HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
Who’ll Fight in the Diva Battle Royal?
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, looks at the 25 women who will likely be involved in the specialty Diva Battle Royal match. He’ll also look at a few who, sadly, won’t or can’t be there.
The WWE has announced a 25-Diva Battle Royal that was to “span the history of Wrestlemania“. In this special HeadLocker column, I wanted to take a look at the ladies that I figure are going to go into the match. At the end, I want to talk about a few lovely ladies that won’t be there.
1. Melina:
She’s the current Women’s champion. Unless Melina’s set in a one-on-one with Maryse, she’s a lock to be in the match. She might be an odds-on favorite to take the win. She won’t.
2. Maryse:
The second Divas champion is getting better in her matches. She’ll clear out several, before falling to either Melina or Beth Phoenix.
3. Beth Phoenix:
This would be my pick to win this match. She’s the most dominant female since the Fabulous Moolah. She’s going to pull a Kane-level elimination of Divas. Count on it.
4. Natalya:
Sadly, Natalya has been so under-used in the WWE. I’d love to see her as a Final Four (Natalya, Beth, Maryse, Gail Kim) but I figure she’ll end up out of the match way before that.
5. Mickie James:
Mickie has slid into mid-card Hell in the Divas division. She won’t be the first woman eliminated, but she won’t be far behind the one who is.
6. Kelly Kelly:
She’s so much better than when she first started with the company. She has some fantastic moves but she’s not going to be a major threat in this one.
7. Jillian Hall:
I have to think that Hall will be the first one gone. She’ll probably start her so-called singing and get tossed out on her rather cute backside.
8. Katie Lea Burchill:
Yes, she’s a talented star. She’s on ECW. That tells me she isn’t going to the pay window. She’ll likely team with Alicia Fox to eliminate Natalya. Soon after that, Beth gets rid of both of the ECW stars.
9. Alicia Fox:
She’ll boogie her way in to this one and waltz out in a matter of seconds. She’ll be out of this one pretty quickly.
10. Michelle McCool:
McCool will likely do well in this match. She’s really favored by the company, right now. She might end up in the Final Four. Beth is going to send her to the showers.
11. Maria:
Can you say cannon fodder? She’s cute (I’ve seen the Playboy pictures) but she just isn’t a Trish, Lita or Beth. I think that she’ll go quick.
12. Candice Michelle:
Candy just hasn’t gotten out of the blocks since her return from injury. She’ll last for awhile but eventually Beth with send her home.
13. Victoria:
Yes, she recently announced her retirement. She left the WWE on good terms (from all reports). It would be fun to see her return to reform BFF with Natalya. This would give Victoria the glory of stepping out in grand style. I really hope that they can convince the Black Widow to return.
14. Brie Bella & Nikki Bella:
This may be the comic relief in this match. One of the two Bellas will be in this one. The other will join Hornswoggle under the ring. The Bellas will pull a couple of switches before Beth Double Clotheslines both of the Bellas over the ropes.
15. Ivory:
She’s been one of the top women wrestlers since her days in GLOW (Yeah, I bet she’d like to forget those days). She’d do pretty well in the match, going out at the mid-way mark.
16. Eve:
Yet another victim for Beth to eliminate. Eve just hasn’t gotten beyond the curtain jerker spot in the company. She won’t last 5 minutes in this one. She’ll go out just behind Jillian.
17. Gail Kim:
I expect this to be Kim’s re-debut in the WWE. Kim is the other person that I think may take this one. What a perfect way to start your next run with the company. I could definitely see a Beth v Kim alternate final two.
18. Beulah McGillicutty:
Mrs. Tommy Dreamer was a Legend in ECW. She should definitely be in the middle of this one. She probably won’t stay in the match for very long but she will get a monster pop when she shows up.
19. Lita:
She was one of the most controversial women to ever compete in wrestling. She was/is also one of the most talented in-ring stars to ever compete. She’d definitely make it to the top 10, maybe even the top 5. I could actually see Vickie showing up to taunt Edge’s former squeeze, which would allow Beth to oust the tattooed wonder.
20. Leilani Kai:
Since Moolah can’t be there and Wendi Richter won’t (see below), it makes sense to bring in Kai to represent the 80s. She’s retired but it would be easy for her to step back in the ring to battle.
21. Molly Holly:
I’ll admit it…I want to see Molly again. She’s always been a personal favorite of mine. She had that realistic beauty that didn’t need silicone to enhance. I know she wouldn’t do very well in the match, but it would be worth the $50 for me if she were there.
22. Trish Stratus:
Every generation has it’s top female star. While Victoria, Lita, Molly and a dozen others were fantastic, Trish was the Queen of the Ring during her run. If she’s not in this one, the match just won’t feel complete. She’ll definitely make a good showing in this one. I would expect Beth to eliminate her to set up a Passing of the Torch situation.
23. Sunny:
She showed up on the Raw 15th Anniversary Show. The fans love this woman. She was a key player in several good storylines, including the re-birth of the Road Warriors. I want to see her swish and sway her way to the ring. Expect her to go quickly.
24. Luna Vachon:
The Psycho Psweetie so deserves to a spot in this one. She’s been a central character in past Wrestlemanias. The crowd would really bust loose if the retired superstar were to re-mohawk her hair and arrive to make life difficult for a few of the newer girls.
25. Chyna:
This would be the biggest surprise of the night. I just don’t know if the Ninth Wonder of the World is stable enough to be chosen for this one. The WWE really can’t afford a no-show. I realize that they could toss Mae Young in, if all else fails. Chyna v Beth v Gail Kim could be your Final Three. Gail and Beth would work together to send Chyna back to the semi-limelight of Hollywood.
Alternate possibilities:
There are several women who could be called in to work the match. Mae Young, of course, is a real good possibility. Rockin’ Robin is another Old-Schooler that might get a phone call. Dawn Marie could show up to battle. Velvet McIntyre is another long-shot possibility for being in the match. Sable might be convinced to join this fun little match. Francine, who did work for the new ECW (for a very short time), would be a fan favorite that the Houston crowd would love to see. I don’t know what her feelings are towards her release.
Rest in Peace
Sadly, there are several wonderful women who can’t be in the match, due to leaving this life. The Fabulous Moolah, Sherri Martel, Bertha Faye, Woman, Sapphire and Elizabeth have all gone on to the next reality. I truly hope that the WWE takes time to pay tribute to these women.
Holding Grudges
There are two women that really should be in this battle that I can almost guarantee won’t be there. Wendi Richter, the woman who ended Moolah’s 27-year title reign, left the WWE on the baddest of terms with Vince McMahon. She has had hard feelings towards the WWE for 2 decades. I doubt seriously that she’ll put that aside to compete. I’d love to see it. She might even bring Cyndi Lauper (the one woman that I always wanted to mother my children) with her. I just don’t think there’s enough money in the world to convince Wendi to return.
The other big name in Women’s wrestling that won’t be there is Madusa aka Alundra Blayze. She was the Beth Phoenix of the 1990s. The main problem is that Vince probably has never forgiven her for her disrespect of the Women’s title. Madusa took the Women’s title and literally threw it in a trash can. While Madusa v Beth would be a dream match, it’s not going to happen.
In Conclusion:
This match is a filler match, don’t kid yourself. In the grand scheme of things, this match won’t mean much. Yes, the winner will likely get a Women’s or Diva’s title shot in the near future. This match is going to be a lot like the Playboy Evening Gown Match from a few years back. It’s a chance for hormonally or nostalgia charged fans to see some of their favorites. As for me, I’ll enjoy the view but there will be a slight bit of sadness as I think of those who aren’t there.
–Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(3/9/09)