May 4, 2017
Orlando, Florida (Impact Zone)
Results by: Gerald Bocook of Wrestleview.com
We start with a recap of the last few weeks, including the rise of LAX and their street fight with Decay last week, the return of Matt Sydal, EC3 the demigod, and the ongoing Josh Mathews/Jeremy Borash saga. Lord, it’s a saga.
In the Impact Zone, Matt Sydal opens up the show heading to the ring. He’ll be facing Eddie Edwards. Mathews warns us that it’s just him and Pope for the next two hours.
Bell rings and both men just stand around a bit. Handshake in the middle of the ring. Tie-up and Edwards forces Sydal back into the corner. Clean break. Tie-up, go-behind from Edwards, standing switch from Sydal, but Edwards picks the arm and twists him up. Sydal with some flippy stuff to wrench Edwards’ arm, but Eddie responds in kind. Some technical chain reversals and we end is a stand-off. Tie-up and Edwards with a headlock. Sydal pushes Edwards to the ropes and shoves him off, Eddie shoulder tackles him to the mat. Eddie off the ropes, some springboarding from both men, Sydal with a hurricanrana takes Eddie flying. Sydal on the corner, Eddie hits him and tries to throw him off– headscissors from midair from Sydal! Eddie in the corner and Sydal charges, big knee smash! Cover; one, two– kickout!
Sydal pulls the feet of Edwards together and latches Edwards into an Indian deathlock. Eddie elbows his way out. Sydal up and gets Eddie in a front facelock, but Eddie lifts him for the vertical suplex– Sydal slips off, hits the ropes, Eddie with a blue thunder bomb! Pins; one, two– kickout!
Eddie gets Sydal in the corner and chops at him repeatedly. Eddie with an Irish whip and elbows Sydal down. Cover; one, two– kickout.
Sydal back up and Eddie headbutts him. Eddie follows him to the corner and headbutts him again. Irish whip, Sydal reverses, Eddie kicks him in the head! Eddie charges to follow-up, Sydal with a roll-up; one, two– kickout!
Eddie gets Sydal on his shoulders and throws him off. Both men up, Eddie whips Sydal, Sydal reverses, Eddie charges, big wheel kick from Sydal! Both men are down, but slowly get back up. Sydal with kicks to the legs of Edwards, big hook kick takes him down! Standing moonsault; one, two, th– kickout!
Eddie in the corner, Sydal charges, Eddie gets an elbow up. Eddie up on the ropes, Sydal leaps and throws Eddie down with a hurricanrana! Cover; one, two, thr– kickout!
Both men are slowly getting back to their feet. Sydal charges Eddie in the corner with a leaping lariat that sends him through the ropes to the apron. Eddie with an enzuigiri takes Sydal to the floor! Eddie Edwards hits the ropes and dives through the ropes! Suicide dive connects!! Both men are down outside!
— Commercial break —
Eddie charges Sydal in the corner but Sydal gets a boot up! Sydal up on the corner and Eddie with a jumping kick! Eddie wraps Sydal up and hits the Chin Checker! Cover; one, two– kickout!
Eddie gets Sydal up and gets double underhooks in, but Sydal gets him to the ropes and breaks. Sydal gets shoved off and Eddie up on the corner, leaps off as Sydal gets to his feet, flying Codebreaker! Eddie pulls Sydal up, gets the underhooks in, lifts Sydal up, but Sydal breaks free and sends Eddie flying with a hurricanrana! Sydal gets Eddie up on the top of the corner, heads up himself, Sydal leaps for the hurricanrana and Eddie slides out of the corner, Sydal crashes on the ropes! Eddie charges, but Sydal gets a knee up! Sydal up on the ropes, shooting star press! Connects! One, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Matt Sydal (Shooting Star Press)
Eddie and Sydal shake hands and then Eddie gets helped up the ramp from Alisha– but they’re intercepted by Richards and Love! Davey smashes Eddie with a chair and Love tackles Alisha down! Eddie gets thrown down in front of the stage and Davey is tying him up on the guard rail before he hits Eddie’s knee with the chair! Davey and Love celebrate and Alisha dives off the stage, taking them both out! They’re trying to drag Love away, but Alisha is still pummeling Richards! Love gets free and rejoins the brawl, but as security gets Alisha off,
In the back, we’re joined by Magnus. McKenzie gets cut off and Magnus says he walked back into this company and won the eight-man tag, and that should be all he needs to main event Slammiversary, but they keep putting road blocks in front of him. Road blocks like Alberto El Patron. Matt Morgan walks up and asks if Magnus is joking. They start arguing. Bruce Pritchard yells at them to stop. They seem like they have a lot of steam to blow off. Pritchard says Magnus is going to defend the GFW Global Championship against Matt Morgan tonight.
— Commercial break —
We cut to a room where KM is working out. A guy comes in to clean up and KM throws trash on the floor to make the guy work more. KM argues with the guy that he’s missing stuff, and asks if the guy is calling him a liar when he says that the trash wasn’t on the ground before. KM gets in his face and slaps his hat off of him before yelling at him. The guy does his job and walks away and KM says “That’s what’s wrong with this country; people really need to work on their people skills.”
At the Impact Zone, Sienna is coming to the ring with KM. She challenges Christina Von Eerie for the Global Force Wrestling Women’s Championship.
GFW Women’s Championship
Christina Von Eerie (c) vs. Sienna w/ KM
Tie-up and Sienna shoves Eerie to the ropes. Eerie ducks a lariat and rebounds off the ropes to put Sienna in a headlock, but Sienna with a back suplex. Sienna stomps at Eerie. Eerie gets Sienna against the ropes, hits the farside and a facewash to Sienna! Sienna elbows Von Eerie to the mat and gets her in a headlock! Eerie breaks out and gets some chops in, but Sienna gets Eerie up on her shoulders and Sienna dumps Von Eerie to the floor!
Sienna follows Eerie out and slams her into the guard rail a couple times. Eerie shoves Sienna into KM on the outside and hits the apron, Eerie springs off the ropes and takes out Sienna! Eerie gets Sienna on the apron and looks for a double underhook powerbomb on the apron, but Sienna with a back body drop! Eerie falls to the floor! Sienna rolls her back in, looking for the AK-47 but Eerie gets off and locks in a sleeper hold! Sienna shoves her back to the corner and Eerie tries to set Sienna up for her finisher, but Sienna throws her off! Sienna hits the ropes, Silener! Cover; one, two, three!
Winner and NEW GFW Women’s Champion by pinfall: Sienna (Silencer)
In the back, Pritchard is approached by Eli Drake. Drake says he’s going to interrupt everyone on the roster to get what he wants, because that seems to be the only way to get what you want around here. Maybe he’ll go interrupt Alberto El Patron to take his title shot? Pritchard says all Drake has to do is turn around. Alberto is there and asks if Eli is stupid, all he had to do was ask for the shot. Pritchard says they’re doing his job for him; tonight, Eli will challenge Alberto El Patron, and they’ll put Patron’s GFW Championship opportunity on the line.
#MakeImpactGreat promo featuring ODB.
Ringside with Mathews and Pope, and a “Brutal A.F.” sign appears behind Mathews. Mathews tries to ignore Borash (for the first time tonight,) as he tries to run down some of the card.
— Commercial break —
In the back, McKenzie Mitchell is with Karen Jarrett. Karen says that Alisha Edwards will be debuting next week against Angelina Love. Sienna approaches and gets in Karen’s face. Karen congratulates Sienna for getting a target on her back, and to watch herself. Sienna hopes Karen lines them up so she can knock them down.
In the Impact Zone, ladies and gentlemen, EC3. Some guy is already in the ring.
EC3 vs. John Bolan
EC3 smashes Bolan in the corner and punches away until the ref breaks. Bolan gets out of the corner and gets kicked by Carter. Carter throws Bolan in the corner and kicks at him, stomping away before tying Bolan up in the ropes to choke and then crossface him. Carter hits the ropes, jumping knee to the back sends Bolan to the floor outside. Carter follows Bolan out and Bolan tries to put up a fight, but Carter slams Bolan into the apron and rolls him back inside. Bolan is up in the corner as EC3 rolls back in, Carter charges, EC3 Splash! Bolan staggers out and Carter gets him up, TK3! Running knee from Carter to Bolan, and then hits the One Percenter! Cover; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: EC3
Carter tells someone to get that “overrated” piece of crap out of his ring. Overrated? Eh? EC3 tells the new regime that they told him to look in the mirror and see what he really was, so they better be ready to be accountable for what happens. Nothing is going to stop him from becoming an EC3-time World Champion at Slammiversary, not even that coward James Storm. He walks up the ramp and stomps on the Impact Wrestling logo.
At the announce booth, JB is holding a “P.O.S.” sign over Mathews’ head. Mathews tries to ignore him. I… actually am on Mathews’ side here. JB is doing, like, fifteen-year-old pep rally stuff. C’mon.
— Commercial break —
Back at the Impact Zone, “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan is heading to the ring to challenge Magnus for the GFW “Heavyweight” Championship.
Magnus (c) vs. Matt Morgan
Bell rings, both men circle. Tie-up and Mrgan forces Magnus back, but Magnus escapes and hits some body blows, but Morgan doesn’t seem phased. Morgan shoves Magnus back in the corner and Magnus escapes and chops Morgan. Morgan chases Magnus across the ring and chokes him with his booth. Morgan whips Magnus to the corner and follows in, but Magnus gets a boot up. Morgan with a headlock and Magnus shoves him off, Morgan boots him out of the ring. Magnus walks around the ring and Morgan follows, looking for a chokeslam on the stairs but Magnus escapes and shoves Morgan into the the ring post. Magnus back inside and looks to baseball slide into Morgan, but Morgan sidesteps and slams Magnus into the apron. Magnus rolls into the ring and Morgan chokes Magnus against the ropes. Morgan charges, Carbon Footprint in the corner but Magnus rolls out of the way! Magnus with a chop block! Elbows to the knee of Morgan and locks in a basic knee hold, punching at Morgan’s knee. Magnus kicks Morgan down and kicks his knee. Magnus tries to get Morgan in a cloverleaf but Morgan punches out. Morgan to his feet and Magnus kicks him in the back of the knee before more knees to Morgan’s knee. Basic knee wrench from Magnus, looks for the cloverleaf but Morgan punches out and Magnus settles for a figure four! Middle of the ring and Morgan is feelin’ it! After a long moment, Morgan manages to roll the figure four over onto Magnus, who manages to get to the ropes! Morgan is up but Magnus picks him down and looks for the figure four again, but Morgan kicks him off into the corner! Magnus is trying to come back on Morgan, but Morgan fights him off before getting to his feet and delivering lariats to Magnus! Morgan charges Magnus in the corner, big jumping splash! Morgan follows up with a sidewalk slam. Magnus up, Morgan looks for a chokesma, but Magnus kicks the knee! Magnus heads up top and dives off but Morgan catches him! Chokeslam! Morgan covers; one, two, th– Magnus got a foot on the rope!
Morgan and Magnus are back up, charge each other, Carbon Footprint! Morgan is down and Magnus has rolled out of the ring! The ref is tending to Morgan as Magnus crawls around the ring. Magnus grabs the GFW Championship and brings it into the ring. The ref takes it from Magnus and Magnus kicks Morgan in the daddy parts! Magnus with a Michinoku Driver before heading up top and dropping an elbow! Cover; one, two, three!
Winner and STILL GFW Global Champion via pinfall: Magnus (Flying Elbow Drop)
Magnus gets the Championship and bails, heading up the ramp as Morgan rolls around slowly in the ring.
— Commercial break —
McKenzie is in the back with Lashley. She wonders what Lashley thinks about GFW being all the talk recently. Lashley says it doesn’t matter to him, but it matters to them; the GFW Championship is something they can attain, since nobody can touch the REAL World Heavyweight Title.
More announce table shenanigans with JB being twelve and flustering Mathews.
LAX promo. Konnan offers a moment of silence to Decay after noticing that Diamante and Santana were sad. He starts laughing, and then says they should do a funeral for Decay next week.
#MakeImpactGreat promo with James Storm.
— Commercial break —
Rockstar Spud promo, where he plays up the injuries from ‘Swoggle, saying he needs four pain pills just to get up in the morning, that the injuries he sustained last week have ruined his life. Very touching. He was in a wheelchair and everything.
Kongo Kong is heading to the ring with a wasted Laurel van Ness in tow. Laurel falls trying to get out of the ring and Earl Hebner tells her to leave the ring. Laurel talks to Kong before trying to mack on Weeks, but Weeks kinds pushes her back. Laurel trips and yells at Kong to kill him. They keep referring to Laurel as a “maneater”, which is kinda weird, and something they hadn’t done until now.
Kongo Kong vs. William Weeks
Kong grabs Weaks by the hair and headbutts him repeatedly, throwing him into the corner and stomping at him. Kong pulls Weeks up and elbows him down, steps on him, and then sets Weeks in the corner, hitting the ropes and splashing him before lariating him inside out! Kong with a huge chokeslam over Kong’s knee, cover; one, two– Kong pulls Weeks up!
Another chokeslam over the knee and Laurel screams “AGAIN!” and Kong complies! Kong grabs Weeks by the mouth and sets him in the corner, charying from the other side of the ring and smashing Weeks with the cannonball! Laurel yells at Kong to go up, and Laurel gets up on the other corner! Kong with the big splash flattens William Weeks! Cover; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Kongo Kong (Diving Splash)
Braxton Sutter’s music hits and he arrives with Allie! Braxton charges the ring and starts brawling with Kong, ducking blows from Kong! Kong shoves Braxton in the corner and charges, but Braxton gets out of the way and kicks Kong in the head! Kong is stunned and Braxton with a clothesline sends Kong over the ropes– but Kong lands on his feet! Laurel tries to shove Kong to the back after saying that Kong is going to kill Braxton.
#MakeImpactGreat promo with Eli Drake. Up next, Eli Drake will go one-on-one with Alberto El Patron.
— Commercial break —
We see some highlights of the big X-Division Championship Six-Man from two weeks ago. Sonjay Dutt wonders if Low-Ki injured his eye on purpose. Low-Ki says that Sonjay was always a bridesmaid, but never a bride. Sonjay says maybe this wasn’t the right time for him being Champion. They’re showing some fairly graphic stuff with them draining the blood out of Sonjay’s eye, and during the interview, his eye is less an eye and more a bruise where his face used to be.
Back in the Impact Zone, Eli Drake is arriving alongside Tyrus. Josh Mathews actually makes a good segue into talking about the movie that’s on after Impact tonight. First time for everything. Patron is out next to a big pop from this crowd. He hops into the crowd and starts doing that weird old “League of Nations” pose in the stands with “his people”.
Bell rings. Tie-up and Eli with a standing switch, slaps Alberto in the head and sends him packing. Alberto charges Eli and Eli gets in the ropes before making a run for it! Alberto chases him, grabs him by the neck and throws him down the ramp! Alberto throws Eli into the stairs and then into the corner post, staring down Tyrus as he does. Alberto rolls Eli in the ring and Tyrus trips Alberto up, but the referee ejects Tyrus! Alberto is on the outside and Eli tries to argue with the referee about sending Tyrus back. Eli beats Alberto in the back before slamming Alberto’s head into a chair that was ringside. Alberto tries to fight out, but Eli with a suplex on the entrance ramp! Eli rolls Alberto in and whips him, Alberto referses, Eli kicks him in the head! Alberto sends Eli to the apron and kicks Eli off to the floor before hitting the farside ropes and a suicide dive takes Drake down!
— Commercial break —
Back to action, and Alberto has Eli in the corner, laying punches down on Drake’s head. Alberto backs off and charges, but Eli tosses him to the apron and elbows him in the head before getting on the apron and hitting a back suplex , dropping Alberto on the apron! Eli stomps at Patron, rolls him in the ring and elbows Patron from the apron. Eli rolls in, cover; one, two– kickout.
Eli with a side headlock, and Patron fights out. Patron gets elbowed from Eli and Eli puts up on the top of the corner, but Eli with an armbreaker! Alberto releases and gets back in the ring, charges Eli in the corner and Eli moves– Eli with a neckbreaker! Eli stomps at Alberto and then hangs him in the ropes, leg drop in the ropes! Eli with a cover; one, two– kickout!
Eli with a chin lock, Alberto gets to his feet and flattens himself against Eli on the mat! Both men get to their feet and Alberto hits the ropes, looking to hit that weird dropkick slide thing but Eli sidesteps and Patron crashes and burns! Eli taunts Patron and drops an elbow on him from the apron! He rolls Alberto back in, cover; one, two, thr– kickout.
Eli Drake with the E-Li-Drake Elbow. Cover; one, two, thr– kickout!
Alberto reverses an Irish whip and Eli gets an elbow up to stop a follow-up, gets on the ropes, but Alberto with a step-up enzuigiri drops Drake! The two men fight back to their feet and keep trading blows before Drake gets Alberto in the corner and punches away at him. Eli charges, Alberto moves and a clothesline drops Drake! Another clothesline! Tilt-o-whirl backbreaker from Alberto, cover; one, two– kickout!
Alberto poses in the corner looking for the kick to the head but Eli ducks and picks Alberto up on his shoulders, reverse TKO! Cover; one, two, thr– kickout!
Eli tries to capitalize but Alberto with the shoulder cracker, and he connects with the kick ot the head! Cover; one, two, thre– kickout!
Alberto gets up on the middle rope, then leaps off and sets-up for the cross armbreaker, but Eli spins out and hits a modified Angle slam! Eli sets Alberto on the top of the corner and punches him down. Ei tries for a superplex but Patron headbutts him down and looks like he’s going to go for the double stomp but Eli grabs his kneepad and throws him into the ring! Eli springs over the ropes, then springboard moonsault connects! Cover; one, two– kickout!
Eli with the Air Raid Siren– no, Alberto gets off and rolls Eli up! One, two– kickout!
Alberto tries to get the cross armbreaker on but Eli doesn’t allow it, stomping on Patron’s face! Eli charges Patron and Patron moves, catching Eli on the ropes. Alberto kicks Eli and pulls him down, double stomp! Cover; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Alberto El Patron (Woe Double Stomp)
El Patron celebrates in the ring as we close.
1) Matt Sydal def Eddie Edwards
2) Sienna def Christina Von Eerie to become GFW Women’s Champion
3) Ethan Carter III def John Bolan
4) Magnus def Matt Morgan to retain GFW Global Championship
5) Kongo Kong def William Weeks
6) Alberto El Patron def Eli Drake
– Alisha Edwards debuts against Angelina Love
– LAX pays their respects to Decay
– Magnus defends the GFW Global Championship against Alberto El Patron
And that was Impact! Don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments below, or find me on Twitter @TheGREATMoto and let me know your thoughts on the show, or on the drunken antics of Laurel van Ness!
I’ll see you all next week, and, though I’m going to hate myself for saying it, May the Fourth be with you!