Shannon: ECW (12/30) Extreme Examination!

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon

ECW (12/30) Extreme Examination!

Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, takes a look at the final ECW show of 2008.

ECW kicked off with (sigh) the Dirt Sheet. Miz and Morrison sat in the ring and got pelted with boos from the crowd. Morrison said that he was hired by Oprah to help her lose weight. Miz then introduced himself. Miz and Morrison said that they were going to make history. Miz and Morrison said that everyone in the arena was bought new cars…not. Miz and Morrison actually wanted to bring the fans something better than cars…The Dirt Sheet. (I’ll take the new red Mercedes, thank you).

Miz and Morrison decided to announce their New Year’s Resolutions:

Miz: In 2009, he would give a hat to the Smithsonian and say “Baba Booey” as often as he could. Morrison: To star in a Kung Fu movie and get abs 11 and 12 to pop out. Both: To win the Royal Rumble and go on to Wrestlemania.

The two looked at each other and began to argue about the Royal Rumble. Miz and Morrison ran down some other superstar resolutions. Evan Bourne would resolve to move out of his mom’s basement. John Cena would take acting lessons so his next movie wasn’t a bomb like The Marine. Batista would wear a helmet to the ring to avoid all those concussions. HHH resolves to buy a family-sized nasal d**che (tacky). Finlay would resolve to give up ,i>tighty-whiteys so his next son wouldn’t end up a deformed leprechaun.

They then made fun of Hornswoggle. The angry dwarf came after the tag champs. Finlay had to restraint Finlay’s young son. Hornswoggle screamed into the mic. Finlay translated that as a shot to Morrison’s face. Hornswoggle slid under the ring to escape MnM. When Miz and Morrison lifted the apron, Boogeyman slithered out from under the ring. Miz and Morrison took off at warp speed.

Segment Grade: D-

Jay’s Thoughts: Why does the WWE continue to throw crap like this at its fans? Miz and Morrison are actually really fantastic as a team. They very well might be the best tag team in the industry today. Somebody just needs to keep the microphones out of their hands. When in doubt: Shut up and wrestle!. Ricky Ortiz, Jack Swagger, Tommy Dreamer and others get to sit in the back while these guys bore the fans to tears. What a serious waste of time.

Mark Henry and Tony Atlas stomped to the ring. Mark had a new, darker look in his eyes as he got ready for war. the crowd popped huge for Matt Hardy‘s arrival.

Matt Hardy d Mark Henry (by Disqualification)
Non-Title Match

Mark dominated the early part of the match with his power. Matt came back and countered with his speed. The end was a complete surprise.

Mark reversed an Irish Whip but Matt tried for a Sunset Flip. Mark tried to squash Matt, but the ECW Champ scooted out of harm’s way. Matt came off the ropes with a Low Dropkick. Matt dropped a pair of Elbows off the ropes. Matt actually caught Mark with the Side Effect! Tony Atlas got on the apron but Matt clocked him. Tony fell off the apron and Matt turned back to Mark. Matt tried for the Twist of Fate but was sent…right into the waiting arms of Jack Swagger. Jack used his Gut Wrench Powerbomb to crunch the champ.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: It’s time for Mark to move on. Swagger has Mark’s spot, now. Mark really doesn’t have anyone in ECW to feud with. The whole Finlay thing has run it’s course. Mark should shift over to Smackdown and give the other Hardy, Jeff, a challenge. As for Matt, looks like the Kozlov/M. Hardy feud has been shelved. Hardy v Swagger is going to be surprisingly good, I think.

Mark and Jack stared at each other. Jack left the ring but Mark wasn’t done. Mark hit a monster World’s Strongest Slam on the weakened Matt Hardy. Mark and Tony yelled about Jack’s arrival.

Todd Grisham announced the main event: Finlay and The Boogeyman v Miz and John Morrison in a no-DQ match.

ECW ran a promo for Kizharny. He would make a great partner for Boogeyman. He will actually be debuting on Smackdown, this week.

Paul Burchill returned to action, along with his sister, Katie Lea. D.J. Gabriel and Alicia Fox danced from the back for the next match. They also danced in the ring.

D.J. Gabriel d Paul Burchill

Burchill really lived up to his Ripper nickname in this match. He brutalized the young dance sensation for the majority of the match. Gabriel hit some decent moves, as well, but just seemed out-matched. The end was a bit of a disappointment. Gabriel climbed the ropes for his Dance Hall Daze finisher, but Burchill yanked him off his perch. Gabriel landed with a thud. Burchill locked in a Front Face Lock. Gabriel flipped over and pinned Burchill, out of nowhere.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: All I can say is Wow! Burchill has a new fire that he’s been lacking for a long time. Gabriel took some major bumps and still came back. Kudos to both men. I understand that ECW is just a training ground for bigger and better things. Gabriel is going to join Kofi and Punk as former ECW stars that moved up to be a major player on one of the two big shows. It may take until the Draft before it happens, but it will happen. Gabriel also has Alicia Fox in his corner. That’s definitely a good thing.

ECW ran another promo for the new Mr. Kennedy movie, which comes out on DVD, next Tuesday.

Boogeyman was dangling a worm in the back. He was singing to the darn thing before he swallowed it. Hornswoggle screamed in disgust. Boogey gnawed away at the worm as the Raw Rebound focused on the Shawn Michaels situation with JBL. Shawn allowed JBL to hit the Clothesline From Hell to earn a shot at John Cena at the Royal Rumble. I was talking with a good friend, Eric, on Tuesday morning. We wondered if Shawn’s allowing JBL to hit the Clothesline From Hell was a set-up for Wrestlemania. Shawn made a somewhat cryptic comment about being Mr. Wrestlemania. We wondered if Shawn might get a World Title shot at Wrestlemania, against his own boss. Just a thought to ponder.

Finlay and Hornswoggle came to the ring for the main event. They threw all kinds of toys to the kids at ringside. They were joined by The Boogeyman. Boogey danced and gyrated his way through the crimson smoke and fire. Hornswoggle was a tad scared of the creepy grappler. The Miz and John Morrison did their Slow-Mo Intro. Morrison and Miz taunted their opponents as they entered the ring.

The Miz & John Morrison d Finlay & The Boogeyman
Non-Title Match/No DQ Rules

Finlay carried the lion’s share of this match. Boogey did some outside/under the ring stuff but really didn’t do much in the ring. The end was another Huh? Morrison stomped on Finlay and then used the boot to choke Finlay. Boogey was foaming at the mouth. Morrison twisted the neck of Finlay as the crowd booed. Miz tagged back in and the Irishman was sent to the corner. Miz hit the Full Body Clothesline in the corner. Miz and Finlay threw punches at each other. Miz took Finlay down and hit the Prime Time Combo. Finlay landed wrong in that move. Inlay ducked a Morrison Clothesline and nailed an Inverted Atomic Drop. Finlay then nailed two Clotheslines of his own. Morrison reversed an Irish Whip but Finlay kicked him in the chest. Finlay hit another Clothesline on Morrison and a Spinning Inverted Atomic Drop on Miz. Finlay Clotheslined Miz over the ropes. Morrison sneaked up behind Finlay and used a basic Roll-up to take the win.

Grade: C

Jay’s Thoughts: Why didn’t they just book MnM against The Finlays? Boogey just sat on the apron and foamed at the mouth. I was really disappointed at the inactivity of Boogey. Finlay did an honorable job of carrying the match for his team. I have to wonder if the Roll-up pin was due to Finlay being injured? After a pretty brutal matches, Finlay should have fallen to either the Reality Check or the Moonlight Drive. Did Morrison really injure Finlay when he clipped the knee on the apron? I’m a little concerned.

Boogey chased Morrison back in the ring. Finlay caught J-Mo and nailed the Emerald Fusion/Celtic Cross. Finlay grabbed some kids from the crowd and sent them into the ring. The kids all ran around, acting seriously silly.

Final Grade: B-
Final Thoughts: It was a rather sad way to end the year on ECW. Creative should have had Tommy Dreamer make an appearance. He would have been a better choice for a partner to Finlay than Boogey.

Todd and Matt ended the show by wishing everyone a Happy New Year. I want to also wish everyone a most prosperous new year. Please take care if you plan on celebrating the turning of the clock. As for me, I’m going to spend the evening with a couple of special new friends, Dianna and Jessica. Let’s all hope that the new year brings happiness, prosperity and joy.

Peace
–Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(1/1/09)