HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My SummerSlam Predictions
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, breaks out his crystal ball, tea leaves and lucky coin to predict the biggest card of the summer.
Well, Summerslam isn’t coming across as a Super-Card, like it normally would. Going back and forth on the Main Event. The two male title matches seem rather bland. The Divas title match might be decent. Let’s examine all the possiblities.
Dolph Ziggler v Kofi Kingston
Intercontinental Title Match
Backstory: Vickie Guerrero helped her latest boy-toy by distracting the ref from making the three count. Ziggler came back from Trouble in Paradise to nail the Zig Zag. This is the rematch.
Prediction: To be honest, I never thought Ziggler would win the title. He just has never impressed me, under whatever name he’s used. That being said, Dolph is going to end up retaining his title. I feel Dolph will use under-handed means to keep his title. Be prepared for Vickie to get involved.
Predicted Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Predicted Grade: B-
Micelle McCool and Layla v Tiffany and Kelly Kelly
Backstory: MIchelle and Layla decided to share the Women’s title. They have faced off against Tiffany and Kelly Kelly in both tag matches and singles contests. This was a last-minute addition to the card.
Predictions: THis is a serious “Who Cares?” match. Tiffany does pull off the cheerleader look nicely, so I’ll enjoy seeing her. Kelly’s nothing to sneeze at either. Michelle McTaker and Layla just annoy me. I really hope they throw this match in around the halfway point, so I can get a fresh soda.
Predicted Winners: (not that I really care) Lay-Cool
Predicted Grade: D
Big Show v The Straight Edge Society (C.M. Punk, Joseph Mercury, and Luke Gallows)
3-on-1 Handicap MatchAlicia Fox v Melina
Backstory: Big Show pulled the mask of both Joseph Mercury and C.M. Punk. Punk has been irate, ever since. The Straight-Edge-Society tried to break Show’s hand. They did a pretty good job on it.
Prediction: It’s unclear how much they are going to push the bad hand angle. I think this could be the catalyst to the destruction of the Straight Edge Society. I think Show is going to knock out all three S-E-S’ers. Punk wil blame the others for the loss and they will get tired of beating trashed by Punk and will walk on him.
Predicted Winner: The Big Show
Predicted Grade: B-
Backstory: Melina had to give up her title, due to an injury. Fox ran off at the mouth about bo one being able to beat her. Out comes Melina. She smacked the daylights out of the Women’s title. Melina then defeated Fox in a non-title match. The Mystery G.M. of Raw ordered this match.
Predictions: Most everyone that I’ve talked to think Melina will take the title> I agree with my buddy, Sal, who thinks Melina will get ripped off in the match, only to come back at Night of the Champions to take the title.
Predicted Winner: Alicia Fox
Predicted Grade: C+
Rey Mysterio v Kane
Casket Match for the World Title
Backstory: Kane has been on a campaign to find the attacker of his “brother”, Undertaker. In the process, he won Money in the Bank and then immediately cashed it in to take the World TItle from Rey Mysterio, who had just fought a tough match against Jack Swagger. Kane says he will put Rey in the casket as revenge against the man who he claims attacked Taker.
Predictions: Kane just doesn’t seem the right person to hold the World title. I realize he’s done it before, as well as being the ECW champ, but it still doesn’t feel right. I think putting the belt on Kane was just a storyline gimmick to bring back Undertaker. I truly expect Kane to open the casket to throw Rey in, only to find Taker inside. Kane will take off like a scalded dog and end up counted out. Rey will win the match but Kane will keep the strap. Undertaker will then go on to face his “brother” at either Night of the Champions or on the first episode of Smackdown on SyFy.
Predicted Winner: Rey Mysterio (by count-out)
Predicted Grade: B+
Sheamus v Randy Orton
WWE Title Match
Backstory:Randy Orton beat both Edge and Chris Jericho in a Triple Threat Match to earn the title shot. Sheamus is still riding high on his decimation of Triple H. The Miz is lurking in the background with his Money in the Bank title shot.
Predictions: Since I feel Triple H is due to return during the Main Event as Cena’s mystery partner, I think Sheamus is going to retain. I really think Miz is going to try and attack Sheamus, after the match. When he does, he will hit the Skull Crushing Finale and figure he has it all locked up. Sheamus will kick out and hit the Brogue Kick on Miz. Sheamus will then spoil the unbroken Money in the Bank streak and Miz will actually have to defend his U.S. title, which he will also lose (most likely on the Raw on Monday).
Predicted Winner: Sheamus
Predicted Grade: A-
Nexus v Team WWE
Seven-on-seven Tag Team Elimination Match
Backstory: The former Season One NXT Rookies banned together to form Nexus. They have attacked wrestlers, Legends, announcers, refs, time keepers and just about anyone else in sight. Their main target has been John Cena. Cena brought in six men to help. Great Khali got ambushed and is almost certainly out with a knee injury. His replacement has yet to be announced, though Miz thinks they want him. Edge and Chris Jericho are tentative, at best, as team members.
Predictions: There were many contenders to the 7th spot, as I covered in my previous column. I really think that they are going to go with Triple H. Why would they include him in the big 7-11 marketing campaign, if he wasn’t going to be there. Nexus will come out first and probably ramble on the stick about how dominant they are. Typical boring promo. Team WWE will start to come out. Cena will come out last, of the six. Wade Barrett will taunt Cena that he couldn’t find anyone on the Raw roster to be foolish enough to join their cause. Cena will say that he did have to go outside the regular roster to find their partner. The arena will go dark and suddenly Triple H’s theme will play. The crowd will explode as Nexus trips out. The match will be a see-saw effort that will see R-Truth, and Morrison go out early. Team WWE will rebound and send Darrin Young, Justin Gabriel and Michael Tarver to the showers. Wade will take out his former mentor, Chris Jericho. Edge will eliminate Skip Sheffield. Heath Slater will fall to Cena. Wade will take out Edge. Cena will hit the Attitude Adjustment on David Otunga and then sent him to the back. Bret Hart will finally get into the match, only to fall, quickly, to Wade Barrett. Triple H will be the man to take down the Nexus threat with the Pedigree on Wade Barrett.
Predicted Winners: Team WWE
Predicted Grade: A
Final Grade: B+
Final Thoughts: This Summerslam will likely get a lousy buy rate and even worse reviews. Again, the WWE rushed this PPV to press without giving enough time for the stories to build. The returns of Undertaker and Triple H are necessary if Summerslam wants to salvage this show. Otherwise, this Summerslam will fail, horribly.