Season’s Greetings and Season’s Beatings!
Last IWS show of the year, December 1st
Download IWS Season’s Beatings Bloodstream from here:
I would warn people that Bloodstream is Not Safe For Work, but really it’s Not Safe For ANYWHERE!
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On behalf of the extended International Wrestling Syndicate family, I would like to extend the best wishes of the season to all our fans, friends and the readers of this newsletter.
The holiday season is the ideal time for family and friends (and wrestling fans) to get together to reflect on another year about to pass, to look forward to another year, to drink a few beers…
and to hit each other over the head with chairs.
Well, you have your holiday traditions, and at the IWS we have ours!
Please, please, leave the actual hitting and being hit over the head with chairs to trained professionals. Don’t do it and tell people that Llakor told you to.
This year, the IWS owner and (sadly) Champion, PCP Crazy F’N Manny has decided in the spirit of the season to offer one lucky IWS Superstar a shot at the IWS belt. That Superstar? None other than the reigning Canadian King of Death Match and the reigning IWA-MS Queen of the Death Match, the First Lady of Hardcore, Lufisto.
This would be the moment where I channel Dana Carvey’s Church Lady to observe that “Santa” and “Satan” are not far apart, and that Manny may be pretending to be playing Santa Manny and offering Lufisto a gift, when really he is busy playing at being Satan Manny.
The most astonishing thing about this scenario? Not that Manny has an ulterior motive; Manny ALWAYS has an ulterior motive. The astonishing thing is that Lufisto knows that this is a trap and doesn’t care. In fact she is downright pleased.
“All I have ever asked in the wrestling business is the chance to prove that I can wrestle as well or better than anyone, any woman, but especially any man. The IWS title is the most important belt in Canada, and one of the most important on the independent wrestling scene anywhere in the world. It will be my pleasure to win it, and my honour to defend it. I know what you are going to say Llakor. You are worried that Manny is going to hurt me. I am not worried. I know that Manny will hurt me. The only thing is: I am gong to hurt Manny worse than he is going to hurt me. And that’s why I will win.”
It may not be politically correct, it may not be chivalrous, but wrestling has the most extreme form of equality, of fairness that you can find anywhere. This Saturday, on December 1st, at Season’s Beatings, Manny will treat Lufisto the way that he would treat any wrestler trying to take his belt – he will do his level best to beat the ever-living hell out of her. And in the spirit of fairness and equality, Lufisto will prove, as she has proved since the start of her career, that she deserves to be in the same ring as a man, by beating the ever-living hell out of Manny.
Cue Llakor knocking furiously on wood.
Season’s Beatings 2007 Card
Quick and Dirty
Saturday, December 1st, 2007
Bogey’s 3250 Cremazie East
(Corner Cremazie and St-Michel)
Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
IWS Title: IWS Champion PCP Crazy F’N Manny vs. Lufisto
IWS Canadian Title: IWS Canadian Champion Max Boyer vs. Damian
Gangsta vs. Mobster: Franky the Mobster vs. Eddie Kingston
Tag Scramble Elimination: (Non Title)
IWS Tag Team Champions Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied)
vs. The Untouchables (Dan Paysan and Jimmy Stone)
vs. The Special Ks (Kid Kamikaze and Jimmy K)
vs. Twiggy and Vanessa Kraven
2.0 (Jagged and Shane Matthews) vs. Up in Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy)
Three-Way Dance for an IWS Roster Spot: Three Mystery Wrestlers will fight with the winner getting a spot on the IWS Roster.
In Max Boyer’s ongoing quest to prove that he is the best technical wrestler in Canada, and especially better than Kevin Steen, Max finds himself butting heads with a man who has pushed Kevin Steen to the best (and most violent) matches of his career: The God of War, Damian. He is quite prepared to give Max Boyer the match of his life. Damian is also prepared to make this match, his own personal Christmas gift to himself. With a show at the Medley coming up, Damian would like nothing better than to enter the New Year as the New IWS Canadian Champion.
Philadelphia’s Gangsta Number One Eddie Kingston will be coming to Montreal to face Quebec’s Number One Mobster, the man they call Franky. Assuming of course that a Gangsta can get some love at the border. Personally, I am hoping that the border guards wave Eddie and Bryce right through. Franky is already threatening to haul IWS staff into the ring if Eddie can’t make it and I’m not certain if he will stop with broom boys. (Actually hoping may not be a strong enough word. Praying to God, maybe PLEADING with God is more like it.)
The IWS Tag Team division is heating up as three new teams, The Untouchables, The Special Ks and the oddest ball couple of odd ball couples, Twiggy and Vanessa Kraven are all going to try and prove that they deserve a shot at the IWS Tag Team Title while the IWS Tag Team Champs try to prove that they deserve to stay on top of the mountain. Throw in the fact that Twiggy is as angry as a beaver with a toothache after having the IWS Title slip out of his grasp at Freedom to Fight 2007 during his match against Manny, AND that the Untouchables and the Special Ks have a beef with each other after Dan Paysan and Jimmy Stone attacked Jimmy K last show taking out Jimmy’s then opponent Kid Kamikaze in the process, well the match might get a little heated, like chestnuts roasting over an open fire heated.
Also, looking to prove that they deserve a title shot are the former champions, 2.0, hoping to make a statement (and end their losing streak) by beating up on the Ganja Generals, Up in Smoke, Cheech and Cloudy. As for the Reefer Rasslers? Normally, I might make a joke about their lack of motivation, but if there is one thing that Cheech and Cloudy love better than coming to Montreal, it is coming to Montreal when the IWS is having a downtown party at the Medley. The best way for them to force the IWS to invite them back for January 26th? Beating 2.0.
Finally, IWS management has decided to give a shot to three guys who have been begging for a chance to prove what they can do for years, in a three-way dance where the stakes are simple: Winner gets a spot on the IWS Roster and the Losers get nothing. Who will be in this match? Well, that would be telling. Come to Season’s Beatings and find out.
Let the SPECULATINGTIONMANIA begin!
All of this and the usual gang of maniacs will also be in attendance including EXesS, Kenny the Bastard, Kevin Steen, IWS ring announcer Patrick Lono, manager to the stars Joey Soprano, IWS Play by Play dude Mikhail Q. Rotchy Esquire and others…
I am supposed to say that Shit-Hawke will be there and wrestling, but I don’t feel like plugging the annoying maudit roux.
The Llakor Christmas Ticket Special:
Buy a VIP Ticket for Season’s Beatings and Praise the Violence for $40.
Buy a VIP Ticket for Season’s Beatings and Praise the Violence, plus any (one) IWS DVD and a Freedom to Fight poster signed by Christopher Daniels and Max Boyer for $65
(While supplies of signed posters last.)
The IWS presents: Season’s Beatings, Saturday, December 1st, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie Est (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30 pm, show starts at 9:00 pm, tickets are $20 for VIP, $15 for Regular. 18+, card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
The IWS proudly presents: Praise the Violence, Saturday, January 26th, 2008 featuring Sylvain Grenier at the beautiful, downtown Medley, 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30 PM, show starts at 9 PM. VIP tickets are $30, Regular tickets are $25. VIP ticket holders admitted first. VIP tickets are almost sold out so order them today. No reserved seating. Tickets can be purchased online at http://www.ticketpro.ca or in person at the Medley box office. 18+. Card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
Our DVDs for each show are released through www.smartmarkvideo.com. Our biggest recent release is Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 featuring then NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage – http://www.smartmarkvideo.com/main/index.php?app=ccp0&ns=prodshow&ref=iwsdvd0054&sid=3kk04hkib65w02eal6b66a85q4734bui . Our best-selling DVD from last year is Un F’N Sanctioned 2006 featuring Sabu’s last match in the indies before his re-debut on Raw (two nights later) as well as the crazy hardcore Fans Bring the Weapons match – http://www.smartmarkvideo.com/main/index.php?app=ccp0&ns=prodshow&ref=iwsdvd0043