera Clothesline on Dr. Stevie. Stevie hurt his arm on the landing. Raven hit a Flying Clothesline. Abyss walked out and hit the Black Hole Slam, on the ramp. Raven was distracted and Kurt was able to grab the AngleLock. Raven tapped instantly.

Grade: B-

Desmond Wolfe slid in the ring. He surprised Kurt with an Inside Keylock Driver (Thanks, Taz). Kurt was out. The wolf howl echoed off the walls.

Jay’s Thoughts: This feud is building to be one of the best in TNA, if not the business. This is a make-or-break feud for Wolfe.

Final Grade: B+

Final Thoughts: TNA is still teasing Hogan’s arrival. My thoughts are: Get on with it! I really think Hogan is going to kill TNA. He helped take out WCW, so why not let history repeat itself. Jeff Jarrett goes off and plays house with Karen Angle and now he gets to come back and act all grumpy about Hogan or Foley or someone. Whatever. Jarrett will probably buddy up to Hogan, in the end, and TNA will suffer.

Peace

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(12/5/09)