HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The Impact (6/4) Insight for June 04, 2009
Our resident philosopher looks at all the action and drama on the current edition of TNA Impact.
Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash squared off in a Lethal Lockdown cage for a spot in the King of the Mountain match at Slammiversary. Shane Douglas explained his rationale for attacking Daniels, last week. These and many other surprises awaited fans on TNA Impact.
The show opened with Mick Foley’s outrageous claim that, after Slammiversary, he would only defend the TNA title, once a year. The opening video then moved on to Eric Young’s sneak attack on Jeff Jarrett. From there, it moved to Shane Douglas’ return, following the greatest Impact match in the company’s history, in my humble opinion, between A.J. Styles and Daniels.
This Week’s Episode: “You can go back home.”
Lauren rushed up to talk to Shane Douglas. He didn’t know who she was but stopped just long enough to tell her that “The Franchise” planned on “leaving my mark on TNA for a long time to come”.
Mike Tenay talked about Joe v Nash before sending it to the opening match of the night. Kiyoshi came out, looking very Muta/Kabuki-like. He was joined by Sheik Abdul Bashir. Bashir prayed to Mecca before their opponents arrived. Daniels was the first to arrive. Daniels had, possibly, his best TNA match, ever, last week. His partner was the mysterious, Suicide. Suicide appeared on the ramp, after the lights went out. Don West announced a second King of the Mountain match at Slammiversary, an X-Division version. Suicide would face Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin.
Kiyoshi & Sheik Abdul Bashir d Daniels & Suicide
Suicide hit his Running Dropkick on Bashir. Bashir rolled out of the ring. Suicide hit a flip over the ropes to flatten Bashir. Bashir complained to the ref about an injured ankle. The distraction allowed Lethal Consequences and the Motor City Machine Guns to jump Suicide and drag him away. Back in the ring, Kiyoshi and Daniels squared off. Daniels hit a Chokeslam to set for the BME (Best Moonsault Ever). Out of nowhere, Shane Douglas rushed in and blasted Daniels with a chain-wrapped fist. Bashir threw the ref back in the ring to count out Daniels.
Jay’s Thoughts: The “new” Daniels seems like such a watered-down version of the old Fallen Angel. Maybe it’s age that has slowed him down. He’s still a fantastic competitor but something just doesn’t seem the same. Bashir is doing just about as well in TNA as Daivari did in WWE. He is a solid mid-carder but not that much of a threat, anymore. As for Kiyoshi, he’s just a little too much like Muta. He will be a decent star but I seriously doubt that he’ll get the push to the World title level. Muta never won the World title in WCW and I can’t see Kiyoshi doing it in TNA. Finally, Suicide is not long for this world. I have a feeling that the skull mask is going into moth balls, really soon. KAZ will likely come back, refreshed after his self-imposed hiatus (such as it was). The Suicide thing has run it’s course and the new has worn off. Keeping the character going would only further bore the fans.
The British Invasion came out to congratulate their allies on their win. TNA went to break.
Shane Douglas was in the ring to discuss his actions. TNA looked back at the end of the last segment. Shane told Daniels to not take it personal, it was just business. Shane said he was a huge fan of TNA. The crowd interrupted Shane with a “You Suck” chant. Shane complained about Daniels getting a second chance. Shane whined about wanting his second chance. Shane demanded his second chance and he planned to make TNA miserable until he got it. Get it…got it…good!
JB talked with Mick Foley about his demand to have the belt defended, once a year. Foley started comparing it to the World Series and Super Bowl. Foley said he might consider four title defenses a year. They were interrupted by Kip James. Kip begged for a job with TNA. Foley started talking about the tight budget. Kip said he would do anything to get a job. Foley said he would see what he could do.
Kevin Nash and Jenna waltzed into Mick’s office. Nash wanted to know what Foley was smoking. He questioned Foley’s decision to make Nash’s match at Lethal Lockdown match. Nash said he wouldn’t do it. Foley tried to push the ratings but Nash didn’t care about ratings. Foley offered to triple Nash’s payrate. Nash wanted a quadruple paycheck. Foley agreed. Foley was happy about making a deal with Nash. JB tried to bring up Kip, but Foley blew him off. TNA went to another break.
Lauren talked with Lethal Consequences and the Motor City Machine Guns about being in the X-Division King of the Mountain match and their issue with Suicide. The two teams would enter one of their members to unite and battle Beer Money, later in the show. Sabin ridiculed Jay’s appearance and nature but admitted the four of them had common goals, the X-Division title and unmasking Suicide. Creed agreed that the two teams hated each other but they both hated Suicide. Creed would join Sabin in the next match.
Creed and Lethal came out for the next match. Their new neon entrance video made my eyes ache. Next up, Chris Sabin (with Alex Shelley) came out for the battle. The crowd popped huge for Beer Money. The Boozer Cruiser was back! They carried their trophies with them.
Beer Money d Consequences Creed and Chris Sabin
Robert Roode hit a Double Clothesline and then pounded on both of his opponents. He launched Sabin with a Back Body Drop. Roode hit a Spinebuster on Creed. Sabin made the save. Creed tried for the CreeDDT, as James Storm and Sabin fought on the floor. The British Invasion suddenly showed up and walked towards the ring. Team 3D came out of nowhere to attack the Brits. Creed went for a Fireman’s Carry. Sabin kicked his own partner, by accident. Storm caught Sabin with the Last Call Superkick. Beer Money united to hit the D-W-I on Creed to take the win.
Jay’s Thoughts: Beer Money has to be my favorite current team. Unless someone in Creative gets really stupid and splits the team up, they could well go down as “The” tag team of this generation. TNA is really doing a good job in pushing the tag division. I do miss Jacqueline. Creed is a great performer but his time as a top star is nearing it’s end. Sabin works well with Shelley but I’d rather see him as a singles star. He could ride a push all the way to the World title. This match was decent but it could have been better. Makeshift teams just don’t work for me.
The Beautiful People were on a B*tch Hunt, backstage. The hunt would continue, after a commercial break.
The Beautiful People attacked Victoria, now known as Tara (possibly spelled Terra, which would be a nod to Triple H). Mi Pi Sexy tried their best to take out the newest Knockout but she fought back and went hardcore on the girls. She dumped trash on Sky. Love freaked as Tara/Terra yelled “You’re next. B*tch!”
Mike and Don talked about the rest of the show and some upcoming shows. Break time.
Lauren tried to talk to Daffney, who seemed to be in another reality. Lauren tried to talk with Daffney about her issue with Taylor. Daffney said “Crazy people don’t have logic” (and that’s your philosophical statement of the week). Daffney tried to suggest that Lauren was crazy to be friends with Taylor. Daffney said “they” were telling her what to do and “they” don’t like her to say no to them. Lauren looked bewildered.
Mike sat down with the entire Main Event Mafia. Mike talked to Nash, first. Nash said Samoa Joe would have to go through him to get to the rest of the Mafia. Nash said he wasn’t worried about dying tonight. Booker jumped in and compared Joe (sort of) to the Ultimate Warrior’s old oWn gimmick. Scott called Joe a “fat son-of-a-b*tch” and screamed about wanting to make Joe bleed. Kurt said that the Mafia would hurt Joe. Sting calmed Kurt down. He said that he was disappointed in his “family”. Sting said that they would take care of Joe on Sting’s terms and timeframe.
Taylor Wilde walked backstage. She would face Daffney, next.
TNA ran a video package for Daffney’s meltdown, after playing “Sarah Palin”. Daffney tripped out when the Beautiful People cut her hair. She blames Taylor for it. Dr. Stevie has gotten in the middle of all this. Dr. Stevie ended up in a mound of tacks, after threatening Taylor and his beloved, Lauren.
Back to live action, Daffney came out to a Time Tunnel-like entrance video. She’s now billed as being from Sybil, Texas (I thought I was the only one to use obscure references and puns). The Hardcore Honey was in full Goth mode. She teased the audience and the shrieked like a Banshee. Taylor then bounced from the back, dressed all in blue.
Daffney d Taylor Wilde
Taylor hit a Kneelift on Daffney as the Psycho Queen tried to get in the ring. Taylor pounded away and then whipped Daffney into the steps. Taylor rolled Daffney in the ring and tried to get the pin. When Daffney kicked out, Taylor went postal on her opponent and pounded the skull of Daffney. The ref pulled her off and Taylor noticed Dr. Stevie (Richards) and Raven coming down the ramp. Stevie had a kendo stick in hand. Daffney attacked Taylor and threw her in the corner. Daffney hit a Flying Fore-arm in the corner. Daffney missed an Avalanche Bodypress. Taylor came back with a Missile Dropkick and tried for the Roll-up. Daffney kicked out at two. Taylor hit a decent Bodyslam and then went to the corner. Stevie distracted her , which allowed Daffney to pull Taylor off the ropes. Daffney finished off Taylor with a Corkscrew Perfectplex, which she calls The Lobotomy (Why do I hear The Ramones in my head?).
Jay’s Thoughts: Poor Taylor. Her push has faded faster than Sarah Palin’s national exposure. She’s now jobbing to Daffney. Daffney is really just a Roxxi Replacement. She’s doing the same Hardcore Honey gimmick with a slight psycho twist. Daffney sure looked better as the Governor. The Goth look is so past tense, these days. I realize that the Palin thing couldn’t work, long term, but she is reversing in her career. Joining the ECW Alliance may or may not be a good idea. Only time will tell.
Raven and Stevie joined Daffney in the ring, after the slaughter err…match. Daffney went back to pounding on Taylor. Lauren ran down to stop the insanity. Raven took the mic and talked about the reunion of Raven and Richards. People have asked “Why Abyss?” Raven’s answer? “Why not?” Raven said he was planning on giving Abyss the worst medicine, ever. Quoth the Raven…Nevermore!
Tenay sent it to a video profile of the issues between Eric Young and Jeff Jarrett. Eric is feeling slighted by TNA and wants to make an Impact (pun fully intended). Eric attacked Jeff’s leg, last week, to get some attention. Eric said he did it so Jeff would never forget about Eric Young, again.
Jeff came out in street clothes. He traded the silver guitar for a microphone, this week. Jeff called out “my good friend”, Eric Young. Eric came out with an angry look on his face. Jeff talked about the history between the two of them. Jeff said he was trying to manage the zoo of TNA, over the past few weeks. Jeff said that Eric was a great competitor and wrestler but Jeff won the match. Jeff said that Eric should have respected that Jeff was the better man, on that given night. Jeff said Eric jumped him from behind, like a thug. Jeff said that they could end this or take it as far as Eric wanted to go. It was Eric’s call. The crowd started a “Fight Fight” chant.
Eric said that Jeff was trying to turn things around. He talked about Fatherly Advice and the fact that Eric didn’t have a dad, because his dad took off for Cuba. Eric said that he did admire Jeff and saw him as a dad. Eric praised Jeff for taking his (Jeff’s) own money and creating TNA. The crowd erupted. Eric called the fans “maggots” that Jeff gave a wrestling choice. Eric then went over the edge by bringing Jeff’s family into it. Eric said that his childhood was similar to Jeff’s. Eric talked about Jerry Jarrett not having time for his kid. Eric said Jeff hated his dad for putting wrestling first. Eric said that both he and Jeff promised themselves that they wouldn’t be their fathers. Eric said Jeff was becoming just like Jerry. Eric told Jeff that TNA revolves around Jeff. Eric said his concern was to Jeff’s little girls. Eric said the girls were having to settle for second best. Jeff snapped and beat the daylights out of Eric. The refs ran out to try to keep them apart. Jeff nailed Earl Hebner and went back to attacking Eric. Security rushed in to break it up.
Segment Grade: C+
Jay’s Thoughts: This feud just doesn’t work for me. With Eric, nothing in his career has made sense. Scared Rabbit Eric, Super Eric, or Ticked Off Eric, they’ve all made Eric look ridiculous. Eric might get a few wins, but he’s going to lose in the long-term picture.
In the back, Mick Foley said he knew Jeff was going to snap and he needed security. In a perfect Lenny/Squiggy moment, Sally Boy and Big Rocco waddled into Foley’s office. TNA went to break.
TNA ran a video package for Jesse Neal. This so takes me back, in a nauseating way, the WCW Patriots gimmick for years. Neal cried about losing one of his buddies in war. The video moved to the training regime of Neal, under the iron hand of Rhino.
Lauren talked to Jesse before he wrestled Matt Morgan. Lauren wondered if Jesse was ready. He said that he was ready to do it for his dead buddy, Mark. Jesse said he was ready to make his dream a reality. It’s a razor thin line between dreams and nightmares.
Matt Morgan came out for Neal’s debut match. Morgan was still trying to impress the Main Event Mafia, to earn a spot in the elite group. Neal came to the ring with Rhino at his side. Rhino gave some last minute advice to his charge and then sent him into the lion’s den.
Matt Morgan d Jesse Neal
Morgan Paintbrushed Neal and worked over Neal’s back. Morgan slammed Neal into the corner. Morgan taunted Rhino. Morgan threw a Standing Dropkick. Morgan wouldn’t take the pin. Morgan kicked away at the ribs. Neal tried to “Hulk Up”. Neal got a few shots in but Morgan nailed the Carbon Footprint to end this massacre.
Jay’s Thoughts: This was about the most annoying debut of all time. TNA tried to shove the Americana thing down the fans’ throats and it has tended to backfire. Having him lose his first match, so soundly, was pathetic. If they weren’t going to let him get the pin, they should have gone with a DQ win. Morgan could have beat the daylights out of him to the point where the ref called the match. Rhino could have rushed in, started a feud with Morgan, and left Neal with a good lesson about how wrestling isn’t as easy as it looks. I can only imagine Russo and the boys are digging up the old Jack Hart (Barry Horowitz) longest losing streak in wrestling history gimmick. Hart lost something like 152 matches before he finally won one. Maybe Neal is going after that record.
Mick Foley walked backstage with his new security team. TNA went to break.
Cody was training at Leroy’s Fitness Club. This was ODB‘s cousin’s place. ODB had him lifting paint cans and kegs. ODB had him working the bag (filled with straw). She had him running tires. This fun will continue in the future.
Mick Foley came out with his new heavies, Sal and Rocco. Foley talked about next week’s show. Samoa Joe will be in a 2-on-1 Handicap match against Booker and Scott Steiner. Next week’s King of the Mountain Qualifying match would be Sting v Kurt Angle. Foley said he has hired the former Mafia Security members as his own personal security team. Foley claimed he was scared of the out-of-control Jeff Jarrett. Foley said Jeff made him look like a liar. Foley said Earl Hebner may never ref a match, again. The crowd started a “Shut the Hell Up” chant. Foley said that he would have a reaction, a hardcore reaction, to Jeff’s attack on Earl Hebner. The reaction would happen, next week.
JB talked with Sting. JB wanted to know Sting’s thoughts about having to face Kurt. Sting said he wasn’t concerned because the Mafia was stronger than ever. Matt Morgan ran down to brag about beating “little sailor boy”. Morgan wanted to be a Mafia member. Sting talked about the Mafia being family that knew each other for years. Morgan scoffed at the idea about respect. Sting told Morgan that when he found respect, come back and see him. Sting walked off and Morgan had a fit. He whined about them not letting him in because he wasn’t a former champion. Morgan vowed to become a Mafia member. I smell a Mafia split.
Mike Tenay mentioned that next week’s match with Samoa Joe had been changed to a “First Blood” match. He sent it to JB who talked with Scott Steiner and Booker T. JB wanted to know what they thought about the “First Blood” rules match. Joe would face Scott first. If Scott bleeds, Joe moves on to Booker. If Scott busts open Joe, the match is over. Booker was not happy and said Joe would get hurt. (Actually, Joe has been injured). Scott said that there would be blood. Scott talked about surviving Detroit. My grandmother lived just outside the Motor City and I know what a tough town it is. Sharmell rushed in and complained about Jenna getting too much time in the makeup chair. Cry me a river.
It was main event time. Kevin Nash, the Semi-Grey Fox, walked down the ramp. He didn’t have the eye candy or the “family” with him. Nash looked uncomfortable in the cage. Samoa Joe was then announced. He didn’t come out of the tunnel. He was talking to a mystery person, outside the back door. Joe then walked out, draped in a black towel.
Samoa Joe d Kevin Nash
King of the Mountain Qualifying Match
Lethal Lockdown Rules
Nash picked up a kendo stick and blasted the ribs of Joe. Nash Irish Whipped Joe to the ropes but Joe ducked the Kendo Klothesline and bounced off the opposite ropes, hitting a Running Dropkick.Joe hit the Backsplash Senton and the Kneedrop. Joe slowed things down with the Rear Naked Choke. It was amazing that no one had lost blood, at this point. Joe went up to grab a hockey stick off the cage. Joe broke the hockey stick across Nash’s back. It was all over but the crying, then. Joe raised one figure to signify: ! down, 4 to go.
Jay’s Thoughts: Kevin Nash really looked great in this match. He went in as the serious underdog but really went blow to blow with Joe. Nash’s new look makes his look closer to his old Diesel self. The whole Silver Fox persona weakened him, dramatically. Joe got to look vicious in this match, even though he has slowed down quite a bit. Sadly, Joe was injured either during this match or shortly after. He’s looking to go under the knife, after Slammiversary. The war against the Mafia is likely going to have to go on hold, indefinitely. If Creative has any sense, they will do something dramatic to push an exit.
Final Grade: B
Final Thoughts: After last week’s stellar show, this one was a bit of a let down. Joe v Nash was a definite PPV-level match but it didn’t compare to Daniels v Styles. The debut of Jesse Neal really left me cold. While I respect and support the troops, I just not a super-patriot kinda guy. I like the Suicide character, due to the semi-uniqueness of the whole mystery man thing. When they finally do unmask Suicide, it will be like when Jeannie married Tony on I Dream of Jeannie, something changed. KAZ is a great star but he will likely just fade into an over-crowded X-Division. Again, a decent show but a full step and a half below last week.
— Jay Shannon
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