The Impact (4/16) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The Impact Insight for 04/16/2009
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, debuts his new weekly column. Jay takes a look at the lead-in to Lockdown episode of TNA Impact.

TNA was three days out from Lockdown. The final piece of the puzzle flew in on Angel’s Wings to complete Team Jarrett. Mick Foley had a major interview with his own alter-ego, Cactus Jack. In addition, a few old Philly faces showed up to make things extreme.

The show opened with a look at Team Jarrett v Team Angle. The final Lethal Lockdown Advantage Match would happen between Kevin Nash and Jarrett’s mystery partner.

Tonight’s Episode: Jeff Jarrett’s Dilemma

A.J. Styles walked out in street clothes with mic in hand. Styles had a problem with his loss to Scott Steiner, two weeks ago. Styles has heard rumors that Jarrett’s loyalty were in question. He wanted to make sure that Jarrett was “on the same page” as the Frontline.

Jeff Jarrett came out to talk with Styles. Styles told Jeff that he knew that Jeff was under a lot of pressure. Styles wanted to know if Jeff was going to be on his side when the cage top lowered and the weapons came into being. Jeff was insulted by Styles’ question. Jeff never actually answered the question. Jeff wanted to know where the trust was. Jeff reminded Styles that he (Jeff) brought A.J. into TNA. Jeff said A.J. “had a lot of balls” for questioning him. Styles tried to apologize but Jeff cut him off. Jeff said that the 4th member of Team Jarrett was a former TNA Champion.

The Main Event Mafia walked out to enjoy the dissension of Team Jarrett. Kurt sympathized with Jeff about all the troubles that Jeff has faced. Kurt said Kevin Nash was not able to wrestle, due to his elbow issue. Kurt asked to take Kevin’s place in the match. Styles demanded a forfeit in the match. Kurt taunted Jeff by talking about Styles being in charge. Jeff said that there would be a match, tonight. Jeff was happy that Kurt was honest with him about Kevin’s situation. Jeff allowed Kurt to proxy for Kevin. Kurt would learn his opponent’s identity, later.

TNA ran a promo for Suicide. TNA’s had to do a little substituting of the man under the mask, but the original Suicide has recovered from his injury and is back on Sunday.

Lauren talked with Sheik Abdul Bashir. Bashir, Kiyoshi and No Limit were tired of being the victim. I still like calling them the International Legion.

Chris Sabin, along with Alex Shelley, came out for a Triple Threat match. His first opponent was Homicide of LAX. Hernandez was in Homicide’s corner. The participant in this battle was Naito of No Limit. Yujiro, Bashir and Kiyoshi stood in the young Japanese star’s corner.

Homicide d Naito and Chris Sabin
Triple Threat X-Division Match

The Finish:

Sabin tried for the Cradle Shock but Naito kicked the ribs to stop the finisher. Sabin nailed a Standing Tornado DDT on Naito, which also allowed him to kick Homicide in the face on the way through. Sabin whipped Naito to the corner and then blasted him with a Running Boot. Sabin sat Naito on the top rope. Homicide shoved Sabin off the ropes and then nailed, what is now being called, the 187 (Gringo Kutta) off the ropes. Homicide easily pinned Naito.

Grade: A+
Jay’s Thoughts: The X-division shows up anything that the WWE is currently offering. WWE dropped the ball when they eliminated the Cruiserweight division. Homicide is one of the most underrated of the TNA stars. He’s gotten lsot in the whole LAX team. He needs to branch out and take the X-Title from Suicide, or whoever has it on Monday.

Outside, a cab pulled up. Balls Mahoney and Brother Runt stepped out!

Abyss was in Jim Cornette‘s office. As Jim and Abyss started to talk about Dr. Stevie, ODB stormed in and grumbled about being in a cage match. ODB also whined about not having a match on TNA TV in a while. Jim told Abyss to find a Knockout and ODB to find a male partner. Cody Deaner volunteered to help ODB.

Mike Tenay talked with Jeff Jarrett about Mick Foley. Jeff talked about the 20 year friendship between the two. Tenay talked how Jeff tried to sway Sting away from the Main Event Mafia. Foley sabotaged that plan with the chair shot to Sting’s head. Tenay talked about one of t he matched on the new Jarrett DVD that had him facing Cactus Jack. Jeff said that he was never sure if Foley or Jack would show up. Tenay then wanted to know the status of his relationship with Scott Steiner. Jeff said that he and Scott were tight. Scott was always his late wife, Jill’s, favorite of Jeff’s wrestling friend. Scott is good friends with Jeff’s kids. Jeff said that he needed to put all friendships aside and take care of Jeff. Huh?

JB talked with the Main Event Mafia. JB wanted to know if Kurt had any clue who he would face, later tonight. Kurt said he didn’t know…and didn’t care. Kurt said he would beat the person, whoever he is. Kurt said he was money.

TNA ran a promo for the Beautiful People and their penchant to do a Brutus Beefcake impression with all the haircutting. That led to a six-Knockout tag match. Call this the Strange Bedfellows Match. Taylor Wilde was joined by Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong to battle Mi Pi Sexy aka the Beautiful People.

Taylor Wilde, Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong d Angelina Love, Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne
Six Diva Knockout Match

The girls started fighting on the ramp. It was total chaos in the ring. The Beautiful People got stomped. Kong attacked Love. Love came back with a pair of Bicycle Kicks. Kong took out Angelina Love with an Impact Buster in less than a minute.

Grade: D
Jay’s Thoughts: What a waste of TV time. The Knockouts division started with such promise, only to fade into chaotic comedy skits. Who decided that Love and Sky would be called the Beautiful People? They are phonier than a $3 bill. Beauty is more evident in Roxxi or Daffney. If TNA was going to do a Date your Favorite Knockout, I’d be asking for Roxxi, Kong or Daffney, not the Plastic Princesses.

Kong went for the scissors. Rayne and Sky attacked Kong The three beat down on Kong and kept Saeed and Wilde out of the ring. Rayne strapped the Knockout belt on the top rope. They then used Flapjacks to send both Saeed and Wilde, which they had allowed back in the ring, into the belt! Kong came back to fight all three women. Love sprayed something into Kong’s eyes. Love cracked Kong’s skull with the championship belt. Love then actually cut the Dreadlocks of Kong! Kong was out cold. Love is going to get squashed on Sunday, count on it.

In the locker room, Kong was going berserk. She shrieked and threw things around. West and Tenay questioned the logic of getting Kong this angry. West then ran down some upcoming shows.

Another Rough Cut segment talked about Team 3D and their relationship with IWGP/New Japan. Ray and Devon showed major respect to the Japanese promotion. Ray called their match against Beer Money on Sunday the “battle for World Tag Team Domination”. Ray talked about the Philly crowd’s hostility toward Beer Money.

Lauren talked with Ray and Devon. Ray said that this match will determine the best tag team in history. Runt came in to talk to his “brothers”. Balls Mahoney came in to party with his old friends. They made fun of Balls’ penchant to chase women. Balls talked about how “the family” changed things. He ran down a bunch of ECW names, even Heyman. Balls dissed Paul when the name was mentioned with a hand wave. Balls talked about all the blood that was spilled. Balls and Runt had an indy show to go to but they wanted to wish luck to their brothers in blood.

ODB and Cody Deaner came out for the Hour Turner match of the night. They should learn the old phrase “Surprises should be for birthdays and Christmas”. Any other time, they tend to bite you in the backside. The Redneck Romancers definitely got bit when Abyss arrived with his partner…Daffney. Daffney was billed from Sybil, Texas. Too Funny to use such a obscure reference.

Abyss & Daffney d ODB & Cody Deaner
Mixed tag team match

The match turned into a major comedy skit when Abyss tagged in against Cody Deaner. ODB wanted to fight Abyss but the ref wouldn’t allow it. Eventually, Cody Deaner came in. He acted like every drunk hillbilly that I ever saw at the Old Top Rail bar back in Dallas. He acted all big and bad, popping Abyss in the head. Abyss shrugged the slaps off. Cody flipped his baseball cap around and then Abyss slapped the hat right off Cody’s head. Abyss caught Cody with an Open Hand Slap. Abyss ended the Three Stooges tribute with the Black Hole Slam.

Grade: C
Jay’s Thoughts: Cody Deaner is about seriously annoying. H erminds we of an idiot I knew back in Texas named David. He was the same cocky hillbilly with the personality of a ground hog. I realize that his Cooter character was meant as an off-set to the Trailer Park Barbie, ODB, but he is really such a horrific stereotype.

After the match, Matt Morgan slipped into the ring and attacked Abyss. Morgan kicked and stomped at Abyss. Abyss fought back with hard fists. Morgan dropped Abyss with the Carbon Footprint. Morgan grinned.

Before Foley came out to embarrass himself, JB talked with Scott Steiner. JB wanted to know what Scott was saying to Jeff Jarrett. Scott refused to talk about what he was saying to Jeff. Scott said that Jeff’s actions, tonight, would do all the talking. I love cryptic comments.

In one of the dumbest segments in TNA history, Mick Foley came out and sat down on a director’s chair. He kept flipping back and forth between Foley and Cactus Jack. Jack talked about all the times that he put himself on the line so the cowardly, spineless Foley could get all the credit. Jack began to beat up Foley (ok, this is just too bizarre). Thankfully, Sting came out to stop this silliness.

Sting wasn’t sure if Foley believed that he and Jack were actually two different people. Sting accused Foley of turning their friendship into a three ring circus. Sting tried to talk sense to Foley but Foley just stayed quiet. Sting said he was not intimidated by Foley’s actions. Sting said it doesn’t matter. Cactus Jack said that he was seeing the right Sting. Jack started talking about JR and the old days. Jack said that Cactus Jack chants tend to throw Sting off his game.

The music of the Main Event Mafia sounded off. Sting turned to look for his Brothers in Arms. It was a trick to throw Sting off his game. Jack attacked Sting. He hit an Elbow Drop, while holding a chair. Jack talked about being able to run any music he wanted. He played the Curry Man music (hmm?) and then Shark Boy. He finished things off with Sting’s own music.Jack kept kicking Sting’s head as the music changed.

Segment Grade: F
Jay’s Thoughts: Mick Foley’s current storyline is lame, period. He doesn’t know if he wants to be Bozo the Clown or Leatherface. He needs to pick one character and stick with it. I’m expecting Sting to totally thrash Foley on Sunday.

Foley went out an got Barbie, the barbed wire bat, and stood over Sting. Jack said “I run this place and I can do anything I damn well want to… Have a nice Day”.

In the backstage area, Beer Money attacked Runt and Balls Mahoney. Roode and Storm dragged the Hardcorers out to the ringside area. Balls was already busted open. Storm Hip Tossed Runt, on the floor. Balls was in the ring with the Balls o Fun until Storm interjected himself. Roode clocked Balls with a vicious chair shot. Storm set Runt into a Backwards Sullivan Tree of Woe (over the outside ropes). Storm bashed Runt with a steel chair. Roode cracked the skull of Balls with a second chair shot. Runt was busted open. Storm hit the Orton Drop off the ropes onto a steel chair. Roode went out to get a table as Storm smashed a chair into Runt’s head. Roode sat on the corner turnbuckle. Storm lifted Runt up into the Team 3D Corner Powerbomb through a table. Finally, Team 3D ran out to help their “family”.

After a break, Ray went off on Beer Money. Ray demanded that Roode and Storm come out so they could talk, face to face. Ray called Roode and Storm “dirty bastards’. Ray wanted to know why Beer Money would do this. Roode answered “Because we can”. Ray called for a Philly Street Fight. The fans know could get involved in beating the bejesus out of Roode and Storm. Welcome to Hell, boys.

West and Tenay ran down the lineup for Lockdown. Should be a decent card. I’ll have my predictions in a another column, tomorrow.

Lauren talked with A.J. Styles. She wanted to know if Styles had any idea who Jeff was going to choose. Styles was confused about Jeff’s actions, as of late. The two waited to see who the fourth member would be. Jeff walked backstage. He would open the Heavens to unveil the surprise…next.

After a promo for Team Jarrett v Team Angle, Kurt Angle arrived for his match. Jeff Jarrett then walked out to announce his surprise partner. Jeff talked about how the person he chose should dispel any doubts about where his loyalties lie in TNA. Jeff then called out…”The Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels! Kurt looked both confused and concerned. Styles was ecstatic in the back.

Kurt Angle v Christopher Daniels
Lethal Lockdown Advantage Match

The Finish, Part One

Kurt went for the Angleslam but Daniels countered with the Arm Drag. Daniels came back with the Step-up Enziguri. Daniels locked the leg of Kurt and hit a modified Perfectplex. Daniels missed the Top Rope Moonsault and Kurt nailed the Three Amigos Triple Back Suplex combo. Kurt released Daniels on the third Suplex. Daniels kicked out and Kurt threw a fit. Kurt hit a series of European Uppercuts. On the third Uppercut, Daniel converted it into a Backslide. Kurt kicked out and hit the Angleslam. Daniels kicked out. Kurt grabbed the AngleLock but Daniels spun in and kicked free. Daniels grabbed Kurt, spun him around and pinned him with an Inverted School Boy Rollup. Kurt got his shoulder up at two but the ref didn’t see it. He counted down Kurt Angle!

Your Winner: Christopher Daniels.

Kurt was beyond livid at the decision.Styles came in the ring and celebrated with his old friend. Kurt went off on Rudy Charles, the ref. Jim Cornette came out and confronted Kurt. Jim tried to calm Kurt down. Jim said he saw something different than Rudy Charles. Kurt demanded that the decision be reversed. Kurt pushed his luck when he called Jim a “stupid son of a b*tch” and spat in his face. Jim then told Kurt that the decision would stand. Kurt exploded as he screamed for Jeff Jarrett. TNA went to a final break.

The Finish, Part Two

The entire Mafia, sans Sting, were in the ring waiting for Jeff Jarrett. Kurt demanded that Jeff made things right. Jeff came out and told Daniels and Styles that he would handle it. Jeff told Booker to “shut the hell up when I’m talking”. Jeff told Kurt that he watched the replay, several times. Jeff had them rolled the tape. On the reverse angle, it was cleared that Daniels’ shoulders were down and Kurt lifted his, just before the three count. Jeff then reversed the decision, so…

Your Winner: Kurt Angle

Daniels and Styles were absolutely beside themselves at Jarrett’s call. Suddenly, Samoa Joe stormed from the back. TNA went to black as Joe came to the ring.

Grade: A-
Jay’s Thoughts: Great to see Daniels get rid of that dumb Curry Man mask. He really looked good in this one. Kurt might be a train wreck, as a person, but he’s a machine in the ring. He and Christopher Daniels put on a heck of a show. The ending was the only thing that knocked the rating down a couple of notches. Daniels’ return should help boost the ratings.

Final Grade: B+
Final Thoughts: TNA had one of its better shows, this week. Lockdown should be a great show. Sadly, many WWE fans spent the majority of their PPV budget on Wrestlemania. Don’t expect all that many surprises, but it should be a good card.

Peace

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(4/17/09)