HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
ECW (8/4) Extreme Exam
Our ringside philosopher takes his weekly look at the ECW hour on SyFy.
Tommy Dreamer wanted his ECW title back. Christian wasn’t ready to give it up. They fought under Extreme rules. Who would come out on top? Keep reading.
This Week’s Episode: Taking it to the Extreme!
The Abraham Washington Show
Yes, WWE continues their tradition of providing the fans with what they don’t want. It started Monday night on Raw with Jeremy Piven and Dr. Ken and continued with Abraham Washington. The fans were booing before the talk show wanna-be even opened his mouth. Washington rambled about coming to New York. He accused the Long Island fans of being thieves. The crowd were dead on the mark with their “You Suck” chant. He even got a shot in on David Letterman. He invited Sarah Palin to come sit on his lap…err couch.
Thankfully, Zack Ryder interrupted the asinine rumblings. Washington wanted to know what the Hell he was doing on his show. Zack reminded Washington that he was a Long Island kid and the best thing to come out from L-I. Zack threw love to his girlfriend. Washington started to talk about Shelton Benjamin being scheduled as a guest. Zack talked about being so much better than Shelton. Washington started throwing tacky comments about Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, who only has one leg. Washington and Zack started trashing Shelton. That brought The Gold Standard from the back.
Shelton didn’t want to get thrown off the air for his comments, so he started talking Smurf. he accused Zack of having taken mushrooms. Shelton told Washington and Zack to “go Smurf yourselves”. Washington called Shelton a fake Dennis Rodman. Shelton told Washington to “shut the Smurf up”. Shelton got Zack upset when he talked about everyone giving a shout-out to his (Zack’s) girl. The two started yelling at each other. Washington decided to make it Karaoke Night aka Abraham Idol. Zack was given the choice to chose a song that both would have to sing. He chose Hootie and the Blowfish. I’ve done the Karaoke thing, a few times, and I’ve heard seriously drunk girls that sing better than him. Shelton was just as bad. Zack jumped Shelton as Striker yelled “What the Smurf?” The two got into a huge fight that tore up Washington’s Rent-a-Center furniture (his term for it).
Segment Grade: F-
Jay’s Thoughts: When will WWE/ECW realize that no one likes the annoying Abraham Washington? He’s about as popular as Andrew “Dice” Clay at a women’s rally. He’s weak with the comedy. He’s annoying with his arrogance. Worst of all, he takes away from the precious television time set aside for wrestling. Somebody give this nimrod his walking papers. WWE releases Kennedy, Kendrick and a dozen others and keeps this guy? Maybe WWE should have released the bookers. I’m just saying…
Ezekiel Jackson walked backstage. He was set to demolish someone, next.
Jackson came out, looking more and more like Ahmed Johnson each week. His victim was a marine named “Dangerous” Danny Danger.
Ezekiel Jackson d Danny Danger
Jackson lifted Danger up and hit a pair of Backbreakers. Jackson Field Goaled Danger. He then sent Danger into oblivion with the Mon-Star (Uranage Chokeslam).
Vladimir Kozlov stormed the ring, after the match. The two men stared each other down and Kozlov planted Danger with the Iron Curtain. Jackson then picked up Danger for another Mon-Star. Jackson then left the ring as Kozlov stared daggers at him.
Jay’s Thoughts: ECW should figure out where they are going with the Ezekiel/Vladimir angle. If they were united as the Cold War-riors, they could make life Hell for Big Show and Chris Jericho. If they end up feuding each other, fans will tire of the battles before they really get started. Kozlov should be going after the ECW title. Instead, he’s looking to get bogged down in another nowhere feud. Pathetic.
In the back, Tiffany welcomed the Bella Twins back to ECW. They chatted for a bit and then a backstage girl came up to tell Tiffany some tech details. After Tiffany walked off, a storage container rolled towards the helpless techie. Out of nowhere, The Hurricane rushed in to make the save. He then “flew” off as Paul Burchill walked into shot and stated “This is ridiculous.”
Sheamus came out for the next battle. He faced off against Goldust.
Sheamus d Goldust
Goldust threw hard fists, once he got to his feet. Sheamus used a Close Quarters Suplex to lift Goldust and drop him over the top rope. Sheamus then tried to rush Goldust into the corner. Goldust slipped free and shoved Sheamus into the corner. Goldust tried for a Roll-up but the arm didn’t have the power. Sheamus Shouldered Goldust in the corner but Goldust came back with a Kneelift. Goldust hit a few good shots and then planted the Celtic Warrior with a Bulldog. Goldust showed a flurry of offense, including the Golduster Uppercut and a Snap Powerslam. Sheamus sent Goldust tot he corner. Goldust climbed the ropes but Sheamus snatched him off the ropes. Goldust landed with a thud. Sheamus got an easy pin.
After the match, Sheamus ranted about coming to ECW for gold and only getting Dust. He stated that he was taking the next step to domination. Goldust jumped Sheamus from behind and Hip Tossed him into the barrier. Sheamus ran for his life as the ref tried to contain Goldust. Goldust screamed for Sheamus to return to the ringside area. The Celtic Kid was having nothing more to do with Goldust on this night.
Jay’s Thoughts: Sheamus needs a few minor feuds to build his character. Pitting him against a former Intercontinental champion was a decent place to start. Goldy’s definitely past his prime. He may have a few more years of active wrestling left, but he’s probably going to be stuck as one of the guys used to push the new talent. That’s not the worst way to make a living, but Goldy should get another shot at some level of gold.
ECW went to the Smackdown Rebound. It looked at the match between John Morrison and Jeff Hardy for Hardy’s World title. I watched this match, earlier in the day, and it was one of the best non-PPV matches that I’ve seen in many years. After Hardy won, C.M. Punk came out and attacked the Friday Night Champion. Punk will challenge Hardy for the World title, this coming Friday.
Tommy Dreamer was interviewed before the main event. He threw a lot of respect to Christian but was determined to win back his title. The video switched to Christian, who was carrying a car door over his shoulder. The Extreme Rules main event was set to go…next.
Tony Chimel introduced the main event. The crowd popped huge. Tommy Dreamer came out first, pushing a hot dog cart. Somewhere, Raven just smiled. Christian then came out with his car door. The ringside area was filled with “toys”.
Christian d Tommy Dreamer
Extreme Rules match for the ECW title
Christian tried for the Tornado DDT into a group of trash cans. Tommy shoved out of the move, midway through, and Christian crashed into the cans. Tommy set Christian into the Sullivan Tree of Woe. Tommy then placed a dented can against Christian’s upside-down face. Tommy grabbed a crutch, rushed across the ring and drove it into the can (and Christian’s face). Tommy tried for the D(reamer)DT but Christian shoved the challenger down into the trash cans. Christian then picked up the crutch and broke it over Tommy’s chest. Christian went to the floor and got the car door that he brought to the ring. Tommy used a can lid to slam the car door into Christian’s chest. Christian fell backwards and the car door crashed onto his chest. Tommy moved the car door off Christian and placed it just off center ring. Tommy tried, unsuccessfully, to use the Piledriver to send Christian’s head into the car door. Christian got free, spun Tommy around and detonated the KillSwitch. Tommy’s head was driven into the steel car door. Christian was able to pin Tommy, with the car door, to retain.
Jay’s Thoughts: Talk about a diamond mixed in with the sand and mud. These two put on an excellent match. It could have been better, sure, but it definitely gave both men the chance to show how good they can be. While I would have liked to see Tommy regain the title but I wasn’t totally disappointed that Christian kept it. Kudos to both men for a job well done.
Final Grade: C+
Final Thoughts: Other than the main event, this week’s ECW stank like week-old fish. The Shelton/Zack feud is boring and they haven’t even had their first match, yet. Goldust v Sheamus is another one that’s going nowhere. Abraham Washington, well…I’ve ranted on that moron til I’m blue in the face. I realize that ECW doesn’t have a huge talent pool but they can do so much better than this.
— Jay Shannon