November 2, 2009 – Worcester, Massachusetts
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
IN THE RING
Ozzy Osbourne & Sharon Osbourne + Mike Mizanin + Legacy (Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes) + The Big Show + DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels): The show started with Ozzy & Sharon in the ring soaking in the fan response. Michael Cole called him the Godfather of Heavy Metal. This guy was made for the wrestling audience. Ozzy yelled “welcome to Monday Night RAW! All aboard.. HAHAHAHA!!!” Sharon took the mic and showed footage of Ozzy accompanying the British Bulldogs to the ring at WrestleMania 2 and clips from his perforance on RAW a few years ago. Ozzy loved watching clips of himself in WWE, but admitted that he didn’t remember any of it! Sharon said tonight was going to be one crazy night, but they were immediately interrupted by Mike “the Miz” Mizanin. The Miz got into a “REALLY!” contest with Sharon. The Miz said he was a bigger star than Ozzy and his entire family combined. Sharon gave one too many REALLY’s. The Miz complained about losing to Evan Bourne by countout last week, and asked the Osbournes to overturn that decision and strike it from the record book. Ozzy asked “who the bloody hell are you?” The Miz and Ozzy started yelling at each other and it looked like Ozzy was going to bite the Miz’s head off when Legacy (Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes) showed up. Rhodes said the Miz’s complaint was petty, but they have a real problem. DiBiase complained about Kofi Kingston smashing the one-of-kind Nascar that they gave to Randy Orton last week. Rhodes asked for a 2-on-1 handicap match with Kingston tonight! The Miz said Ozzy & Sharon were going to deal with him first. Sharon said “REALLY?” Next, the Big Show walked to the ring and told Ozzy not to listen to the whiners. Big Show said he was physically assaulted by the entire roster last week, and demanded an apology. Ozzy said “I’m so sorry!” Big Show said he didn’t want an apology from Ozzy, he wanted one from the whole roster, and if he didn’t get one they would each get one of ‘these’. Big Show held up his fist to Ozzy’s face, and he shouted “SHARON!!” Hilarious. Finally DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) showed up. Triple H called Miz, Legacy, and Big Show a bunch of ratings killers. DX plugged Ozzy’s book “I AM OZZY” as well as their own DX book available at WWEShop.com – – Triple H said they were going to give everybody exactly what they wanted. Triple H whispered in Ozzy’s ear, and Ozzy pointed at the Miz and said “he’s going to wrestle Evan Brawn (sic) tonight…. for the U.S. title!” Shawn Michaels plugged WrestleMania 26 tickets going on sale this Saturday. Shawn whispered in Sharon’s ear and she said “tonight it will be Kobi (sic) Kingston facing his opponent Randy Orton!” Triple H said they didn’t forget Big Show, who said he wanted a warm-up for Survivor Series – suggesting Cena vs. HHH vs. Michaels in a triple threat match. Big Show whispered in Ozzy’s ear, and Ozzy said “tonight there will be a triple threat match with John Cena…” but then Triple H got in his ear and Ozzy finished by saying “against Chris Jericho and Big Show!”
Josh Mathews & “The Celtic Warrior” Sheamus: Sheamus said Ozzy Osbourne’s career should have been over a long time ago. Sheamus added that after he’s finished with Jamie Noble, HIS career will be over!
Sheamus destroyed Jamie Nonle: Sheamus destroyed Jamie Noble and refused to let up, so the referee stopped the match. They didn’t say if there was a disqualification, or whatever. Sheamus picked up Noble and gave him a bone-shattering power-bomb right on the ringside floor! Noble was making unnatural sounds of pain… They loaded Noble onto a stretcher with a neck brace and carried him away from the ring… Editor’s Note: That really was quite vicious, but I hope Noble is okay..
Josh Mathews & Kofi Kingston: Kofi Kingston said he destroyed Randy Orton’s career last week, but there was one thing he didn’t destroy. It was the one thing Orton needs, and that was the mirror, so he could look in it and see exactly why he is no longer the champion..
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston ended in a No Contest: The match ended when Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes ran down to help Randy Orton. Kofi Kingston did a running dive through the ropes onto all three members of Legacy. Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne came up on the big screen and turned the match into a six man tag team match! Ozzy yelled “let the madness begin!”
SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH
Kofi Kingston & Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry defeated Randy Orton & Legacy (Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes):
IN THE RING (RAW’S GOT TALENT)
Jerry Lawler + Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne + The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh + Santino Marella + Chris Masters + Chavo Guerrero & Jillian Hall + Jackswoggle: Jerry Lawler was playing the part of guest moderator, while Ozzy, Sharon, and the injured Great Khali were the official judges. Khali said he had a huge crush on the Osbourne’s daughter, Kelly (who is currently on Dancing With the Stars). Lawler introduced Santino Marella, who came out to sing Ozzy’s hit song “bark at the moon.” Santino said he wouldn’t sing “bark at the moon” because he was not a dog. Santino said for his talent he was going to bite the head off a bat.. MAN! Santino took out a Batman action figure and bit its head off! They buzzed him, and Sharon called it RUBBISH! Lawler introduced Chris Masters to do a special performance art-piece to one of Ozzy’s hit songs. Masters came out and danced his pecs (boobs) to the tune of Crazy Horse! Ozzy got a huge kick out of that, but yelled “get that man a bra!” Khali said he found it oddly mezmerizing, and Sharon agreed. Lawler introduced Chavo Guerrero & Jillian Hall to sing a duet like Ozzy and Lita Ford. Jillian started to sing and Ozzy looked disgusted and offended. Chavo’s voice didn’t impress either. They got buzzed, and Jillian said Sharon has always been jealous of Lita Ford. Jillian said she wasn’t a fan of Ozzy, she just said that to get an opportunity. Sharon challenged Jillian (the cow) to come to the ring, so Jillian came down singing Britney Spears in Sharon’s face! Sharon rose to her feet and slapped Jillian across the face! Ozzy stood up and worshipped his wife, Sharon. Chavo told Ozzy to control his wife, and he told Chavo to try because he can’t! Chavo got in Sharon’s face until the Great Khali stood up in her defense. Khali chopped Chavo down on his ass! Hornswoggle ran down dressed as the Osbourne’s son, Jack (well it’s how Jack used to look), and gave Chavo a Tadpole Splash! Ozzy & Sharon were having a great time watching all of this unfold…
6-DIVA #1 CONTENDERS BATTLE ROYAL
Alicia Fox defeated Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres and Bri Bella and Nikki Bella: They showed WWE Divas champion Melina Perez watching the monitor backstage. Gail Kim was the first Diva eliminated, even though she has more talent then all five of the other Divas combined. It’s too bad she sacrificed passion (TNA) for money (WWE). Seriously, this has to be the worst group of talent in the history of wrestling. Jack Swagger made his way to ringside to stalk Eve Torres. Eve eliminated both of the Bella Twins! Eve made eye contact with Swagger, and she looked a bit creeped out. Alicia dumped Eve out of the ring, leaving Alicia vs. Kelly as the final two. Kelly did her flipping elbow in the corner, but Alicia caught her and hoisted her over the top rope to win the match! Alicia will face WWE Diva’s champion Melina – at Survivor Series?
RINGSIDE: Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler gave an update on Jamie Noble, and showed clips of the vicious power-bomb by Sheamus. They said they were still working on Noble, but he has some serious neck and back injuries.
Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne + Chris Jericho: Ozzy & Sharon were snuggling backstage when they were confronted by Unified Tag Team champion Chris Jericho. Jericho said the Osbourne’s were making a mochery of RAW just like all of the other guests hosts. Jericho said if they were looking for talent, he has the most talent of anybody on the RAW roster. Jericho said when he was younger he was the biggest fan of Ozzy Osbourne. Jericho said he grew out his hair and begged for the adolation of the fans. Jericho said he realized he didn’t need the hipocrites and parasites because he was better than the fans. Jericho said now he was better than Ozzy, and if either one of them ever disrespects him again that will be the ultimate sin. Jericho left and Ozzy asked Sharon who that guy was…
DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) & Hornswoggle + John Cena: DX found Hornswoggle and hung him up on a giant hook. DX preached to Hornswoggle about copyright infringement until John Cena showed up and helped Hornswoggle down. Cena said that Hornswoggle understands more than they think. Cena said Hornswoggle was the reason they are fighting in a triple threat match at Survivor Series. Hornswoggle gave them the DX crotch chop and ran away laughing. Triple H said he’s not sweating the triple threat match because he already beat Cena two weeks ago. Shawn Michaels said next week they will be in England, the place where HE beat Cena. Cena pointed out that he has beaten both of them. Cena yelled “I beat you, I beat you, we all beat each other, we beat each other all the time!” The Bella Twins were standing off to the side and took that comment the wrong way. So much for PG-13. Michaels said he took physics so he knows for a fact that DX has a mathmatical probability of walking out of Survivor Series with the WWE championship. Cena said the odds were against him, but anything can happen. Cena suggested DX would be fighting each other, and if they didn’t believe him, watch the triple threat match tonight. Cena said after Survivor Series, he won’t have two words for ya, he’ll have four – THE CHAMP IS HERE!
TRIPLE THREAT NON (WWE CHAMPIONSHIP) TITLE MATCH
Chris Jericho defeated WWE champion John Cena and the Big Show: DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) joined Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler on commentary for the match, since John Cena invited them to watch the match. DX is all over every RAW but they hardly ever wrestle. Jericho won the match, and shook hands with his partner, the Big Show. Jericho & Big Show put Cena in a double submission, but Triple H & Shawn Michaels jumped in to help Cena! Big Show knocked out Michaels with one punch, and Jericho took out HHH with a Code-breaker!